There has been no contact in 5 weeks, he is not there everyday, I understand what y'all are saying, thisis against the odds.
We are not ruling leaving out. We have been away for last month.

That's why I'm just now talking to him this week.
It's small town if I expose him it will be over for us in this town..
That may still happen.... This is all so bad!

Why???

TS,

I'm sorry. If you don't expose, it will be over for your marriage. Especially if she doesn't leave that job.

It's over. This is not against the odds; the game is over. You lost. You forfeited. Sorry. You have no hope unless and until your wife leaves her job and ends all contact for LIFE.

And I am sure her loverboy appreciates your enabling of his filthy secret with your wife, but that does nothing for your own marriage. Its too bad you care more about protecting that slimeball than you care about your own marriage.

Is her boyfriend married? Are you helping him trick his wife in addition to enabling him to carry on his affair with your wife?

What in the world FOR? What will that achieve when you are willingly allowing this affair to continue?

Sir, if you want to make it, you are going to man up here and start fighting for your marriage. You should be more afraid of getting divorced than exposing the OM. Why in the world would you even consider protecting the OM after what he did to you?

Your complacence reflects a lack of caring. Will you not fight for your marriage? It will take some effort on your part to save your marriage.

Really? Very opinionated people who are not aware of the situation .
U do not know me or what I have crossed in life as far as destroying a human being. I'v been there. I am fighting everyday for my marriage as is my wife.

Posting here for advice and support has been a mistake!
Try and think a bit about the bible and what it says about judging people.

Really , y'all are something.

Yes, people here can be very uhm, direct.
Which does not mean though, they don't want to understand you. Most of them have been through this themselves.

I can see that you don't want to change your life for something that someone else did.

The question remains, what would you wish to have done, ten years from now?
Do you really want to be living in a town, where OM is the good guy and you cringe every time you see him?

Maybe there is another possibility, where you relocate and have a new beginning. I know, that's easier said than done. But for your health's sake, just play everything over in your mind. It's a small town, you will always be running into him. There are other locations in the world where you can be happy. It's up to you, what to do.

God bless,

Happyheart

The misatke is on your part. This affair must be exposed and there must be NC for life.

You are placing importantance on things such as money over your marriage. Well your actions will only end you having your marriage and your WW's income to spend.

You want to fry an egg but refuse to crack the shell.

Small town?

That just makes exposing the much easier. Then you move far away to keep you and your WW from bumping into the OM thus having %100 NC for life.

If you want to bring the bible into your EXPOSURE issue, then I strongly encourage you to read Hosea. It states it clear and simple that adultery will be brought into the sight of her lovers.

Hosea 2:10 - Now I will uncover her lewdness in the sight of her lovers, and no one shall rescue her out of my hand.

EXPOSE this to the light of day!

TS,

Yes, really. We are very opinionated. Do you know why? Because we have been there. I suffered 2 workplace affairs from my wife. We are recovering well. Mel has been recovered a VERY long time and has a fantastic track record.

We know lots of things about these types of situations. There are pastors here, military folks, housewives, lawyers, fast-food workers, teachers...

Sadly, while the details of each situation is different, there is not one unique thing about what it takes to recover a marriage, what a betrayed spouse feels and goes through, what a wayward wife struggles with. They are all the same.

Let me share a bit about myself. I am a war vet, USMC... I have three nearly adult children, married over 20 years. I have shot at people and been shot at in a war environment. I have also suffered 2 affairs at the hand of the one person I love most in this world, and know what it takes to recover...Really recover. I also am in ministry. I know a little bit about judging. I have to do it every day.


Mat 7:1-5 "Judge not, that you be not judged. (2) For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. (3) Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? (4) Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? (5) You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

What Jesus is talking about is judging without having judged yourself first. The passage doesn't say that we cannot make judgments, but that we MUST judge our own hearts and minds first. We have been where you are. We know what it takes to get where we are. We have seen hundreds here come and fail for not following the advice and direction of MB.

We have received this same measure of judgment that you are feeling. BUT... It's not because we don't want you to succeed that we are being firm with you. Quite the opposite. We know how to make it work! The question is this... Do you want to make it work? The Bible also says this:

Jesus is the light of truth, and that light brings judgment:

Joh 3:19-21 And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. (20) For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. (21) But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God."

It is evil to allow evil deeds to remain hidden in the darkness. The light came to expose evil deeds so that they can be rightly judged. Jesus is calling us to exposure. We have nothing to fear from exposing wicked deeds to the light of truth. It is in the light that we can properly judge them. It's like trying to appraise the amount of damage done to a car in the dark. You might get a little bit of it, but you cannot tell the full amount of damage done until you put it in the light and examine it there.

This is MB exposure... It pulls those deeds out into the light for examination. It lets all see it and judge the deeds. It says this sin will not be hidden away. tucked ibnto a dark corner until it rears its ugly head again. It exposes it to the light and the heat of examination so that it will *truly* wither.

We are here to help you, not hurt you.

CV

Yeah, that's it! Things were going so well before TS came here!

Texans.......

Thats the spirit!! Now, if you could put that same passion towards saving your marriage rather than destroying it, you might save your marriage!

TS,

I know it all probably sounds harsh. It may sound like people are just being bossy and don't care. I can't make you believe it - but it simply isn't true.

Last year about this time I discovered my H's affair and it was awful! There are people who gave me very similar advice and boy am I glad I listened! (You can read my full story in the "In Recovery" section.

Trust me, you don't want to go through a false recovery.

Exposure doesn't have to mean putting up a billboard in your town. It means telling key people to keep the darn wolf at bay and to protect your marriage from further assault. This man needs some consequences! Do you not think he won't continue to pursue if not? If not YOUR wife - then someone else's? And who's to say your wife won't become a bigger challenge to him for breaking it off?

Your wife still working at that man's hospital...well...it is simply asking for trouble. We aren't talking about a 2 month affair here but 2 YEARS! That should provide a huge incentive to you both to get out of that environment.

What you are hearing, while you may feel it is being judgmental, is just people trying to make you understand how important this is to your chances of success.

It's good that you and your wife were able to get away for awhile. That should have helped the two of you reconnect.

Think on this:

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. Ephesians 5:11

Why? Did you not really want advice and support? What kind of advice and support were you looking for? "There, there, Texasshark, it'll be ok."

Why would you want us to mislead you this way? No, it won't be okay! We've been there and we know that!

I suspect you are upset because hearing what needs to be done in order to kill this affair is distasteful to you (and believe me, it's not dead, friend.) That's okay - a lot of posters rebel against that when they first get here. I've lost track of how many eventually got on board and saved their marriage, though. And sadly, other posters didn't get on board. And they didn't save their marriage. Maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones, huh?

I don't know of any affair where the APs continued to work together and were able to stop their affair. My H was glad he was exposed and OW left the job. He said he couldn't stop, even though he tried. It was an addiction, TS.

Or did you just want us to tell you what to do with your WW's calendar keepsake?

I'm sure his situation is "different and unique" just like the 100's of other "different and unique" ones you see every day on here Marital. You cant help them all but thouse you do help (ME for one) really appriciate you guys.