He met this girl at a time when he wanted to hang out with his friends every day, all day and most of the night. This went on for about a month. I finally convinced him to stop doing this because I needed him. About nine months later he decides that he wants a threesome and I said i don't want to. I found out a couple days after expressing that I didn't want to do that, that he had been talking to this girl about a threesome. I was very hurt and I let him know that I was hurt and angry. He thought I was being silly. I'm still upset about the time he spent with her and his friends all that time with out me nine months ago, just starting to get over it and he goes and does this. I found a text to her saying "I miss you". When I confronted him, he said "It didn't mean anything, I was just gauging her reaction". I almost left him that night. Now, a couple weeks later, she's in his phone under the name, Thomas. Before it was under the name Sky, but that's not her name either. I don't what to think or what to do. I need some opinions desperately.

My aunt has a spare room that she offered me. Should I accept it? I would be so lost with out him. I love him so much. But if he would do this, does he feel the same about me? He says he does, and that he would never cheat on me, but how can that be, with the messages that I found.

I asked him about a week ago if he still talks to her, he said no. I bet he meets with her. I forgot to tell, there was another text that said "Ok, I can't wait", can't wait for what?? There's so many phone calls between them. We've only been married for two years. This is ridiculous!

Halcyone,

Welcome to MB. Sorry you are here...
how long have you been married?
Do you have kids?
Is this his first affair?

these questions will help folks help you better.

Cv

Sorry you are here, but Welcome! First, take a deep breath and calm down. It is early here in the US and there will be others on throughout the day whom will help you.

Try to read about Plan A, Plan B and a post from Pepperband called the carrot and the stick. It gets bumped frequently for newbies. Your H (husband) is in what is called here a fog. He will deny and deny, even when there is proof. He will try to make it look like it is you with the problem, not that he is having an affair. Hang tight, you will get a lot of support here. Please provide your story so we can better help you.

There is a shortened language here that you will need to become familiar with. Such as BS=Betrayed spouse, WS=Wayward spouse, WH=Wayward husband WW=Wayward wife, etc..

All the best,

BA

Halcyone, welcome to Marriage Builders. I'm sorry to say what you already know - that your H is having an affair with this woman. Do you want to end this affair and keep your marriage? You'll have to do some work, but if you're committed to your marriage it'll be worth it.

Since he already knows that you are aware of the OW, I would suggest that you confront him about the affair. Tell him he has to end it with OW or get out. No more texting - he'll have to change his number. No more going social places without you. He's going to have to be totally transparent and accountable to you.

He will more than likely try to pass her off as 'just a friend'. Fine. Then he won't miss her 'friendship' that much, will he.

What other snooping have you done? I would suggest that you put a GPS unit on his car before you confront him. Can you hold it together long enough to do that? Waywards will typically run straight to their AP after confrontation. You'll be able to confirm that with a GPS unit on his car.If you can't do that, there are free downloads you can get to install a GPS on his phone that will report his location to you. I haven't used them, so I can't vouch personally for their accuracy, but I've read about them and seen some good reviews.

I would also put a VAR (voice-activated recorder) somewhere in his car - hidden so he can't find it. Waywards talk while driving because they think they're safe to do so when they're alone in their car.

Who is the OW? Do you personally know her?

No innocent person renames a phone contact unless they're hiding something. My H did the same thing.

Can you go on line and look at the cell phone records? That will have the numbers he is calling as well as the number of texts going back and forth.

I can't recall the carrier, but one of the carriers will provide the text message content.

You need to work on getting the proof together so that you can expose. But it will take you calming down and thinking things through. Don't confront him right now until you have the evidence and you have a plan for yourself.

Best,