First, I would like to apologize for starting another thread. I am in a bad place right now. My DDay was 5/05/10. It has been 16 mos. and my life is upside down. I have just now started realizing that my WH has not been honest with me.

I will list the things my WH has done in our marriage, it will get confusing, I am sorry.

1. WH had first A (I think it was his first) from Aug. 1996-Oct. 1996. Lasted 6 wks. I was 12 wks. pregnant with our 3rd child when I found out.
2. 1997- monitered WH phone calls. I would push redial on our phone after I came home from shopping etc. and the same # was dialed, a lady's work voicemail. This happened 2 times, and I confronted him and he denied anything and everything.

3. 2004- while on a family vacation, my WH cell phone got a text. I looked at it and it said 'when you get back on Friday, maybe we can go out to dinner.' I confronted WH. WH said it was sent to the wrong #.

4. June 2008- WH starts 2 year A with skank ho.

5. Sept. 2009- saw a text from WH to a different woman(not skank ho) on his work cell. It said '**edit**?' and she replied '**edit**!' Confronted WH. WH said that was the only text exchanged! Haha.

6. May 2011 noticed that on WH personal cell, he and another female(again NOT skank ho and not sexting ho) exchanged several hundred
texts a month. These texts were from 9/17/09-10/17/09. 714 texts to skank ho, and 440 to the other female,(not the same female he was sexting) in one month!

So, my WH was sexting with someone on his work cell, texting a different female 440x in one month, while having an A with skank ho, and texting skank ho over 700x not to mention all the phone calls he made to skank ho, too. All of this took place in Sept. 2009.

I'm wondering who in the heck I married. Not sure I can or even want to try at this marriage anymore. Is it even worth it?

Sunshine, I understand your anguish, but hit the Notify button and ask the moderators to merge this with your old thread. You have a ton of info on your other thread that the posters need in order to form accurate advice.

I went through your old posts quickly to see what you and your WH have done to recover the marriage. It appears that you have done very little. Is that correct?

MB, We have actually done a few things in the past year to try to recover our marriage. Boundaries were set, I have access to his cell phone, we have spent more time together in the past year than we have during our whole marriage, I think! We play cards, tennis, take walks, go shopping, text and call throughout the day while at work. We are literally joined at the hip. Lately, though, I just started thinking that this recovery is not just about 1 or 2 affairs. This recovery is soooo much more! As you can see. I'm dumbfounded, and do not know what I should do.

Sunshine, you have a serial wayward on your hands.

I would immediately go to plan B and have his belongings packed on the front porch. No need to even launder them.

Have plan B letter set out with CLEAR LAID PLANS for EXTRAORDINARY PRECAUTIONS to be made if you are to even entertain one tiny thought of ever taking him back.

He shows he cannot be trusted around women. He will not be faithful. I think you should get phone counseling on this one from Dr. H. It needs serious help.

Sadly though, he sounds like my xhw, who was a serial cheater and IS still a serial cheater. He has no boundaries. He doesn't want to respect the marriage and hasn't in years. How many times do you have to catch him?

Pack his bags, tape plan B letter to them, and have locks changed by tomorrow when he would normally arrive home.

You went thru this sweetie, before I even did with my xwh. Your wh has had enough time to learn the MB concepts. It is time for being tough. No reason to give him an inch or plan A.

Only other thing I'd do is hire a PI. I would have him followed so you can finally get more evidence, in case you need them for a court appearance and fault to be established. You keep writing all you see is cell phone "evidence" in a message. Like you don't believe it really, what is going on. Well educate yourself sweetie.

Time to learn what he's really been doing behind your back for 14 long years. THIS WILL TAKE A TOLL ON YOUR HEALTH if you do not act on this and purge this horrible pain from your life. You need to get this unrepentant wayward out of the house. Give him the plan B letter and let him know what he has to do.

If he barks at, or whines about the extraordinary precautions you will set, then he remains out and you file for D. SET THAT BAR HIGH. You have to. You have a serial cheater on your hands. Those are tough to change, we have some here who have recovered, but the chance for a relapse into affairs for that type is quite high imho. He would have to be 1000% committed to UTTER TRANSPARENCY AND TOTAL EXTRAORDINARY PRECAUTIONS for his ENTIRE LIFE.

You say wh learned BOUNDARIES from MB yet you cite here SIX DIFFERENT INSTANCES OF INFIDELITY?

He learned NOTHING. And somehow you learned (not from here but from somewhere else or just from worry) you learned to turn away and ignore what he's doing or the SECOND time he did that he would not have done it a third time. There would be no fourth, fifth, or sixth time.

Do not be hard on yourself. Odds are you have had alot of pain, been hurt badly, and gaslighted by this cad.

Wishing you well. Please get tough. Your kids, and your health, and your kids and you need to be as smart as you can be right now. The kids depend on you.

Thank you Peachy! We did just find Marriage Builders 16 mos. ago. WH has been faithful since then. I am positive about that. I'm with you, I am not sure if he can continue to be faithful, though. It is a sad situation and I am scared.

What you're telling me is that you were never given an honest disclosure of WH's affairs and you did no real snooping to confirm you were safe. In addition, he did not sit for a polygraph. So, really, what you did was...what? Just tell him to never do it again? Did you discuss what you needed from each other? Read and implement SAA?

Only you can make the call, sunshine, but he sounds like an unrepentent adulterer. I would be inclined to kick him out in order to avoid the heartache that those adulterers chronically bring with them.

Would he be willing to sit for a polygraph?

MB, I have been snooping everyday since 5/5/10. I look through cell, computer, email, car, cell phone bill, I look through his pockets, I have been snooping so much it about drives me crazy! But, you are right. He has not done a polygraph. I have no idea if those instances were full blown A's or the beginning of something I caught before it could happen. The only one I think that was probably a PA was the sexting in 2009. Of course, besides the 2 known PA's. We have read SAA and HNHN and did the EN questionnaire, but I suppose all of that really doesn't matter. I feel really stupid.

MB, I guess sitting for a poly would be next on my list. I have seen a list of questions to ask, but if you were me, what would you ask?

Schoolbus has a great list. Take this list to a polygrapher prior to the test and he can help you set up the questions that will be the most effective for you. I believe you will only be able to ask three.

sunshine
My FWH was also involved with multiple OW. Lots of emailing and phone calls

I have had my FWH sit for 2 poly's. Our poly tech has been a great help to me in forming questions. I was allowed 4 questions. You can bring in as many as you like and the tech will put them all in the form of 4 questions. Our guy was really good like that, he even came up with questions I never thought of. Here is my list of the top of my head, for what it's worth.

1. Do you have any secret means of communication that your wife does not know about. ex. p.o. box, FB, email, phone, ect...

2. Have you completely disclosed all innappropriate contact w OW, and all encounters with OW's to your wife. this includes phone call, txting, sexting, oral sex, intercourse, phone sex, email contact, ect.. (Inappropriate means any conversation/contact with OW's that your wife would not approve of if she were standing next to you listening/watching)

3. Have you been completely honest with your wife about her questions regarding OW's

4. ...and a question about porn. I'm not sure how it was worded exactly.

Honestly it won't take many questions to get the info you need. Our poly tech had my FWH as white as a sheep before he even started the test. I would insist on a poly. It's the only way you will know for sure what went on. If he won't submit to one, well that's a BIG

good luck!