You are not pathetic but I don't know how you could do it emotionally and practically and

what's in it for her?

Practically (unless specifically referring to stretching out the divorce to after 10 years) is easy. Life would be the same as now except i would would find a place off base and have everything covered while working on career.

Emotionally is the tough part. Found myself asking her if she would give up a year for that why not a year of counseling (the good MB stuff ) even though there is no reason to expect anything from her.

For her, another year of drinking and sleeping around (though coming home and getting divorced would have same result). Another year without seeing the kids.
Really nothing gained except giving me, and the kids a better chance to get on my feet before the D.

She also suggested we all move to next base together then after taxes come back she give it to the kids and i to move but i think its a bad idea,puts her in a "power position" having the career, the home, the kids new school etc.
and even if 100 genuine an emotional nightmare for the kids.

What does a lawyer suggest? You get FREE JAG advice, so please set-up an appointment.

Then make a decision based on what is legal with the military.

I agree.

And whatever you decide, do NOT plan to make the kids move to WW's new base and then immediately move again. That's way too much moving for them.

You are not going to be divorced overnight so why don't you file? WW would still have to pay support.

JAG is crap. I've seen them on a few occasions. They haven't told me anything i couldn't find on Wikipedia.

Seriously when i talked with them about the divorce they explained the 3 paths, D, legal sep, dissolution, then a lot of "it depends"
Free consults with others gave me figures based on calculations and experiences.

Definitely not making the move with her. Told her from the git go, when i only knew a little i would only follow her as her husband, trying to fix things, not to let her have cake.
Plus Way Too emotionally hard on the kids.

Reason i'm considering this is because support with divorce is way less. And the timing is horrible.

12 more months of a steady check 2x the amount of the divorce support + about $1000 per month for housing. 9 months to build up my career while that come in.

JAG can only advise in matters of divorce, they cannot represent you in family court, although they can contact both your wife's commander and the OM's commander and advise on proceeding with either nonjudicial punishment or courts-martial under Article 134. Pretty hard actually to prove adultery has occurred unless you have photos in flagrante delicto or one of them was stupid enough to admit it in front of witnesses or in writing.

JAG can also help you if your wife fails in her responsibility to support her dependents. They can require her to set up an allotment to your bank account which she cannot cancel.

As far as where to live? You need to first get a legal separation agreement that spells out custody arrangements. This will determine visitation, etc, and will also determine where you can go geographically with your children that will enable wife to have the amount of visitation spelled out in the arrangement. Then you can decide where to live based on cost of living and where you can find a job that pays the most.

She is signing on to spend another year there (though it must be approved) and we will stay married.

Emotionally it stinks but financially it is best.

She said she needed help and is seeing a counselor. (Though i have no way to confirm it). She said she wanted my suport. Now all her friends and lovers are leaving she wants what i tried to give her from day on there .

It sucks because she gave me permission and passwords (in writing)to access her facebook and yahoo accounts. She tried to clean it up, but not good enough so everything i have now is legally admissible. I have proof of multiply affairs, drinking problems, and even some schmuck she was seeing saying "i'll send some of my boys from Detroit to take care of him, a joke" and her saying "then i would get the kids and the insurance money j/k".

I could severally affect the careers of at least 3 people who i feel have wronged me but one would be her. And if she gets booted the kids and i are going on welfare.

On top of that shes playing it off like its been over for years to mutual friends. Maybe it has since i found out about an affairs from 3 years ago, but no one told me.

So i'm going dark B. Even after everything she has done i still care for her. Ending my marriage, splitting the family with out making an effort (on her part) kills me. And i pathetically find hope in every little thing. Like when i told her i must cut ties for me she said she was "handling it", not "ok" not "that's great" but "i'll handle it"
Still now when the reality of divorce hits her she flips out.
Daughter told her we would be moving and the wife freaks. I told her we would be, but she said since it came from our daughter it seems more real

It really stinks because i KNOW no one cares about her like i do. I'm the only one who care enough to be honest. Her friends are idiots. When i told her the guy would only hurt her and go back to his her friends where telling her how romantic this guy was, and how nice it was she found him. Guess who was right.

