Dear forum members I hope you still remeber my story in Diabwilly looking for help. I did apply plan A, and got access to facebook page of the man and got the email account password of my wife. I went through and found several mails from the man sending my wife pornographic pictures and my wife enjoying it. She eve asked him to change his picture in the facebook and his profile so that no one recognizes him. I was so chocked that I could not sleep. She sensed that something was wrong and asked what it was. I could not hold and I blew everything out. I did not tell about what I saw in the emails only what I saw in the facebook. WOO what an angry reaction I got. 1000 words a minute. The relation was an innocent one, nothing happened and nothing would have happened. I am a sick man, I am keeping her as a prisoner, she would rather go and leave me alone than suffer this humiliation etc....
I am the kind of guy that does not speak much when she is angry. I tried to explain that a relation between a married man and a married woman that is kept secret from the other respective spouses cannot be innocent. It is bad and ends with trouble when one betrayed spouse finds out. Why keep this relation so secret for so long ? A year or so.
She would not listen to my reasoning and she does not recognize her fault. I am the one that is sick. I still have copies I made of his and her emails with all the porn pictures he sent her. She does not know that I have seen her emails but I am sure she suspects but still insists that in the facebook there was nothing suspicious or showing infidelity. It can be true that they had not reached that stages due to circumstances of distance. Switzerland and Germany were we live. I got so angry that I sent an email this morning to the man telling him that I have collected all the data against him and if he does not stop contacting my wife I will sue him in court. I am lost and do not know what to do. If she decides to leave I will not stop her. It will hurt badly and the kids will be lost.
What to do?

Diabwilly

Diabillly, is the OM married? If so, contact his wife and show her the emails. Copy and paste all of the OMs Facebook contacts now so you can expose to them.

Tell your wife that you have the proof of her affair and demand she end all contact with OM and DELETE her Facebook account. Let her know this is what it will take to EARN your forgiveness.

Expose her affair to your close family and children and ask them ALL to use their influence to persuade her to end her affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy so gettingnitout into the open is like chemotherapy to cancer.

Hi Melody, Thanks for the advice. I have asked her to block this man on her facebook page. I am waiting the right opportunity to see if she has done so and if she has erased all his and her emails. If not, then I will expose. I have not eaten anything since yesterday evening. I am feeling empty with no appetite. It is amazing that she does not accept she made a mistake. She still insist that it was an innocent relation. If it was innocent why was she keeping it secret? Unfortunately I do not have a contact address or telephone of his wife. I am working on it. Diabwilly

Diabilly, did you look on the OMs Facebook page to get his wife's name and copy and save all his contacts?

The reason she is insisting it was innocent is because you have not told her about your evidence. I would slip a key logger on her cmputer and then show her the evidence. Tell her if it is "innocent" that she should have no objection to showing the emails to everyone.

Hi Melodylane, I will first ask her to show me herself all the emails correspondence. If she accepts to show me the emails herself then I can think there is hope of recovery. If she does not, then I will tell her I have them already and she has 2 choices, 1) to sincerely stop this relation at once and any other relation that she may think of starting or 2) she takes the door and go find he lover and never come back again.
Diabwilly

Diawilly, it is much better to be straight instead of playing cat and mouse games. Just tell her straight out you have her emails, you know what she is doing, give her a couple of examples and then DEMAND that she end all contact and delete her Facebook acct. Don't play games, my friend! Just be straight and cut through the crap.

Hi Melody, It is comforting communicating with you. Yes I finally told her I have seen all her emails exchange with the OM. I even gave her some examples and told her I have copied everything.
She got shocked. I told her it is up to her. If she sincerely stops completely the relation with this man I am ready to forgive if she asks for forgiveness.
She finally said she will completely stop and I can keep control of her facebook. She needs it to keep contact with real friends and family far away.
She has not recovered yet and I am giving her the benefit of doubt. She has changed her email password but she does not know that I have her new password. I just want to see if she is sincere. I will be watching her mails. Fortunately she is not good in computer and does not even erase her mails. I want to believe she is sincere in what she said. I cannot control her telephone communication. She has an old samsung mobile phone.
I still love her but it hurts to see that she has done so. She still insists that there was no physical contact. I do not know what to believe.
Please answer.
Diabwilly

You've just given her a reason to get good at it.

