|
|
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437 |
Apparently the author of Love Languages has a new book out on appreciation in the workplace, based on many of the same languages as in the Love book, including physical touch. I think this is a HORRIBLE idea! Have any of you seen this? What are your thoughts? I always thought Languages was a good companion to MB, but I'm rethinking this based on this new direction the author has taken.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
Yuk!
Tel us a bit more, CW. Is there a link to a description?
I know I shouldn't pre-judge, but again - yuk!
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437 |
you can search for 5 languages of appreciation in the workplace. I'm not linking that! 
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437 |
I, of course, have not read it, so I only know the content that was put online about it. I bristle at 'quality time' and 'physical touch', but I don't know how they go in depth about it in the book. Quality time off? Quality time with your team at some resort, spouses excluded? Physical touch has no business in the business world, imho, that's just a good way to employ lawyers.
Has anyone here read it, know more about it than I? I'm thinking surely it can't be as horrible for marriages as I'm imagining, unless Mr. Chapman had a huge brain fart.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
My first thought on looking at the title:
"I guess organizations are so strapped for cash now they have to hand out appreciation to get people to stay, because that's all they have?"
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Amazon.com is showing me excerpts of the book. There is indeed a chapter on physical touch. It looks like it starts out with them saying that they received overwhelming concern at the thought that they would include such a chapter, followed by their justification of including it anyway.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
I have given my manager a lot of feedback over the years as to how I believe the situation in my job could be improved. If my manager acted on more of my feedback, I'd feel appreciated. None of my suggestions involve physical touch. I'm uncomfortable of the idea of my manager studying how best to touch me, although if we're just talking about a handshake here I'd say I'm not uncomfortable so much as distressed at the waste of time when there are so many other things that could be improved and so many better ways to show me appreciation.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,164
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,164 |
I'm uncomfortable of the idea of my manager studying how best to touch me 
Me - 44
DW - 39
Married 16 years
DS10
DS6
DD4
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1 |
Meh.
Physical touch ain't shocking.
Maybe if you are a 3-piece person.
If you are in the trenches, caring for the sick and dying, touch is an every day fact of life.
And, yes, sometimes it will be a coworker.
/shrug
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Meh.
Physical touch ain't shocking.
Maybe if you are a 3-piece person.
If you are in the trenches, caring for the sick and dying, touch is an every day fact of life.
And, yes, sometimes it will be a coworker.
/shrug I agree there are certainly situations when touch is appropriate. I did a bit more reading of that chapter and they tried to address it. Nobody wears a suit in my job, but we are in a situation where touching each other would just not be normal. If people clapped each other on the back or something it wouldn't be inappropriate, but probably seem a little over-exuberant. Obviously people need to touch the sick and dying. But if my manager were following along here, I'd suggest he listen to the suggestions of his disgruntled employees before reading a book about how best to speak our appreciation languages. Of course, my suggestion would probably go ignored.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1 |
Meh.
Physical touch ain't shocking.
Maybe if you are a 3-piece person.
If you are in the trenches, caring for the sick and dying, touch is an every day fact of life.
And, yes, sometimes it will be a coworker.
/shrug But if my manager were following along here, I'd suggest he listen to the suggestions of his disgruntled employees before reading a book about how best to speak our appreciation languages. Of course, my suggestion would probably go ignored. Bingo! So... what does it all boil down to? Boundaries, and the right of individuals to enforce them. If you don't like hand shakes and back claps... then nobody should be trying to shake your hand or pat your back. This should only have to be communicated once.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
Unfortunately, if I as a young person try to refuse handshakes (though I don't like being touched) I am likely to be seen as rude and vulgar and "not grown up."
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,164
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,164 |
Y'know I don't mind handshakes or high fives when appropriate. But early in my career I had this creepy manager who would come up behind people in their cubes and give them unsolicited power neck and shoulder rubs. That to me was over the line, but I was young and didn't have the words to really express it.
I read somewhere that some people will touch others (nonsexually) as a show of dominance, but I can't for the life of me remember where.
Me - 44
DW - 39
Married 16 years
DS10
DS6
DD4
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1 |
Y'know I don't mind handshakes or high fives when appropriate. But early in my career I had this creepy manager who would come up behind people in their cubes and give them unsolicited power neck and shoulder rubs. That to me was over the line, but I was young and didn't have the words to really express it.
I read somewhere that some people will touch others (nonsexually) as a show of dominance, but I can't for the life of me remember where. I was in several sports in school - football, track, wieghtlifting. A butt pat from teammates and/or coaches wasn't all that out of the norm. Mind you, however, that these were other guys. At that time I may have liked it if a female did... now it would give me the heebie jeebies. A handshake or a back pat is fine... but I have only allowed a hug once - the first time I dealt with a resident death on my shift. Largely because at the time I felt like I could have done more, and it wrecked me pretty bad. One of my coworkers stopped me when I was trying to get out the door, and I broke. Bleh.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025 |
Give yourself a pat on the back with one of this nifty signs... ![[Linked Image from larrywinget.com]](http://www.larrywinget.com/images/pat-back-2004.jpg)
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
I read somewhere that some people will touch others (nonsexually) as a show of dominance, but I can't for the life of me remember where. This is how some people use handshakes, though in my experience they are a vanishing breed.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
No kidding handshakes are a vanishing thing.
I met a client recently, only the second time I had ever laid eyes on me. We have only ever had professional contact. She came to me for a kiss on the cheek, and I was forced to comply or seem rude.
This "kissing people who are not members of my family thing" has got well out of hand.
Do you get Come Dine With Me over there? On that, complete strangers kiss instead of shaking hands in the proper way.
Who is to blame for this epidemic of kissing strangers?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
I met a client recently, only the second time I had ever laid eyes on me. We have only ever had professional contact. She came to me for a kiss on the cheek, and I was forced to comply or seem rude.
This "kissing people who are not members of my family thing" has got well out of hand.
Do you get Come Dine With Me over there? On that, complete strangers kiss instead of shaking hands in the proper way.
Who is to blame for this epidemic of kissing strangers? I am fairly certain that this is a European practice, so I blame them.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
I was about to challenge you to a dual for that comment, but then I realised you must be right.
French people kiss on both cheeks and Italians kiss THREE TIMES! Good grief, they could be there all day! And in France, they make a noise when they do it, like sucking a lemon.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Well, of course I'm right. I was very politely and obliquely blaming the French.
P.S. Romans 16:16 was written to Europeans, also.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
626
guests, and
35
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,621
Posts2,323,489
Members71,946
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