So i guess it's time to focus on my kids, career, and getting my body weight back into triple digits

The wife's been seeing a councilor. Finally realized basing her self worth on how men make her feel is Not a good idea.

As she was talking to me she said she felt weird telling me this stuff, asked her why and she said she didn't want to give me the wrong idea, that she was getting help to win me back.

I told her she made it load and clear where she stands. And like a fried told me. If you spend too much time/ effort keeping the wrong one in your life have no room for the right one to come in.

She began to cry, talking about she never saw herself as the wrong one and that how now that she was thinking clearly it hurt. Especially because it was so calm and not me picking a fight

If she's done why cry about me moving on?

Six days ago you said you were going to Plan B. Are you going to Plan B?

Wife's extension didn't get approved. She will be home in 2 1/2 weeks. Then she will leave the state the following week.

I'm still waiting on a Power of attorney from her, so i can get a place to live.(she has the income and between full time school and raising 3 kids alone i don't have time to find a job. I graduate the day after she gets here, then take boards about a month latter, and get results about 4-6 weeks after that.

Been trying to get put on the list for public housing (which is actually nice in my county) but the wait list is a nightmare from what I'm told. My friend is a single mother and has been on it 2 years.

Basically i have 3 options.

A) when the POA gets here i get an apartment or cheap trailer: Where i am Now. She is complaining that she will not be able to afford 2 households but everyone says tough crap.

Pros
1 (Less)reliant on her
2 Good networking for my career
3 Classmates to help me study for state boards,
4 help with custody battle (if she changes her mind, her leaving state without them will not help her case.

Cons.
1 With only 2 weeks i'll have to take what i can get home wise.
2 Only 2 weeks to separate 8 years of life, pack and move, while studying for finals
3. Income will be stretched extremely thin.

B. Grab minimal stuff and move "home" to live with my aunt while i figure stuff out.

Pros.
1 Don't get locked into something that cant be afforded or place i don't know if i want to be.
2 Between cousins, my aunt, my dad, my brother i'll have some childcare/ emotional support.

Cons
1 I would have to leave state with kids (not sure if i can or if the wife would let me)
2 Aunts living standards are not close to my own.
3. Would really be a minimal move based on space, couldn't take much and would need to count on wifes good will to get stuff.
4. Would need to come back here to take state boards, would need to study on my own, and lose my career support network.

C. Go with the wife to next base then get divorced after tax return comes in.

Pros
1 More time to seperate stuff
2 More time to focus on finals
3 More time to find a place, and more money to do it with (if she keeps the bargain)

Cons.
1 Emotional hard on the kids. Right now they are used to mommy being a voice on the phone and a once a year visit. Since that's more or less what it will be now is the time to split if that's where its going.
2 would have to study for boards on my own.
3 if she changes her mind and decides to fight for custody the table would turn and i'd be the one trying to take them from their home.

Cliffs:

Home has family support, cheaper start, but few jobs
Here has career support, more expensive start but more jobs for my field
Going with the wife has financial support, but huge emotional/ custodial risks.

Have you figured out which appeals most to you?

A or B are more appealing

A is the most forward thinking and B is probably possible (ask a local attorney).

B. Has the most emotional support. With my Aunt, Dad, Brother, cousins and all their kids around, there is that sense of family, the kids can grow up with them, and i'll have help with childcare.

A. would be nice because i have the friends , but they are few in number.


Maybe its dumb but C still appeals to me because its the best financially. And because i have a huge problem giving up on my marriage without a fight. She's going to counseling and has been open with me but fears 2 things.
1 that i will hold this over her head
2 that she cant love me again?

It really bugs me because her gripes that "lead" to the affairs were things i have been working on the last year.Before i even knew of them. Since she hasn't been around she hasn't seen the changes. (Though she has mentioned she has seen more passion in me and has more respect for me ,because i will not roll over for her, in years)

Then, go with C and be prepared to change direction if you can not bear it once you are in it!