The "She" is WH's cousin, to go-between locally. Just so there is no confusion

Indie, I agree with all of your logic. Good call.

I am with the school of thought that Softie is feeling the pangs of being a quitter on support, and that this is his half-way attempt of trying to maintain his EN of being a "good guy", so to speak.

I totally get the feeling of being insulted, and again another reason to stay as dark as you can, and find a way to stop getting these messages and letters.

Yes, more cake eating, and you should do what you can to stop it Indie.

God Bless

I thought about it and think you should have IM not mention him paying the bill BUT mention that messages need to go through them (IM).

Then, he understands that is stated BUT no mention of the bill paid. LOL.

A reminder of Plan B with a rap on the knuckles... And Softlad does not get the recognition (or EN met) that he so desperately wants...

So simply have IM send him a message saying that all communication needs to go through her?

I quite like that, he gets no pat on the back for paying the bill, no acknowledgemnt of my noticing it, just a rap on the knuckles for breaking the rules.

It may reinforce the message that I am not going to be drawn in to discussions or give him anything like a fantasy divorce scenario.

On the other hand silence will do that too.

But the IM option tells him not post things, which he may take notice of, out of pride if noting else.

Im going to mull it over a day or so I think.

Leaning towards having the IM send something.

Tough decision. On the one hand I would ignore it, as he'll be wondering what the heck? He gets NO reinforcement, he'll try to do more stuff, and then you can sent the IM a message. He will be forever wondering. If the IM sents a message he kind of gets a confirmation of his actions.

Don't respond , leave him to wonder. Silence is your strength .

If you don't have the IM redirect him to her, he will continue slipping you stuff and fantasizing about your clasping it to you chest and melting at the thought of his profound love. That is why I say have IM simply say, "All correspondence and messages to indiegirl need to go through me. She will not look at things that do not go through me. Thanks."

If you do nothing, though it is a statement of sorts.....believe me.....he will continue and escalate.

Then have the IM say something like 'i have received your bill, please direct all communications through me'?

I'm on the fence about both approaches.

I agree with reading, and soon as his hand is slapped, he will be upset but at least he knows there is/are adults that are supporting Indie and not people willing to let her become a victim to his drama crap he is playing.

I quick slap of his knuckles with the message that he has lost the opportunity to be in her life now should be sufficient

Ok I just got hit on by my friends dad!!! Aside from being an old friend she is also my bro's gf and mum of my little niece (the niece of giant killer hedgehog fame for old thread readers!)

He's older than my dad and looks it, tufts of white hair and balding.

Hes getting divorced, asked me how I was doing when we met on the street and continued to chew my ear off about nonsense (something he does) He said I had lost weight, looked great and that he found my conversation stimulating and intelligent! I dont know how he would know - he never shuts up.

He said would I want to go out for a drink and flummoxed, I told him to arrange something with his daughter and my brother for us all to go out. (Plans which I would then dodge - hes very boring)He said he wanted it to be just us and could we 'make a date' now and I said I would not want to do that.

I said people going through a divorces should have lots of people around them and fun, not go out on-on-one to talk about such matters.

Honestly is it just me or is this waaaaaaay out of line. Clearly I am be vulnerable at such a time - plus we are practically related! Hes my nieces grandad!

His daughter is only a year younger than me. My dad would put him through a wall.

I just thought that was shocking

Its so shocking that I keep wondering if Ive misunderstood and he just wants someone to talk to, which is bad enough, but anything more - ewwwww.

The only problem with the silence Imdie is that is that it is left unto his own imagination, and as we know, it is ripe with everyone,"Not understanding him"...

Make him use people on this planet, because we know what is real, and we don't accept what he is doing.

He needs to pull his head outta his...

JMO..

OMG Indie Lol, He is way out of line sweetie, you handled it well though..

