Over the past two weeks I learned my ex-wife is dating again. No big deal to me that she's dating, but finding this guy as a friend on my daughter's Facebook was a bit un-nerving.

It has it's good and bad. I see she's progressing even further down the food chain when it comes to men. The guy just looks like a creeper.

I take my daughter back to her mother's Labor Day evening. I walk her to the door and no answer. DD knows the garage door code so I take her over there and she enters the code. Apparently ex-wife and new "friend" are getting it on in her car in the garage. Interesting, but it wasn't like she didn't know we were on the way.

Two days later I actually get to meet this person. He's well over 300 pounds and shorter than me. I'm 5'11" and about 225-230 depending on if it's before or after lunch He was walking down the street, carrying bags. I pull into the driveway thinking the guy I see looks a lot like XW's "friend" I saw on DD's Facebook. Sure enough, he stops at the house and DD lets him in. So he's shacking up with her. Hmmm, no car, does he not own a car? He chats me up about DD and his work. I remain polite but aloof.

Seems this guy is a peddler, has no car...

So XWW went from a degreed professional with a good job and all his teeth (and two cars) to someone who may or may not have the degrees, but certainly doesn't have all his teeth, no car and a sketchy job.

Now maybe he's doing the best he can in the economy. I certainly should pray for him since he seems to be in the orbit of my XWW.

Sometimes life just makes you go "huh?"

Actually, in the interests of honesty, I have one molar missing in preparation for an implant in the next 6 months once enough bone grows back. But if I didn't tell you, you wouldn't know it.

"Don't judge a book by its cover"

lol.......

It IS a good thing you have your teeth (minus the molar). That is helpful in life!

I usually try to give folks the benefit of the doubt. But this joker is now spending more time with my daughter than I do, due to where he's chosen to live and the custody arrangements. So let's just say I'm going to be a little more critical.

And I'll have all my teeth soon, or at least most of mine, plus the bionic tooth

Did she ever come back from lala land or has she been wayward all these years?

All I can do EE is

How is DD taking all of this?

EE, that's awful. My ex insisted on 50-50 custody, and in my state fathers are entitled to that. How about where you live? Or maybe your daughter's already grown?

I can answer both with one post.

She probably isn't taking it well. I try to walk that fine line of not being a creaper, but trying to make sure my daughter is safe. I asked her about him and she said "he's nice" which for a tween girl is a the kiss of death

But XWW called me last week about DD's therapy. Seems she's concerned because DD is closed off to her.

It may not have been the time, but I suggest that DD is simply behaving like she did. When she was unhappy with the marriage, instead of being open and honest about, when asked no less, she kept it all in and eventually had her affair. Now DD is following your example and you are concerned.

Well she went on about how it wasn't an affair, blah, blah, blah. I said well you lied about something then, either your vows to stay married til death do you part, or you are lying about your affair. Either way you are lying to me.

Still more denial and blame shift, how I was too hard to talk to, etc. When asked what she did to address that, if she wrote a letter, or engaged our pastor, or suggested professional help for the marriage, she just said that she guesses she wasn't strong enough. (Still isn't since she denies that she had an affair, or that it was wrong to break her vows.)

She said I'm too angry. I suggested that owning her behavior and apologizing would go a long way to improving our relationship co-parenting and telling our daughter that running away from difficult relationships and bottling up your feelings, and blaming the other person for your inability to be open and honest would probably help her more than therapy would.

But of course, she doesn't see that. What she did was right, and I was too difficult to be married to because if I couldn't just see her and know what to do, then I wasn't the right husband for her, blah blah blah.

I didn't really expect an apology. But I was hoping that she would see how her example impacts our daughter. But since she thinks it's all me, then it's pointless.

I may be intimidating, that's true. But I'm not unapproachable. In fact, I begged her and I beg my daughter to be open with me. I may not always agree, but I will always love my daughter.

Some folks just don't understand that the most loving thing you can do is to disagree. I'm afraid my daughter is going to become one of those as well. Someone unwilling or unable to see that disagreement is not the same as not being loved.

XWW is primarily concerned that DD is happy. While I want DD to be happy, it's not my top concern. My top concern is that she becomes a healthy, mature, confident woman who can take care of herself, but isn't a selfish child, thinking only of herself and what she can get regardless how it impacts others.

Given she grows up with such a selfish mother, there are some days where I don't have much hope. Seems the 1/3rd of the time I have with her doesn't have the same impact as her 2/3rds.