Chiming in here for the first time. Excellent job, BTW.

Her reaction is normal to what you've done. Accusations of control are normal when you interfere with her ability to have an affair.

Let me put things into perspective for you.
You HAVE your wife there with you......mine moved out of the home in May of this year, I found out about her Affair on July 4th.
The next day I confronted the POSOM face to face.
I exposed the Affair far and wide.
My WW won't even communicate with me. (Most likely still in "Screaming Mad Foggy Alien Syndrome")
My DD won't even communicate with me. (Probably recruited by her Mom to be mad at me for the exposure/embarrassment to her family and our friends)
I would just like to have the OPPORTUNITY to work the MarriageBuilders program with my Wife!!!!!!!!
You HAVE THAT OPPORTUNITY!!!.....USE IT!!!
If you work the MarriageBuilders plan and she leaves.....Was she yours to begin with?
Use the opportunity that is in front of you.
I wish I had it!!

Thanks everyone for the replies. While still monitoring her accounts I came across a text she sent to her friend Sara that says yes I have been looking for apts here and there. Why is she still looking for apts if we are working on this?

I'm pissed, I'm angry and I don't want to overreact. I just don't know what to say to her about it or do I just keep my Plan A just as strong as I have been.

Hello again and I hope everyone is having a great weekend! Well the wife and me just had our first "constructive argument" There was no yelling just pure expression of emotion.

It has been a REALLY long time since we have both been able to do that. Usually one of us is emotionally out of control, which causes the other to shut down.

So during the argument my WW described that she holds a resentment towards me and that she has pinpointed where the resentment is at its strongest. She says it has to do with my lack of what she feels is validating her feelings and honestly listening and caring about what she has to say.

To be honest, I thought I was good at that but she described my listening as someone that gives very little to no feedback when she tells me something, or I just give her eye contact and say ok when she stops speaking. She says its like Im there, but Im not "there".

I can admit that I do tend to be that way when listening to her. Is there anything I can do to better my listening skills or to show her I am listening? She says my body language seems off sometimes too. Like it comes off as uninterested. Just looking for some steps to improve this which seems to be a big problem in our marriage too.

Adopt the Japanese style. I'm told they tend to say "hai" ("yes") throughout the conversation to show that they are listening.

Do something similar to that, would be my suggestion.

Its been a while but here is a quick update. My wife and I have been getting along great. Spending lots of time together, I'm certainly filling her EN more than ever.

She has began referencing our lives together in the future more. We have looked at some houses, talked about if we have another baby, etc. Then I check her email today and see that she is still telling some people that she is looking for her own apartment. Im devastated to say the least.

Has this happened to anyone else? The person seems happy, content but is telling SOME not ALL her friends that she is still looking for her own apt. Some friends she tells we are working at our marriage and she is falling in love with me again. I'm just so damn lost.

"Has this happened to anyone else? The person seems happy, content but is telling SOME not ALL her friends that she is still looking for her own apt. Some friends she tells we are working at our marriage and she is falling in love with me again. I'm just so damn lost."

Really? LV: what have you done in the last week?

Is this A killed?


Doesn't sound like it, my friend.

P.S.

Has this happened to anyone else?

Yeah. Everyone. Get serious, dude.

How can we help you?

Well it might be that you are being gaslighted, and it might be that she is sitting on the fence with her attitude with everybody else.

See you are polite, and sound like a kind man, I have read through your thread, and you are wonderful emotional person IMO.

But that is not what she needs, and that is not what she craves, not if she was in love with some on-line personality.

Your exposure said,"I don't want to make waves or trouble, so I will expose to others, and pray it will be enough" When it should have been a global outcry of dominance.

You are dealing with a fantasy from a fantasy world of online gaming, and I know what that means also.

Time to stand up and be counted, be clear,(without angry outbursts), cool and confidant, that you passionatly want your marriage to be healthy and whole, and insist on doing the work laid out on this site, and insist she stop living in a fantasy.

If she is not willing to stand up to her friends for the marriages sake, she is effectivly lieing to you when she says she loves you. She is still in a fog, a fantasy induced one, and sitting on a fence looking at the grass that appears greener on the other side, waiting to be swept off her feet by prince charming.

If she was really sorry, she would not be telling her friends, "Well, I am still looking for a place to stay, Yeah, I am still leaving him", she would be working on her marriage.

I know how dibilitating this is, and how nut-crushing it is, and I know how much you just want it to be over, but she needs to choose, and work at it also, and you need to force the choice, and not feel bad about it. Your marriage will continue to be in this state of flux, until someone makes the decision, to change it.

Don't be afraid to take the lead, she needs it, the books you can get from the website can help you, and we can to, if you can take action.

Will you be that guy?

You see, it just sounds like you are filling ENs but not all of them. What about RC? What about excitment? What is it she finds about her online "romance" that was so appealing?

You CAN ask her, you can find out, you can find out with radical honesty.

have you presented the program to her? Have you worked at it weekly? Taking time to talk about the hard questions?

If you avoid them, they are still there, like an elephant in the room.

I would get the books, present them as guidance, and see what she does. That would show whether she is just leading you on, or seriuos about saving the marrige.

Proverbs 27:7
The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.

What does she hunger for, and what is filling her soul, her zest for life, her desires?

Her job? Her fantasy life gaming? Or you and the kids, you first of course.

You must be her place of rest, and the most exciting thing in her life, that she does not own unconditionly. She must respect her time with you, and you also with her.

Mutual care for emotional needs, explore them with her, and bring her down to earth, where the real heros live.