I am not sure where are you located?

Melody is right one. She is correct. This has been a problem for me but i am getting help for it. I will not be a coward any more. I own my affair. My BS is who i need to humble myself......

No, I meam would she be willing to come to this board and post?

I think she will someday find the tread. I can tell you all this She is the one i need to spend time with. She has told me everything that you all have said. Thank you all.

Why not just tell her you have found this forum and you are posting here, because you are seeking help to restore your M and win her love?

If you will listen to the advice here, stop all justifications and excuses, stop any LBs, be O&H with your BW, put in place extraordinary precautions (EP) against ever having another A, and learn what her needs are and how to meet them, you may have a chance at saving your M.

Your BW can start her own thread here as well, and she will get help and advice, because many here have been in her shoes. If she is familiar with the site and sent you here, then she knows that MB has a plan for restoring marriages after an A. Your role is to demonstrate your committment to that plan. Your actions will speak volumes at this point. Your words? Not so much.

I've seen miracles happen on this forum.

Start here: HerPapaBear's Extraordinary Precautions Thread

Create your own EP list. Come back and let the pros have a look at it. Once it's solid, the next step will be to give that to your BW.

You have a lot of work to do, and there's help to be found here, for you as well as your BW.

ami2late, I didn't ask that as a word of caution to you. I would like to see you direct her here so we can talk with her. This is only to help you.

i will try

Hello everyone. I have put together the below list of EP's as requested. I used the posting from HerPapaBear as a guide.
as mentioned before as far as the no contact rule. This is done as I never went back after the affair and my BW informed me that the OW got remarried again. I have no contact with her or any one of the opposite sex to discuss any of my marriage problems..

Accounting for time: I have given my BW my work schedule and she has informed me not to give her this as it makes her furious. She doesn't believe me because of my lies.....

Accounting for money: She still handles the major bank account an i live on enough to support my place of residence and supplies with some spending money. I have given her a list of all of my passwords for the accounts and she has access to them at any time she wants.

Spending Leisure time with my wife: Well this one is difficult.... I have asked my BW to go to dinner Movie or just go out on a date. she refuses as i have never given her what she needs to feel protected from another affair, Lies, Lust ect....
I do try to spend as much tine as possible. I live about 10 min from the house the family live in and I go there every day and even get to put the children to bed just about every day.
Anytime we get to talk it is about how i lied and deceived her through dating 22 years ago and how i have failed to get it right. You see she was on this site for years and learned what others have done to repair their marriage and she even told me about it. I never owned my part for years and she is now beet-ten down because of this. Hence ami2late ???

I asked her if she would post here and she said what for.... Well i am here because you all have much knowledge if this kind of recovery. Sometimes i fell my marriage affair recovery is to complicated to restore.

My BW asked for a time line and i never gave her this as i was not willing to face the truth. As i look back i failed on every request.

Just so you all know i have been working on me during this time, shall i say i have excepted my failures and i have a very firm and committed faith journey. I have relived my failures and let God show me where i failed. My BW is an awesome person I once had a thought " she is the most beautiful women i never knew" she is my wife I was always in my own way, me first......

Enough with this. If she would except an EP list it would look like this:

1. Get a key-logger so she can see what i am doing on my computers at work and home
2. If she wanted me to get a web cam for my work area i would.
3. Never have a discussion about our marriage with anyone especially someone of the opposite sex.
4. Review my work day before and let her know of any change in my schedule
5. Respect her and keep her as safe from any DJ'S
6. Follow the guidelines of the POJA.
7. Whenever at a work function bring her with me if she will go.
8. Never drink without her present and if i do call her first and never more than 2.
9. Be open and honest with her about anything past or present.
10.Give her my phone to review anytime she asks.
11. Build boundaries that are acceptable to her.
12. Continue to surround myself with Men of integrity and build on my faith.
13. Never Compromise myself for ANYONE or DESIRE
14. Give my BW whatever she needs to understand why i committed my affairs.


I will stop here for now. And just to let you all know i told my BW about my post and she has read it....
Thanks for now.
AMI2LATE.....

Miracles! HA! WPG is now the reigning queen of the understatement!

When we (my fww and I) came to the board, I had given up on miracles. I was so close to recovering and felt like there was no such thing anymore.

It is afterall such an over-used term...

And then slowly, i started to see change.... in me.

Not the miracle I was expecting, but it was bona fide.

It is true... They are here.

CV

I am glad to see you are back and ready to work on your M! Let's start with those EP's:



Some of your others are a little vague (how can she measure your boundaries? Boundaries are different from EP's - EP's are the tangible things she can see - your boundaries are not so tangible, but your EP's are an external reflection of your boundaries...) There's other things to consider too - there's a Opposite Sex Protection Plan on here somewhere - if you look at my thread, it was one of the first things posted to me.

Anyway, giving her your schedule, even if it makes her angry, do it anyway. Print out and leave her a schedule for your day. Yes, she is going to be angry. No, she isn't going to believe you b/c of your lies. It may take a very long time before she allows you to meet her needs. Do you have what it takes to be persistent in meeting her needs, being O&H and completely transparent with her today, tomorrow, every day, as long as it takes?

You are fortunate that women do like to be pursued - so pursue her, love her, even if she rejects you at first. Two analogies that were given to me when I began posting that have been helpful to me:

1. Imagine you are on one bank of a river. Your BW is on the other side. You are throwing rocks in the river, trying to build a way to cross. The river is wide and the current is swift, but throw enough rocks and eventually you will start to see them poke above the surface...keep on throwing those rocks until you make a bridge.

2. Your BW is inside a wall. You are standing outside that wall and throwing handfuls of rice against it. Every once in a while, a grain of rice slips into a crack.

Those rocks building up on the bottom of the river? Those grains of rice that make it through a crack? Those are LB$ deposits. You might not see results at first, but if you are patient and persistent, your efforts may pay off. I say may, b/c there is no guarantee your BW will ever want to restore your M...but every chance you have the opportunity, keep on making those deposits...OK?

I am sure others have more to add and I'll try to weigh back in later.

This is an extraordinary thing to own up to. You seem to have discovered the road to taking personal responsibility. This is more like it!

Tell your wife this sentiment, if you havent already. I know I would like to hear that realisation from my WH.

I like your EP list with WPG's revisions.

Three things I would add are:

1) Give her the timeline she asked for. Just write it up and hand it over. Better late than never.
2) Offer to take a poly to prove the truth of your statements and to answer anything else she might want to know.
3) If she tells you that you are too late, I would accept this humbly and unselfishly. Tell her that it is her choice and a consequence of your behaviour that you will have to accept and that you just want her to be happy.