I haven't received your email, yet.

I wasn't arguing with you, I was trying to be persuasive, and I can honestly say that I don't give up easily. You are a grown person, and you are living your life. I also have to think about the other people who are reading your thread and seeing this and then they may use this as an example. It's not MB, and I can't stick up for it, if I don't truly believe in it. Saying that, understand that I will still try to nudge you towards Plan B.

I really don't believe that we were arguing because I DO want you to be able to be in the same room as him for a deposition and NOT have a mental or emotional breakdown. I DO want you to be healed. My absolute FIRST thing that I want for you is the PROTECTION that you could get from being in Plan B. If his emails are EVER more than what you can handle, please consider going DARK.

H&G, we are just concerned that you may be in a "false recovery" of sorts. I do not see where having contact with your STBXWH will help anything at all.

If I was forced to sit in the same room for a court case with mine - and XWH wanted to do this until I sent a letter flatly refusing to see him - if I was forced to do this, I would simply Not Look At Him. That was my back-up plan. Sounds stupid, but it would work. I refuse to allow him to torment me any further by having him stand in front me as a single man just reeking of other women. Not going to happen. And if I *had* been forced to be in the same room with him, his face could have been painted purple with green stripes and I would not have known because I would never once have looked at him.

It just sounds like you are finding a reason to get a fix of STBXWH. That's what we are concerned about. That's what I mean by "false recovery". Because one little fix leads to another, and another, and another . . . and before you know it he's trampling you and your kids again. THAT is why you must prevent it.

I mean, think about it: You say it's okay to see him now because you don't care about him anymore. But if you really didn't care about him anymore, there'd be no reason to see him.

And if you don't see him, you can better protect yourself and your children from the cruelty of an active wayward.

See what we mean?

You insist that *you* have changed - but how has *he* changed? What steps has *he* taken to no longer be a toxic source of pain to you and your children?

Scotty, maybe you should request my email address from the mods. I hit notify and asked that my email address be sent to you (and I did provide it in the message), so I don't know why it hasn't been sent to you.

Thanks for understanding. I will pull back and go DARK when the deficits outweigh the benefits. It's a fine line, but I will be watchful.

The dryer buzzed--gotta go play happy homemaker again.

[quote=Scotland] I also have to think about the other people who are reading your thread and seeing this and then they may use this as an example. It's not MB, and I can't stick up for it, if I don't truly believe in it [/quote

Hi Hope and Grace. Think you are amazing. As a newbie BS who has veered between plans FU, plan D and plan B, perhaps I have no right to post here.

However hearing about your pain in plan B has convinced me Plan B is the way to go as nothing else has. Perhaps I should explain.

All the plans are 'right' in that you have been left in the position of fighting for your health, finances, sanity and strength of mind. So you can do whatever you want!

Its just a few things that caught my attention.

You made a great dig at OW, which made me laugh, but why say it to him? Why show you are hurting, you have friends for this.

He is being allowed to come and go as he pleases and see you, albeit briefly. I think you are proud of the strong person he is glimpsing, (and so you should be) but you dont need him in your head that way. You are constantly reviewing how he is reacting to you. Protect yourself better than this.

As to the pain and fear when you do see him, its not surprising is it? He is not your dh, he is a swamp crature with horrible eyes, expression and tone of voice. who treats you appallingly. Treat him as the disgrace he is, dont look at him.

For what its worth, When I came across my wh the other day (he's maing plans to go abroad b/c Im unreasonable for exposing a 'fictitious' affair) I didnt look at him and to all q's I replied 'Ask the IM'

He went off with huffs, stomps, and his panties in a wad. It was amusing.

Read the Art of War, too in prep for your divorce. It will explain far better than me that you have to have a safe 'dark' haven from which to fight a war against the swamp creature.

Pot shots at OW, however funny, strong and true, expose you too much.

Thank you Mulan, I never thought of this as a possible "false recovery" but a false personal recovery could be just as damaging, if not more.

Indie, you have every right to post on this thread about this topic cuz that post was brilliant. Thank you as well.

