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Does your wife and her dad know you screwed her own brother's wife?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You will have to avoid any and all family gatherings that the SIL attends. You have wrecked this family and made it impossible for your wife to have normal family relations as long as she is with you. She would be wise to dump you. But if she doesn't have the sense to dump you, you should know that in order for your marriage to ever recover, you can't ever see or speak to the SIL ever again. Does everyone in the family know what you did? Because everyone should know so they know not to include both you and the BIL/OW at their gatherings.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Do your parents know what kind of a son they have?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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..
Last edited by LaDooN; 09/16/11 02:53 PM.
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My parent's do not know. I have not told them, and my wife does not want me to tell them. I would be extremely ashamed for what I've done. Well, you should be ashamed, that is the point. And I would strongly suggest you tell your parents what you have done. They can support your marriage if they know. The more people who know, the more people to hold you accountable and to support you and your wife. Personally I think my BIL and SIL are trying to get us to separate so that they will not have to see me, when most of my wife's family KNOW that my SIL has cheated more than one time, and blames her the most. ( I know that this does not excuse me, I still take full responsibility ) The BIL and SIL should NOT SEE YOU. You are the OM. You are dangerous to their marriage. So they would be stupid to EVER see you again. If you take "full responsibility" then ACT like it. Actions have to back up your words or your words are meaningless. Saying you "take full responsibility" and taking no action AND blaming someone else is NOT taking responsibility for the damage you caused. Talk is cheap. Will your FIL and MIL come here and speak to us? When there has been a family affair, there are certain things they need to know in order to protect their family. You and the SIL are loose cannons that will have to be watched and they need to know this. This is now a FAMILY problem.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My parent's do not know. I have not told them, and my wife does not want me to tell them.I would be extremely ashamed for what I've done. You need to man up and tell them. They can help hold you accountable. Only a baby runs from the consequences because he is "ashamed." You should be very ashamed. If you are not, then you are probably a sociopath.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Tell your parents.
Own the mess you created with all the people you love.
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Hi LaDoon,
I agree that you need to tell your parents. Simply because you need to start living an honest life all around. And once everybody knows you cheat/have cheated, it will be alot harder for you to do it, if the opportunity arises again. It's not about humiliating yourself, it's about putting up precautions that will help you in the future.
That being said, I think you need to make a decision about your marriage. If you want to stay married, then start working. Read up on Dr Harley's work. Make a plan and ask your wife to join you in it. It will be a long and hard road, but if you put in the work, it will payoff.
I met my husband at a very young age and proceeded to mess up exactly like you and your wife are doing. Be smart. Don't wait and mess it up even more. Meet her in Washington and start repairing your relationship using Dr. Harley's methods. Start reading and working the lists together.
-txnatheart
Me-FWW/BW
Him-FWH/BH
DS-7
D-Month for me 01/08
D-Month for him 09/08
Plan B-Fall 2010
Currently in recovery
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Wow LaDoon...you really screwed things up for your young wife didn't you. Honestly if it were me, and I didn't have kids and were barely in my 20's, I'd divorce you. And never look back.
But do me a favor here, do NOT blame your wife for not telling you she loved you as the stupid reason you cheated multiple times on her. That dog don't hunt.
Do not give any excuse here. And if you can't hold your alcohol, and it makes you turn into a twisted perv, then you need to NEVER DRINK AGAIN ok?
Btw, is the other guy in the 3some (I assume it's a guy)married? If so HIS WIFE has to be told also as she cannot trust him.
Your BIL is right to never see you again, but he is WRONG IF HE INTENDS TO HURT YOUR WIFE, (the other wronged party) by having her see his ho wife. I am sorry, but you have PERMANENTLY damaged the family situation and there will have to be precautions forever in place if you are to keep away from the posow (your sil).
There is no excuse for this happening, as it forever changes the family landscape. She's a better woman than I, wanting to take you back. I sure wouldn't.
If you are going to work to heal your marriage, understand there are many EXTRA=ORDINARY PRECAUTIONS you will have to take to make your wife safe so you do not cheat on her again. And you'll also need them to make her feel some level of security in the marriage again (at some point).
Again, you're a lucky guy. You should become the greatest MB warrior here ever, because honestly I do not know why your betrayed wife is taking you back. So EARN some level of trust back and WORK hard to try to repair the serious damage you have inflicted on the marriage.
Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
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She's a better woman than I, wanting to take you back. I sure wouldn't. ....Again, you're a lucky guy. You should become the greatest MB warrior here ever, because honestly I do not know why your betrayed wife is taking you back. So EARN some level of trust back and WORK hard to try to repair the serious damage you have inflicted on the marriage. Peachy's right, your wife is showing incredible bravery and love by being willling to take a chance on you. Can you be as courageous? Can you confess to the people who love you, and accept the consequences as your due? Can you spend every day from now on showing her just how much you appreciate her strength? Start by taking the vets advice. To the letter.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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