What is your compelling argument about keeping Facebook? I used to have it and got rid of it. And I'm still alive today! It's nice to not 'have' to get on there to see all of my friends talking about themselves! And my real friends already know what I'm doing, so why go online to post it to them and other people who really don't care?

It's already been suggested to you, but if you absolutely can't go forward without blogging your life to all of your friends, set up an account with your husband. That keeps you accountable and sends a message of unity to anyone who googles your name.

He is misguided. You are an addict. Would he keep a line of cocaine in front of you if you were addicted to that? To see how you would face it? He does not understand the nature of addiction.

Hope, you're starting off great! Are you kidding - we're being gentle with you. You should be reading the thread of another poster right now who just can't seem to be able to convince us that it's okay to be in contact with her affair partner! What do you suppose we're doing on that thread? And it is to help the poster - that's why we do this!

You're here. You are truly trying. You are still a bit foggy, so you're going to be called on that. We're not out to get you, Hope. We're out to help you. If we come across as a little strident, it's because we want you to succeed and we get frustrated when we see you putting road blocks in the way of that success!

What's the chance you can get your H on here to post? Is he reading? We've got good info for him, as well.

HSL, I think there are some good things on that list.

I also see a lot of vagueness -- in particular, the things I've highlighted in purple. What do those things mean in terms of practical actions? How do you translate them into things that can help improve your side of the marriage on a daily basis?

Along the same vein, I also see a lot of self-focus in your list. Notice the parts of your quote that I've bolded? What's missing? Or rather, who's missing? Your husband, perhaps?
--When do you speak to him during the day?
--What do you talk about?
--How do you feel toward him?
--What do you do for him in a given day?
Your list needs to include more of him. That's part of the humility required to recover from having been an adulterer. (Note, as C.S. Lewis said, 'humility' doesn't mean you have to think less of yourself. But it does mean that you have to think of yourself less. Please ponder.) Are you sure that's not kind of a cop-out, HSL? For you, isn't it another way of saying "I am the way I am and I can't change."? Of course you can change. You came here because you wanted to change for the better, right?

Part of the change, for a wayward spouse, is developing the thicker skin required to perform the necessary introspection, the honest self-examination of one's motives, past & present, and the humility to see where what you did & what you thought before might not have been the best approach to a relationship with your spouse. If you don't have the thick skin, you can't look as honestly at yourself as you need to. So if you don't have a thick skin, you grow one. All the meditation & inspirational quotes in the world won't make a difference unless you allow yourself to grow from what you've experienced and read and thought about.

You're getting plenty of encouragement to take right actions. Some you are taking, and that's good as far as it goes. Some you are resisting.
Keep growing.

Have you gotten SAA yet, and what page are you on? What are you learning from it? Please answer.

It is so, so easy to unblock someone on Facebook. All it takes is a click, and he's back in your life. The temptation is there.

Flee from temptation.

That is the sign of true strength. Someone who recognizes danger, who knows her weakness and sees temptation for what it is, and takes action to prevent it from ever touching her again.

If you think you're strong enough that a promise is all it will take, you are fooling yourself. Remember, you also promised to forsake all others. What kept you from breaking that one?

I don't understand ... why risk contact? Why risk your marriage for a website?

Police yourself. Build a wall around your side of the marriage that no one can get through. Block any avenue of contact. Including Facebook.

Wow I just got through the most INTENSE withdrawal and temptation experience. I walked past a payphone and thought....I could just so easily call him... The OM. It seriously felt like I was craving heroin. I continued walking into Walmart to shop. I felt the urge like no other. I called my husband and got his voicemail. Well after a long shopping trip and an enormous exercise of self-control, The feeling eventually phased. I feel very proud for that one solitary moment of strength. After leaving the store I walked right past the payphone COMPLETELY relieved that I didn't give in. It was like heroin though!!! I'm relieved that feeling passed.

Mixed reaction from here, HSL.

You resisted the lure of the OM....today. For that, a large sigh of relief, but.....

The next time, maybe when you're less "up", when things are not going well for you? Will you resist so readily?

Prepare a "totem", HSL, for review when you start to feel the urge again. A picture of your BH, a picture with your children, something to refocus your mind to what you stand to LOSE for the putrid GAIN of a few moments talk with POSOM.

Tools make any task easier, HSL.

Hope, I think this is excellent! You're doing really well - keep going!

HSL,

I have seen sincerity in your posts and for that-Good Job! We are not here to break you down, but to keep your eyes facing on the goal at hand and that is recovering your marriage.

Thank you for being honest about your withdrawal episodes. I have been a strong advocate on you deleting Facebook etc. It is such an easy thing to do and will eliminate a possible way of contact. You said the feeling you experienced was related to being hooked on heroin. THAT is very powerful!!! And you are correct!!! You really need to get rid of the things that are POTENTIAL risk factors for you being re-set or triggered.

Not only does it lower the risk it gives your husband the MUCH needed security he so much deserves right now.

I use this saying with my football players "Team above Self"-maybe we could change that and put "Family above Self" do what is best for the health of your family (not just for the short-term)