U guys r great and I've appreciated all ur advice. I watched the video and I'm not lying about anything. What u don't understand is that it was not a fancy love affair. It was just inappropriate texting. We never hung out when we could of. Of course I wanted to. Seriously he has NO FEELINGS for me, wont talk to me for my and his relationship. He is NOT addicted to me. Yes I am. I felt like a single mom for two years and I was lonely and his attention helped. My HB knows that occasional contact is not what he wants. We just can't change our life for just friends crossing line if what OM believes. He seriously will not pursue me. Yes I'm weak around him. I'll run into him once for each holiday. I mean nothing to him so the only big deal is me who needs to not let it bother me. Yes it's the wrong approach but it's not like he's in love with me lol

Sunny,

Did you at least get tested for STDs?

God Bless
Gamma

And how would you feel if you H was engaging in "just inappropriate texting"... but wanted to take it further just wasn't given the opportunity? What you are doing is minimising your affair, the devestation and pain it can cause... and that, Sunny, is lying.

No contact with OM in any way, shape, or form for LIFE sunnysunshine. That is your first step. Can you do that?

Sunny, I am hearing that YOU are addicted, and hurt that OM is not... this makes you very vulnerable to chance. If given the opportunity, you are vulnerable to to all of the tragedy that accompanies a full-blown affair.

If OM was to end his affair with OW#2, and decide he might just be interested in you, what would your response be? Honestly? Are you going to leave recovering your marriage exposed to that chance?

Follow Dr Harley's advice for total separation - the right way to end an affair. Follow ALL of the advice given to you by the vets, do NOT just pick and choose when you and your marriage are vulnerable.

No contact includes the OM family. OM wife is keeping you up to date on the OM and this is triggering your feelings for him. It takes you back to Day 1 and you have to go through the withdrawal again...over and over each time you see or hear about him.

Isn't that what just happened? OM wife told you about his accident and you felt concern for him and broke down and contacted him.

It's interesting, though, OM seems to "get" this no contact rule when it applies to you.

Sunny, what do you mean by this... I assume your BH does not want you to have any contact with OM?

To quote Dr Harley "Permanent Separation not only helps prevent a renewal of the affair, but is also a crucial gesture of consideration to the betrayed spouse".

Don't rub salt in your BH's wound. Don't rub it in yours either.

I really hope for you and your marriage Sunny.

This just proves you aren't in the least serious and are staying in contact with the OM in the hopes you can hook up. You want to keep him around so you can pursue your affair. Cheaters who are serious about ending their affairs and saving their marriages do everything in their power to cut off contact. You are going out of your way to make sure that does not happen.

You are a dangerous woman. Did you tell your husband that you contacted the OM again today?

I would ask you that send him here so we can help him protect himself and his kids FROM YOU. You are a dangerous, silly woman who is playing chicken with other people's lives. How embarrassing to see a married woman making such a fool of herself.

You are wasting our time.

This is like talking to a brick wall.

I'm going to bow out.

Sunny,

I've been reading along, thinking on this a bit. Hon, you *want* to continue to cheat don't you?

It is very clear to everyone here that what you are doing is the exact opposite of what you know you should be.

One thing I think you have fooled yourself into thinking is that this really isn't just that bad, when in fact it is the most destructive thing you will ever do in this life. Don't believe me? Ask my wife of 22 years how she feels about her A's. There is never anything good that comes out of it.

OM has a GF? So you are pursuing a man to cheat on her too. It will wreck you, your husband, your families, the OM, his families, his GF her family... It will affect your friends as well. No one will get off scott-free in this.

If we run into him at a school function

Well if your husband doesnt want that, why do you insist he endure it?

Also, will he post on here?

Have you been honest about contacting the OM recently?

My HB doesn't want to change everything either. OM is not a threat cuz he doesn't want to repeat what he knows is wrong. Besides he has new attention now with his gf so doesn't want it from me anymore. He clearly stated his respecting my HB's wishes not to talk to me.

No way, why would I want to hurt him even more. No I won't ask him to post here and read what I've said. I don't want to send him into a depression

Sure you don't.

(I nominate her reply for another thread.)

Which suggests you withhold information out of him because you are afraid of his reaction?

Do you see this?

Do you believe your husband has the ability to make up his own mind and form his own decisions, or do you believe it is your job to protect him based on having information that is omitted?

sunny, this is NOT protecting him - this is manipulating him. You are expecting him to recover based on what YOU think he needs to know and from which pieces YOU decide to feed him. You are trying to slide through with the least amount of damage to yourself.


This is not being honest and is why you need to send him here.


It takes two people to rebuild the marriage and you are in no position to be the driver.


Send him here. Your judgement is too foggy.

SSS, I have rigorously stayed away from your thread for selfish reasons. It appears that this discourse is chasing its tail, ("I can't/won't do that"; "It wasn't like that!"; "You don't understand!" ) and consuming a lot of time/effort of some really wonderful folks here.

So let's cut right to the chase. In your opening note you wrote:

How do I forget him when I can't stop thinking about him? I'm trying to repair my marriage but I struggle with thinking about him. Kind advice needed.

Okay got a pencil? This shouldn't take long.

1) Tell your husband about EVERY past interface with POSOM that you would NOT want your Mother or children to know about. Full details: length of session (of whatever intensity); location; physical component; emotional content.

2) Tell POSOM's BW the same sordid story.

3) Apologize to both; ask BH specifically for assistance/supervision to prevent any type of renewed contact.

4) Send POSOM an NC letter, admitting your SHAME that you let your feelings for him supersede the dutiful feelings for your BH and family. Include in it DEMANDS that he honor your wish for total isolation from him (Addressing it to "POSOM" might be too much, but consider it.) Keep a copy and paste it on your refrigerator.

5) EVERY time you think of POSOM (without getting nauseous)call your BH, and the OMW. Ask their forgiveness yet again, and ask them to remind you what a slime-ball he was/is, and what an unfaithful wife you have proven yourself to be.

6) Do this for six months. Come back here if you are still having mushy-mushy thoughts about POSOM. If we hear from you at that time, I'll gladly provide the hi-intensity form of this regimen. (It involves billboards and newspaper ads, so I don't initially give that to beginners.)

Go Forward, Pilgrim!