How to handle finding and calendar with a few dates marked of the end if the affair... Do I mention to her and ask why she would mark it or just let it go??

Absolutely. 100% openness and honesty. Make sure you don't have and DJ's or LB's when asking..

Did she have the Affair or was it you?

She had the affair for almost 2 years with coworker who has a history of that.
Limited interaction because of schedule and travel which help drag it out. She is the one that came clean and told details of all of it.

Just seemed strange to find the final time marked...
I just ran into it in her stuff by accident. So sort of scared to bring it up.

What is DJ and other abbreviations ?

Lb is love buster, DJ?

DJ--Disrespectful Judgments

Here is the link to the abbreviations....just in case...
Link to MB Abbreviations

There is no knowing until you ask. What kind of plan are you guys following for recovery?

CV

Do they still work together? When did the affair end?

Yes still work together, a Doctor at her hospital , one of the owners.
That's not good , but right now $$ there is no where for her to go.

I plan on talking to him in a few days. He has know us for a long time.
I am very angry and disgusted by him.

Only my children and wife are keeping me from destroying him at this point:((

The lies and effort it took to do this is sickening , he is such a predator with a long history.

We've been to Hideaway marriage intensive which was great and still in counseling every week.

I'm just struggling with all the lines crossed.
He would have us over to his house, play golf with me, just a very sick person!

Ended on Aug 1st

How do you know this? Please don't tell me it's because they promised they would end it. Waywards are liars, TS.

Their working together will more than likely end your marriage. Is that not as important as $$$ ?

TS, what have you and your WW (wayward wife) done to recover from this? Have you read any of the articles on this site?

If not, please start here: Surviving Infidelity

ETA: I know you came here with a specific question regarding a calendar. Would you also like help in recovering your marriage? You are currently in a dangerous place, my friend. The fact that your WW has remained in the workplace with OM is like waving a lighter at gasoline.

I'm also reading that you have not spoken to OM, even though WW tells you the affair has been over for weeks. Why have you been silent?

I find it puzzling that you are here, asking an obscure question about a calendar, when WW and OM are together every day. Do you really feel that a calendar you've stumbled over is more important than the fact that your WW and OM remain in contact?

TS,

Ok has the OMW, other mans wife been informed, you also need to collect info. on previous affairs so you can blast him to bit.

His children need to be told as well as his business partners.

God Bless
Gamma

Well, the affair is not ended if they still work together. As long as they work together, the affair is still active. Recovery is impossible until she leaves that job. You will probably end up divorced if she doesn't leave that job. The longer the affair goes on, the more entrenched and the harder to bust up.


Better yet, have you exposed the affair? Have you exposed to the other owners? To Human Resources? To his wife? What about your family members? Everyone should know about the affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy so exposure is ruinous.


All the more reason to expose him.

Is the doctor married and if so, does his wife know?

Any responsible therapist with experience saving marriages from infidelity would tell you that recovery is impossible as long as they are still in contact. Adultery has all the same dynamics as alcoholism and unless an alcoholic stops drinking, recovery is impossible. The FIRST STEP in recovering a marriage from an affair is to end contact.

Please listen to Dr Harley, clinical psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders, on these radio clips speaking to a man whose wife still works with her OM: Dr Harley tells him "there is no hope of recovery until you get her out of there." click here

Another radio clip of a man whose wife was leaving him because he ENABLED the affair by keeping it a secret: "It's very difficult to overcome an affair when you become an enabler" click here

here

There is a very narrow path to recovery after an affair. Most marriages do not recover. Many end up divorced, and the ones that stay together end up a crippled version of the pre-affair marriage. It sounds like that is where you are at now since contact has not ended.

The FIRST STEP to recovery is to end contact for life.

here

The hideaway also recognizes this (at least to a degree). On their page, they state:

Q. Are there any cases when you would NOT recommend the Intensive Program?

A. Yes; there are specific two cases when the Intensive Program would not be appropriate:1. If there is currently a substance addiction, the individual would need to go through a rehabilitation program before to going through our program, in order for the intensive to be truly effective.2. If there is currently an extra-marital affair, the program simply will not be as effective. The program effectiveness depends on two individuals who are focusing on the marriage. The affair must be cut off and both partners must be focused and committed to the present relationship. Even if you are uncertain about the future, there needs to be at least a temporary commitment to focusing on this opportunity openly.


I wasn't aware that there was still contact, no exposure and possibly still an A going on.

CV

TS, you may feel you are protecting your wife and children by not exposing this man. You really need to look at it like this: in order to protect your wife and children, you need to protect your marriage first and foremost. In order to do that, your wife must have zero contact with him....ever!

Marriage weekends can be good and counseling - well, it depends on the counseling. What you need is a recovery program, however, more than counseling: sure steps to making your marriage a secure and fulfilling place to be. Believe me - I've been there, done that: marriage weekend, counseling, etc... it's the detailed plan that is keeping my husband and I on track after his affair last year. Part of that plan was exposing his affair and extraordinary precautions to make sure he was not in contact with OW ever again!

But it doesn't seem like this is even being addressed since they are still working together. This couple is attending therapy while an affair is active. Saying the affair is over but they still work together is about as effective as an alcoholic changing the name of his drinks to "business drinks" and pretending to be sober. He is still just as drunk whether the drinks are called drinks or "business drinks."

If they were counseling with the Harleys the fact that the affair is still ON would be the ONLY TOPIC since one can NEVER go to Step TWO until STEP ONE is completed. His wife is the equivalent of a falling down drunk until that happens.

Ended on Aug 1st