Thanks everyone. Feeling much brighter - took a long look in the mirror and didn't like what I saw....a twisted bitter lady......move on AEK1....move on!

Things are tough but I think they have been tougher. Light is shinning at the end of the long tunnel but I am getting closer to it. No point in wanting revenge....it won;t happen. Have to accept that there are many people that see good in OW and have chosen to forgive, forget and move on. Hear hear to that....

Until my next low.....

AEK1. Live your life with style and grace.

Life is too short to spend it on OW and on people that are so weak and stupid that they allow OW in their own lives. Pray for them - they will need help from above.

How is the new school going?

So hard not to look back....god I am trying. why do I want to be with somebody who was so evil, so cruel and such a liar for so long......I don't get it.

He lied every day.....how can you explain that?

Is he still that same man that was lying to you everyday?

Is he still lying?

Are you the same person that he was lying to?

No I am different......he has seen the light and has changed.......but I can't see why I'd want to be with him; he humiliated me, he lied. I'm done!

AEK1:

Sounds to me like you're not getting your needs met and UA time.

Remember everyone's words about WHs' actions while in affair: they'll lie, cheat, hurt to get their fix.

It's what they do AFTER that's what is important. Is there no contact? Is he abiding by EPs? Are you both meeting ENs?

Yes, he lied. So did mine. But he's not anymore. AND we're building a STRONGER marriage. One that is built totally on transparency, not pockets of secrets.

That's why you can reconcile: because you're not going to be married to a liar anymore, and you've got the tools to make sure that he doesn't become that again.

{{{{{{{{{{{AEK1}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Recovery sucks for us BSs sometimes, because we DO get triggered and we have to learn to erase those triggers to move forward. Even though it wasn't our fault at all, and our natural instinct is to lash out at those who harmed us.

Have you considered any individual counseling to help you change your thought patterns? I LOVED IC, and we really worked hard so that I could regain my self-confidence and power.

Your marriage is worth it. Your CHANGED husband is worth it, right?

What about your kids? What do they want ... a broken family?

When they are older and can think for themselves, do you want to look them in the eyes and explain that Dad did change but you just couldn't get past it? So you broke up their family.

It's your choice AEK1 and you certainly are justified in walking. Just make sure that you think it through.

You flip-flop everyday. What happened overnight? Something must have happened. What was it?

Saw an old email from the whistle blower....her cleaner! Reminded me of all the deceit....wound me up. Also a friend mentioned that people were round OW at school like flies round +hit and it makes me mad that people still think she is the bees knees........mad mad mad.

Just so angry he didn't take all the hints....I challenged him and so did others - why didn't he wake up....he risked everything...for a 18 stone cow.

She still has her kids at the school, her old mates, her flash car etc...........she has not suffered and continues to lie about me......

I have tried my best but I cannot do it.....I will cherish our times together and always wish that we could've stayed friends.

The final nails in the coffin were hearing from my gorgeous daughter that ***EDIT*** told my children that she wished she was married to ***EDIT*** and that I was boring. She commented regularly to both of them that they would have more fun if she was their mummy.

I have also heard (from the horses mouth) that somebody begged her to stop seeing ***EDIT*** �after I had been at ***EDIT*** crying my heart out as I thought something was wrong.... Having comforted me and once i had gone she commented to that person 'I don't give a damn about her'.

There are so many stories.... A book full.

I'm out. Sorry but I have been hurt beyond belief, heard so many lies and no longer want to be associated with her in any way.

Take care always.

X

Hang on a sec, AEK. What you're going through is not unusual for your stage of healing, especially considering that you have been walking through Trigger Alley for over a week, now, while contemplating meeting the friend of yours who is friends with OW.

You were warned that staying in contact with affair reminders (such as your friend, staying at the same school) would be counterproductive to your healing. Do you see now what we meant?

I also think you are angry with FWH because, as a result of his actions, you've had to end a friendship that meant a lot to you.

AND you're angry that your friend appears to have rejected you in favor of OW.

Mainly? You've stayed mired in the same area as OW. NC has never happened. I know you've always thought it unfair that OW doesn't appear to by paying for her actions and that makes you more resentful. And sticking around so you can hear how accepting others are of her will make you only more so.

How's your UA time been this week, AEK?

AEK1. OK I am confused. What are you out from - the circle of friends or the marriage? Or both?

I'm sorry - I'm not sure what you are saying here.

Hmmm, I see what you're saying pokerface. I thought she was referring to her marriage. I went back and read slower - looks like she's referring to her friend.

maritalbliss. your post is very relevant in either case. The resentment from being constantly reminded of the double betrayel will eat AEK1 alive and destroy ALL of her relationships... and her health.

Get out of trigger alley AEK1. Stop the insanity. You don't have a chance of ever being happy there.

There is another option to all this. Cut off all contact to the outside world. sequester yourself inside the house with your family and wait for everyone else to leave. Doesn't seem practical, but if you want to recover and can't sever these old ties...

Why are you giving so much power to the ow and her friends that you have to know at this point were NOT friends to your marriage? You know that now, why give them the power to destroy your marriage?

Are you following the MB program and meeting your FWS EN's? I found that when I met my H's EN's, he met mine. What about UA time?

I haven't read about your FWH lately. You are focusing on people that are not healthy for your recovery.

Yes, your H hurt you. Why would you even want to remain friends with ANYONE who would want to be friends or associate with ow? You need to make a new life and create a BETTER marriage by following the MB program.

Anger is normal, but you need to stay focused.

Do you want to be right or be married? You can justify your actions, but it doesn't mean they are right or healthy for your M. You want recovery, yes? You cannot change what has happened. It is what it is.

I suggest you remove yourself from all people and reminders of the A and ow. They are NOT your friends. And they never were if they are choosing ow over your Marriage.

I believe everyone here will agree that you find out who your true friends are when this happens.

Focus on the MB program. It works.

Thank you everyone. As you can tell I was having a bad day. I heard how she told somebody who begged her to stop that she didn't give a damn about me. It hurt.

Yes you are right in every way. I am angry she has not suffered, I am angry people can't see the real her and I am very angry with FWH for everything.... Our live has been turned upside down.

You are also right that if I carry on as I am I will drive everyone away.

We are not getting enough time alone so I have suggested a date night once a week. The kids are getting older and go to bed at a similar time to us.... So it's hard to get the time.

There is still a lot if work to be done.

X

Ow sent her son to the local Sunday rugby club last week. Not ideal as it was yet another trigger. My son has been at this club for a while and her son has only just joined. The nanny was sent thankfully. Still I am not happy about it.

Also ow's son sent my son a birthday card. Another trigger. Feels like she is trying to stay in my husbands life.... Should I send it back to owh saying I'd prefer no contact. Firm but polite note.

Thank you for the feedback.

No have an atty sent it, with that all further contact will be considered harrasment and will be reported as such. Or what ever they say with that regard. Let nothing come from you, and especially not so polite 'I'd prefer no contact'. There is no preference, it is simply not an option. And I guess a certified letter from an atty will finally make things clear, if not, proceed with a restraining order etc.

This is about YOUR sanity. I don't give a darn about OW or her kids.