You've let her know that you're on to her. If she is not sincere, this will drive her underground. Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a wayward.

Do you have snooping tools in place? Keylogger? VAR? GPS?

Willy, if she changed her password then she is not sincere. That won't cut it. Tell her the only thing that will suffice is complete and total transparency, starting with the sharing of all her passwords to her cellphones and email, everything.

Tell her you will give her an opportunity to EARN your forgiveness and the first step has to be complete and total transparency. Changing her password is not going to help you trust her again. Don't forgive her until she earns it. She has done nothing to warrant forgiveness.

Check this out: Can't We Just Forgive and Forget?

Do you have a keylogger on her computer?

Dear Melody, I have installed a key logger and that is how I got to see the first time all the correspondance exchange. When she changed the password after the exposure, I was able to get the new password and am checking her emails every day. She seems to think that I do not know the new password. So far nothing on the mails. I need to work on her mobile phone which she is always having at hand.
I overheard her talking to a friend of our family, a lady, she said she is having a serious problem and is not in a mood to talk longer with her. Here is where we stand now. I want to see if she is sincere by checking her facebook page and her emails. I have no means of checking her mobile phone. I do not think she will use our land line because she knows I have control of this. I can check the numbers. What should I do else?
Diabwill

Willy, she is not sincere. She showed that by changing her password. She is still hiding things from you. I would get her cell phone and put a keylogger on it too. eblaster has a good one that costs around $65.

Set her down and explain to her that you want to have a romantic, loving, SAFE marriage and that you are not willing to settle for less and won�t stay in a loveless marriage. Tell her you are willing to give her an opportunity to earn your forgiveness. In order for the marriage to recover, certain things have to happen. This is what it will take to keep you interested:

1. no nights apart or going out without each other - create a healthy, integrated lifestyle

2. complete transparency - cell phone passwords, etc

3. no more opposite sex friendships

4. complete honesty about her affair<s> � passing a polygraph

5. commit to a program of recovery that restores the romantic love in your marriage

Tell her "this is what it will take to keep me in this marriage." Whether your marriage ends up with success or failure will depend almost entirely on her willingness and ability to make radical changes. Her lifestyle must become absolutely transparent, holding nothing back. She is in no position to negotiate when it comes to extraordinary precautions, because those precautions are designed to prevent another affair and help you feel safe. She must also meet your emotional needs in a way that until now she has failed. Unless she makes a 180 degree turn in her approach to what it means to be a wife, your marriage won't recover, it will be a crippled version of your pre-affair marriage.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking this approach, because if she won't do these things, you will have lost nothing except a loveless, abusive marriage.

Hi Melody,
Thanks for the guidance. I will apply all this. I hope the result will be positive.
Thanks again for helping me keep my moral high.

I need time to get hold of her phone and place a keylogger too.

Diabwilly

Maybe you can get a voice activated recorder for her car. Olymp is my personal favorite. That way you can hear her conversations while she is driving.

Hi Melody, she has cancelled her FB account, I have been working on it blocking things to protect her from attacks and new temptations. Now she has cancelled her account. I still have a look at her email account and want eagerly to install the Spytic in her cellular phone. The problem here is that she has a Samsung SGH E250 and I do not know what OS it is using. I googled and in a forum I was told that the OS is Nov 24, 2008 1:20 AM EST or Aug 2008 5:58 AM EDT. This to me does not look like an OS and further more by downloading the COPY9 file program I was not given the choice of the correct OS I should choose.
I need your help, please, PLEASE.
Diabwilly