I was talking to a beutiful 19 year old girl the other night, who was also way too friendly for her own good, but being 53 I was able to understand that she was just messed up, and we ended the convo with the understanding that sex was over-rated, and avoided the converstaion about how love was needed, to make sex valueable, because well, that would lead to much more than was appropiate in that sort of conversation.

I wasn't gonna take advantage of that with her, and I know where that can lead, how sad and sick that can become, the wise old guy and the confused young woman...

If he ever approches you again, tell him your father would bury him if he ever knew about it,and get ready to tell him if he doesn't stop his foolishness. He still needs to grow up, and you aren't gonna be part of his lessons he needs to learn in the process.

Point him to this site if anything Indie, we can deal with him in whatever is his pain, if he is willing to listen

He's loser CP who lives in a fantasy world. I think his pain is sorta related to the fact he isnt 21 any more. His wife walked out on him because she doensnt want to be married to someone who goes out partying 24/7 and bringing the band home wih him (yes that really happened)

I doubt coming to this site would help him realise he is supposed to be a grown up.

I am thinking strongly of telling his daughter. If my dad was hitting on my friends, id want to know.

Yeah obviously, he has probably been like that for years, and now "the roach is coming out", in his personality now.


Probably a good bet that at least someone will deal with him, and if I am right, his DD will have some pull on that front, as she probablt takes after the more mature family member, her Mom.

I'd say that instead of telling his daughter, tell YOUR FATHER. Let Daddy take care of him.

Actually her mother is totally nuts. As were her subsequent stepmothers. Her stepdad is nice though. Hes the only explanation for how she turned out so well!



Hehehe. This could be quite amusing. If my dad can keep it reigned in. Sometimes hes a bit of wildcard. Like all dads with daughters I guess!

I agree w/others on how to deal with soft lad.

However, this stuff is common and you just realize it is designed to MANIPULATE YOU into ending plan B and also thinking he's some sort of a residual nice guy. Things could be beginning to go downhill in crappyland, and he may be missing parts of his prior life by now. Plus I'd bet his conscience is playing havoc w/him. After all he betrayed his BEAUTIFUL STRONG WIFE and his dead former best friend by shagging THE BLACK WIDOW.

He wants to still look good in your eyes. This is last resort stuff. He wants to see if you'll bite if he dangles a carrot in front of you. That you will break the silence. That you will THANK him, initiate contact, and that he can get his fix of you again and maybe, just maybe if you are feeling weak, you might say something like a compliment to him. Don't let him. Go dark. This is his obligation. He basically had to do that, don't even worry or question a darn thing.

Wanna know what happened to me after I'd left Darth? One day I came home and there was a note from my landlord (I was leasing a home) saying he had been contacted by my then wh asking permission if he could bring me something. I did not have a television at the time. Left all of them in a huff when I left him. Plus I had no washer or dryer and refrigerator. I'd just moved in a day or two earlier and was shopping for them.

When I had to move, it was due to a serious issue and done literally in an instant. Got the home luckily too.

anyhow, I read the note, opened the door and found out I'd been visited by BAD SANTA. Yep. Inside was a large, flat screen tv, another tv in a box for my sons' room, and a washer and dryer was hooked up in the utility room and a refrigerator was plugged in and working in the kitchen. I called my landlord, and he said that Darth called him and said he needed to get my things to me, and that I needed them desperately for my little boy, and could he LET HIM IN MY HOUSE? My landlord thought Darth was feeling sorry, that he was maybe changing (he knew why I moved in and needed the house so quickly), and tried to be nice and LET HIM IN without my permission. So basically all day, Darth and some workers and the landlord were shooting the bull inside my new home, with him sitting on my couch watching tv, and just walking around..VIOLATING MY SPACE.

If you give SL an inch, he'll take a mile. When I didn't respond to what he did (he should have sent me my existing property as I had no need to buy anything new. He should have had to buy them for himself), he sent my IM a scathing email (our neighbor at the time) saying he could not believe how ungrateful I was (reinforcing his being wayward and also lashing out b/c I didn't break plan B and give him attention/adoration for playing "bad santa").