Right back at ya Indie!

Got this from the rants thread.

Some people don't have an original thread, ussually that means they are not looking for help, or advice, and are lurking sorta. sometimes of course you have people like me, who are not in a state of emergency, but love the site and MB principles. Then you see different topics of disscussion they have started, but its hard to distinguish what they would call "thier" thread. Which makes it hard to to post something specifically to them if you want to avoid jacking someone elses.

You can try left clicking thier name, picking "veiw posts", and then on that page, click "topics created, and then pick the oldest one created. Thats the best bet besides just asking 'em on someones thread.

By reason of creation, I call this their original.... Silly me lol

Just in case you can't sleep and need some MB some night

Saw a solicitor today and she basically said I would need to get a divorce to make any transactions regarding the house legal.

I could get him to sign over the house to me, pay him, but if we later divorce, its still considered half his.

She said another option is to 'leave things' for a time as the house is and will still be half mine in due course and his pension will continue to add up, presumably.

(This doenst fit in with my plans to rent out the house though)

She says its also a concern that I dont know enough about his finances. She said I could have a stake in his pension, for example, but I know nothing about how much etc.

She said coming to an amicable agreement about finances first is best, because that will save on legal fees.

Once I have the agreement, I can go right ahead and D him to 'rubberstamp' it.

However she says if he does not co-operate they can mediate, or else take it to court, which would be very expensive. I think I can call his bluff on that score though.

I think first and foremost, I need the information regarding his finaces.

To do that I am probably best searching the computer's history to get his passwords etc. Then when I know what Im dealing with, get him to agree to whatever I think is best.

indie, double-check with your solicitor on this. You shouldn't need to divorce if he's willing to sign all the sales documents. Then you can just split the proceeds. I'm assuming he'd be willing, if he's willing to sign the house over to you.

No I dont want to sell the house. We wouldnt get full value for it now and I want a renter in here to fund my return to education. Plus if I make him an offer now when the value is lower, I wont have to pay him as much for it. Assuming he will go for it, I havent approached him and have no idea what he will do.

Anyway the plot thickens. A letter came here with his name on it. I have no idea why I opened it, as I shouldnt have, but when I did the main letter was adressed to us both.

Its from a finance company - there is a secured loan on the house. He took one out in 2002 and I co-signed. It was after a tough year, plus some of his debts before we married and was supposed to be paid off in five years! It should be ancient history, but no.

Anyway they told me the balance is �18k -

18k is about what we would both get if we sold the house today at market value after paying off the mortgage.

I was only going to offer him something like 5 or 10, because its ready cash and he wont have to pay to any estate agent fees.

Plus, because the loan matures in 2019 there'll be additional charges to pay it off early. This money should come solely from his half - but legally it will halve my share too. I feel sick...

And all this time he's been having annual boys holidays in vegas

I need to snoop hard and email this solicitor the new info.

I cant believe it. The d***head freeloader.

This is impossible. I dont understand half the techie stuff I have to do to install spyware.

When I try, it asks me to uninstall my antivirus software first. Then i get asked for the admin password to do that! Which I dont have because he set everything up.

Will try posting on OI forum

And maybe I will order a credit report for the address - hopefully will have better luck with that...

Just fired off some emails to solicitors for advice.

I sent emails to three firms, so I could compare their advice and costs.

I have a feeling I am going to have to request all his info through a solicitor and fight it out. Or do mediation, hopefully.

Oh my, SO annoyed and angry.

In some ways, finding out about this is worse than D-Day! How messed up is that?!!!

If he came back, hat in hand, it would mean he didnt think he was in love with her anymore.

But this - we would still have this huge debt over our heads no matter HOW sorry he was.

And if there is no recovery, I am still liable for the debt!!

Thankyou softlad, thankyou.

I suppose it is possible that - "This too, shall pass".

Indie, I wanna let you know, I AM here, I AM reading, and I support you 100%.

Got some stuff going on, and I believe it would taint my comments right now, so I am staying off.

I appreciate Scott, I know lots of people are reading along...

Any solicitors out there? or hitmen?

KIDDING. I think.

I think you have come up with a WINNING business idea there. Hitmen solicitors. We should copywrite that.

Oh Indie, I just had a solicitor's appointment as well and am now sucking up the reality of impending divorce. I will second Scotland, I am listening and reading even when I don't post.

And hitmen solicitors... think I might just go google that!

Yes do, let me know!

Just managed to crack the admin password - yay!

Ran IEpassord but disappointing - only found usernames....

Try again tomorrow..

Hitmen Solicitors would be killing each other or themselves probably. Wow.

Seriuosly though, what would be do without the great Lawyers?
Abe Lincoln for example, and many more who attempt to bring us to an understanding of the law.

Why do we need them? Why do we need limits? Why can't I have everything when I want it and that guy over theres stuff too? You know those questions lawyers answer to the population that is to dense to realize or live with others equally or fairly.

Just something I felt compelled to comment on Indie lol, now where were we?

Been following you all day, and rooting for you

Hurting vey badly today. Just had a crying fit and I need to go to work now.

There isnt a part of my life he hasnt ransacked for his own selfish greed.

He has betrayed me physically, emotionally, mentally and financially.

On purpose - for our whole marriage.

What more can he do? A FR? That would really be the cherry.

He is a conman. I am trying to think whether I can still contemplate recovery.

I veer between thinking he is pathetic, lost, desperate or just plain old calculating.

Am I at the end of my love bank? Maybe

I know I could stipulate a post nup etc in my EPs - but I am just now thinking - whats the point? I dont hate him, I just feel like an idiot who never really knew him or what he was capable of.

Even if I walk away with less money than I thought i had, maybe this truth needs to be recognised as riches.

Hi Indie

FWIW it seems that he is more pathetic, lost and a loser than deliberately calculating.

But it also seems that he has emptied you out in more ways than one, a recovery from this point seems to be more about you than your M.

SL has dug himself a huge hole and currently bystanders can only see the spade! Breathe, do some stuff for you and tomorrow as Scarlett said is another day.

Try Citizens Advice re the financial things, they may be able to help, must be one near you.

Blessings

So I spoke to a few solicitors today, they all seemed to agree it was a serious situation but that things could be done.

I am meeting with a few of them next week. They all seem good but I want to compare their fees.

It is still possible that he will agree it is his debt - not ours - as he originally told me. But that's expecting a lot of a wayward.

I may end up in mediation - sitting across a table from him. That's going to upset Plan B, isnt it?

Yes!! After all tomorrow IS another day! (love Scarlett)

just made arrangements to go to a concert with friends so feeling happier (gradually)

Indie, hard as what you are going through is, you have a strategy, whereas it seems SL is totally lost and destroying all that was of value to him in his life. At the minute the OW is a bandaid for this , and who knows how long the bandaid will last. The thing is, it sounds as though the extent of the injuries he has inflicted on himself aren't going to be healed by any bandaid measure in the long term. You, on the other hand, are healing, take comfort in that. Sure, there may be a scar to remind you of the pain, but you will be healthy and whole.

I can't predict what will happen about his taking responsibility for the debt, I admit I would not hold a lot of trust in him either but life is full of suprises. What is important is that you are taking steps to protect yourself with the solicitor appointments.

If mediation does prove necessary, my brother and his XWW (admittedly in Australia) ended up doing it over the phone by teleconferencing. You may have other options rather then breaking Plan B. Something you can explore if it comes to that...

Now enjoy your weekend (though sadly I am still hoping for wet and cold weather for the UK so my WH is miserable ). Maybe see a movie if my hexing works... meanwhile I'd better get back to stirring my cauldron!