H&G I have notified the mods to send it to you again. I just realized though that PM should have it so instead of bothering them, I will bother her (luv ya PM)

Scotty, I don't think PM will do that. I've had a generic email linked to my profile for a long time. It was removed, but I have replaced it. Hopefully, the mods will leave it alone.

Those who would like to contact me may do so. I will only reply to those who know my original user name for this site.

If the email address is removed and if no one will give me yours or you mine, then I will not be back. I'm getting the mods message loud and clear.

I IMd PM and she said that she no longer had your email addy. I will find another way.

I don't believe that it is personal. JMHO

????

What are you talking about?
It's still on your profile, I just looked.

TBH, i didn't even think to look at your profile. I did now and message sent

Pepperband, I had just re-added it to my profile.

Scotty, I re-entered it incorrectly. The same beginning but at hotmail.com. Please send again.

Great, now someone is reading the original one saying, "Huh?" HAHAHAHAHA

I tried to email you too , did not work. YOu can email me at
*** edit ***

Hope,
Your email address has remained online longer than we normally allow in order to help you feel safe by allowing an online email exchange. Please understand that we do not normally allow this because of safety concerns for our members. Please email JustUss if you would like further information regarding our privacy rules.

I have removed your email address at this point as a measure of online protection for you. Please email me if you have any questions.

Thank you MBSeasons. I appreciate everything you guys do. You guys ROCK. Internet privacy IS important and I understand.

Ditto, MBSeasons. I appreciate the tolerance shown.

I thought I'd post an update and let anyone who cares know what's going on in Divorceland with me.

We're meeting again on Monday for another round of depositions. WH was not deposed last March, when I was, so this will be the first time he gets an opportunity to shove his size twelves down his throat.

My attorney had been trying like the dickens to get Dumpy to be deposed, but we can't subpoena her to come to my state from hers. My attorney's newest brainstorm is to attempt to get an order from the court enabling him to subpoena Dumpy to be deposed in her town. We'll find out after the court date of 9/29 whether this is possible.

I've made several personal improvements. I went on vacation with my oldest (D) and youngest (S) to the Gulf. We had a great week there.

I now have 2 kittens--BayBay and Abby. I've never had cats before, but I adore them.

My situation at work is pretty intolerable. I almost walked out and quit--it would mean the end of my teaching career. I have a new administrator this year and I think she dislikes me. I've gotten an unfairly low evaluation and I've had many drop-in "visits" from her. My counselor has advised me to get another job because I cannot handle more stress in my life.

Unfortunately, I can't live without medical insurance so I can't just quit. I should have quit before WH became wayward; I wanted to, but didn't. Stupid me!

Please pray for me to have the strength to get through Monday. I'm a non-confrontational kind of gal and dread the whole process.

Peachy, I wish there was a way I could get in contact with you off-board. I greatly miss your advice.

I think you can ask for a mod to give you her email..

Been there, done that, Karmas Rose. I still don't have her email.

Meggin, I think the person you're trying to "reach" has to agree too. The mods don't just give out emails.

I just want to speak out on this as I have been discussed concerning my email and safety. Please do not discuss me as if I am not here, I have read this thread and let it sit for a good while until the very issue was brought up again. IT IS MY EMAIL. A mod does not have the power to give it out and I don't want them to. You cannot demand a mod to give out personal information about another poster.

Online safety is important to me. As a mom also. My child shares my computer so you understand. I do not give out my email unless I personally know somebody. Just how I operate.
And I help and keep online helping HERE. At MB. Plus our mods know that online and in the vast internet universe, safety is a huge priority. Our membere here are SAFE. Your email is just as safe as mine is.

As for privately emailing, my job is demanding and I have a new husband and a child, so my time is rather tight. Heck I have a couple of hundred emails I need to get through now. Thus, I keep my helping here at MB. My own dh and I need to get in our 20 plus hrs together too right?

Plus there is another issue that has been addressed and you know what I mean. My personal information is mine, and I am not sharing it with anybody else on any other site. I have to be up front and address you on this.