I was recently married this year (6 months ago)...When I met my now husband then dating I reunited with my ex-boyfriend and had a one night stand. My husband knew since someone saw us to together that same week and he later asked me if I had slept with him I admitted I had. He was very upset but he asked me to marry him 2 months later and since we have been married he has such resentment and anger towards me but its so hard because were married now. I dont know how to get through to him that I made a mistake. He also brings up during arguments that he's older than me and I'm going to leave him anyway and he will never trust me, its only when we argue though. Then he leaves no longer talking to me. One minute he wants to have kids and and the next he's upset? I love him so much, how can I fix this and let him know I won't leave him or ever step out of our marriage....

Dating is very much an interview for marriage, and you failed the interview. You compounded that mistake by marrying your H. That being said, you are married now, and if you believe that you can actually work through this, this is the best place for you.

TBH, if this were your H posting, i would probably tell him to cut and run, only because there are no children involved and even with a foundation that is solid, affairs are hard to get over.

Do you still see your Ex? What are you going to do to make your H feel safe?

I don't know how this will play out for you, but what you need to do is get a plan in place. read all you can on this site. Order the books. Listen to the radio show.

I know we can get through it. I know its hard but with time I am hoping this will change. I do not see my ex at all. I cut off all communication after the incident. I always try to let him know what Im doing and where Im going. Being honest and upfront about everything to he'll will know that he is my priority and I won't lie again. Its not worth it. I dont know what else to to and or say to him should we separate and see what happens? Any suggestions?

Separation is the best way to lead to a divorce.

Have you read ALL of the material on this site?

Is this the first marriage for both of you? How old are you both?

Yes, first marriage for both. He's 44 I'm 27.

why did you sleep with someone else when you were already in a committed relationship?

have you read the material here on EP's?

CV

We were dating and he asked me not to see anyone else. It was one time and I don't know why emotionally maybe? I have a hard time reasoning with myself on why I did it. I have read a lot of the material and it seems that the resentment should go away with time but how much time? Will he ever trust again? He says I'm not trust worthy which is true because I did it and lied and I can always do it again...

Given the right conditions we are all susceptible to affairs. What you need to do is set some extraordinary precautions in place, work on the emotional needs questionnaire with him and work to meet those. Your marriage is VERY young and vulnerable. There is a lot of hard work you need to do here to make it strong. He may be having buyers remorse.

Also, you need to establish clear boundaries with him about what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in your marriage.

Clear boundaries like EP's will state something like this:

1) I will never be alone with another man

2) I will never engage in personal conversation with another man

3) I will never talk to another man unless you are present

4) I will be radically honest and open with you about my thoughts, deeds and heart

5) My life will be completely transparent to you. I give you all my passwords and e-mail, FB and Myspace accounts and passwords. Please check them often.

6) I will tell you anytime contact is made by a man towards me. I will not reciprocate the contact to them.

7) I will give a financial accounting to you of every dime I make and you will have access to all my accounts

8) I will account for my time in "x" increments.

reiterate that your goal is to make him feel safe and secure. To rebuild love and trust and romance in your relationship.


Trust is earned after affairs.


CV

I'm gonna give you a different take on this. You made a mistake. You weren't married. He had full knowledge. He decided to ask you to marry him.

As far as I am concerned, he had a chance to fully ponder the decision, to decide and he did. If you have truly been open an forthright with him, then he has no right to continue to attack you over this.

If I were you, I would remind him of this, tell him you have had enough, to stop it, and if he can't accept it, hit the road.

I am of the opinion, even in marriage, that if the BS has time to consider his options and decides to stay married and the WS is making efforts to reconcile, then BS's get out of jail free card is expired and it is time to stop things like this.

This goes double in your case.

Tell him you won't continue like this and if he insists, then get out. He sounds emotionally immature and is a bully as well.

By the way, I am a divorced BS.