W stopped in this morning and I attemped to get conversation going as she seemed rather upbeat for a change(meanwhile I'm dragging along in depression) trying to figure out why we can't just talk.<P>We talked about the pros and cons of her moving back in as we see it. We are both unsure. But she said she didn't beg om to stay when he left and she wasn't begging to move back home.<P>I then asked what had happened for her to change the way she is acting towards me in regards to the kisses and hugs which have stopped again. I said her kisses were only pecks again and she said this is how I kissed her for years.<P>She then said, i never had "french" kissed in her 15 yrs, that is true passion.<P>AT that point all I could she was her and om doing that. Good thing I haven't been able to eat today.<P>When I just sat there she said aren't you going to reply to that, I told her what I was picturing and she said I'm out of here, nothing is getting accomplished this way. And so she left.<P>I've got a house full of kids so I can't even go and cry !

OHHHHH, I'm sorry. I know what you mean about not being able to cry when you really could use a good one.<P>Keep holding on. Waffling is expected. I've had a pretty bad day, too, so I can't give advice today. But, I AM thinking of you and sending a few hugs your way.<P>Lori

RWD,<P>I am sorry. I sounds to me like you W is still in w/d from om. How long ago did it end?<BR>Maybe your expectations of her are a little high right now. Maybe she is just testing the waters. It is entirely possible that she just doesn't feel comfortable kissing you now. (maybe it felt ok when she did it last week)<BR>I know this is hard. I know you want your W back and your family whole again. You need to be VERY patient and understanding right now.<BR>Try and hold on to the fact that she is even considering coming back. That is HUGE, my friend.<BR>Hang in there. Go to the bathroom and close the door for a few minites. Cry all you need to, wash your face, and go on w/ your day.<P>Sending you prayers and peace,<P>Cheryl<BR>

ceecee,<BR>its only been just over a month since om dumped her. I thought maybe she would get over it as she was really angry at him. She told me that she really didn't have to deal with him and thay nobody else in her dept was either. Then this week she tells me that she is talking to him again about how their marriage are going, etc. So I think maybe she is back in withdrawal as she is remembering what a "good" time they had over the summer.<P>The coming back part bothers me. She says she will come back to take care of the kids and the house and will sleep in the guest room. I want her to come back for me and sleep in our bed. Is that too much to ask ?<P>I realize I'm probably hoping for a too much too soon, but I guess I wasn't expecting the backslide so soon.

RWD,<P>I don't think that wanting your wife back is too much to ask, eventually. But, right now, I do think it may be too soon.<BR>Her affair is still pretty fresh in her mind. She is probably wondering, "what if".<BR>Hang on RWD. It is going to be a rough road, but you can make it.<BR>Show her that YOU are the man SHE wants to be with. Be the man she fell in love with. Try not to expect to much from her, it will only make you feel worse when you don't get it.<P>Strength to you my friend,<P>Cheryl

Hi RWD -<P>I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here for a moment.....<P>You asked you wife a question relating to pecks for kisses and your discomfort with that and need for an explanation..<P>Your Wife in turn wanted to know why you hadn't made out with her for 15 years!!<P>**** STOP**** <P>You are both asking each other a question that you wanted answers to because the reasons for it are confusing and sending mixed and hurtful messages <P>You ask about something recent...she asked about something that has bothered her for years!!!! This is important stuff that contributed to confusion and misinterpretations....<P>Both of you had an opportunity to clear something up here.....but what did you both do with that opportunity?<P>Instead of answering - you made it about you!!!!<P>I am not saying this to make you feel worse....I am saying that you both need to start some effective communication!!<P>Why did you not just answer her question?<P>What you told her about the "images" was basically a slap to her....also, once again she has no answer to her question!! That is why she left and said that this was getting nowhere...<P>I realize that you did not mean to hurt her and thought that sharing your thoughts and being honest is the most important thing....and you're right - it is!!!!<P>But there is also - a time and a place for everything......you were not "listening" to each other.....<P>You did not stop and think...to try and understand where she was coming from and you let your thoughts rush out of your mouth before looking at the reason for her asking you what she did!!!!<P>AGAIN, I AM NOT trying to hurt....I think you and your wife could be fine and actually have a much better marriage.<P>But, RWD....these communication skills must be learned.....that's where the root of the problems is - not the OM!!!!<P>If you think and/or talk about him instead of putting all your focus on your wife....these kinds of things will continue to happen and you and she will get nowhere...<P>If you had put the OM in perspective, which to me is just the route to escape from problems in life.....then you might have "heard" your wife, instead of "images of OM"....<P>Try !!!!!<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Sheba,<P>Words of pure wisdom... <P>I can only add there are the non-verbal forms of communications... a suprise bouquet of flowers, an invite to a movie (yes I know babysitters are expensive), anything that in the early romance day of you and your W is also an excellent form of communications.<P><BR>RWD... have a good cry...<BR>the get those flowers. <P>Jim

Sheba, <BR>Thanks for the reply and it is right on the mark. My counselor said almost the same exact thing.<P>Our biggest problem is lack of communication and while I'm probably the main culprit, I'm beginning to see my w has a problem too. <P>NSR,<BR>I have been doing the flowers(2x this month) and we have gone out to the movies once and shopping(ech!)twice. I had offered to take her to a museum and instead we went shopping last week. I probabaly screwed up taking her to the football game, but the kids wanted to go, so I asked and she said yes, and then she is mad because I made her go, so who's not communicating now?<P>We have counseling Tues nite and she already asked if I wanted to go out after(her treat!) so I'll have to see if she lives up to that.<P>She had asked us last Sun to go to church with her today, but she never said anything else about since the kids weren't too excited about it and she ended up not going anyhow, but went window shopping instead.

Sheba, <BR>Thanks for the reply and it is right on the mark. My counselor said almost the same exact thing.<P>Our biggest problem is lack of communication and while I'm probably the main culprit, I'm beginning to see my w has a problem too. <P>NSR,<BR>I have been doing the flowers(2x this month) and we have gone out to the movies once and shopping(ech!)twice. I had offered to take her to a museum and instead we went shopping last week. I probabaly screwed up taking her to the football game, but the kids wanted to go, so I asked and she said yes, and then she is mad because I made her go, so who's not communicating now?<P>We have counseling Tues nite and she already asked if I wanted to go out after(her treat!) so I'll have to see if she lives up to that.<P>She had asked us last Sun to go to church with her today, but she never said anything else about since the kids weren't too excited about it and she ended up not going anyhow, but went window shopping instead.