I wish I had put it all together two years ago. But I was going through my own problems in my second marrige and I did not see it.

DD who is now a WWXW and just married AP.

When my daughter separated from her husband of four years taking my two year old grandson with her I did not see the cause right away.

The "Affairage" was last week. Both my sons chose not to attend. I was not invited.


DD has kept my grandson from me for two years because she knew without me saying anything that I would not be supportive of her D. She knows deep down what she did and has done is wrong.

We unconditionally love our children. But, I believe in marriage. My sons have filled in enough blanks to make it clear that the new "husband" is the AP.

Meanwhile, she will not allow me to visit my grandson.

DD's XH is a wonderful young man who has gone on with his life the best he can.

I so remember his halting display of courage before he stood in front of me and asked for my daughter's hand. Tragic. His only real fault.... He earned average income and accepted a job that allowed him to be a Mr. Mom while his ww (now XW) went globe trotting earning the salary of a professional baseball player....

The nightmare is that she has followed the script of her mother in my first marriage.

I gues I just need to write about it. Don't know that anyone can can say anything that will change anything.

Just another example of how an affair (her mother's) impacted not only her mother's life and my life 22 years ago... It impacted the next generation.

Blessings,
Me BS 56
She WW 50
Hers 18, 22
Mine 22, 28, 30
Ours DS 12
D-Day 1 - April 26 2009
D-Dapy 2 - October 15 2009
Exposed February 22, 2010
Me: Reforming Verbal Abuser (and I always will be).
She: still won't divulge OM # 2 despite overwhelming evidence, but slowly, ever so slowly, she is turning towards me. Some days I have hope and that is worth all the pain and patience.

You can always have the BH in your home. Even if your DD won't come over, maybe the BH will understand that you were in his corner and he's welcome anytime.

He might even come with the grandkids.

I'm not suggesting you see him to see the grandkids. I'm suggesting you do it because letting him know that what she did was wrong is the right thing to do.

When the day comes, I plan to make it clear to my daughter that unless your H is beating you or cheating on you, he's your husband and my son-in-law for life. That will be true even if she grows tired of him and wants another spouse.

Further, any affair partner will NOT be welcome in my home. She will always be welcome, her well behaved husband will always be welcome. A betrayed husband or ex-husband will be welcome. About the only one who will not be welcome is any man who is involved in an affair.

HT, I feel for you, I sure do. How shameful. I would write her off until she gets her crap together. Maybe write her a letter telling her how disgusted and disappointed you are with her destructive lifestyle. Tell her you love her and will be here with open arms when she is ready to lose that loser.

And then befriend her XH. Perhaps he can bring your grandson to visit?

I would also never allow that loser OM to darken my doorstep and I would tell them both that.

ML, you took the words right outta my mouth.

Don't be afraid to reach out to your ex SIL and invite him over. Be up front and let him know that you'd like to see your grandkid and would welcome them over.

I'd do it if my exes were good to me.

This is what happened with my sister, the family did not see her and her affair partner but we all stayed in contact with my XBIL and he also brought the 3 children to Xmas, Thansgiving, It was very nice of him and it all worked out for all of us.......We as a family appreciated him adjusting his whole life for the children.......he was a saint...........My sister chose to have no contact and we all accepted that........big price to pay...........I feel for you I know all the struggles we all felt being torn between all the emotions we all felt............
But everyone is happy now and moved on............
Time heals all.....
jessi

Enlightened, ML, Scotland, helptldads, jt:

I have kept in touch with XSIL just a little. You are all right. It is time to invite him or ask if I can visit him. I do not want to intrude on him or add to his grief but he will understand when I explain the witholding of my grandson.

I have written (last evening) a letter to my DD expressing my love but confirming that she has shamed herself in my eyes. I have made it clear that what is done is done and that the past cannot be changed. I have also made it clear that I taught her better than that. When her mother and I divorced when she and her brothers visited my apartment the first thing I always did when I brought them in the door was dial the phone to their grandparents (my parents). After the divorce I also drove hundreds of miles out of my way on vacations to drop them off at the door step of my XW to visit (without being asked to do so). I just did not ever want the D to impact my children's relationship with their grandparents who were simply victims.
I made it clear to my daughter that she is always welcome but that her new husband can expect nothing but exclusion from my life. The choices are now hers to make. Likely, the witholding of my grandson will continue.
Thank you all of you who responded for telling me to stick to the high road and set the example.
I feel better having shared this and then for having taken action on it.
Today I plan to contact my XSonInLaw and to see what I can do to gently, and non intrusively visit my grandson through him.
I also plan to write a letter to my XsonInLaw's parents expressing my sadness, and embarrassment and disappointment at the emotional abuse my DD has visited on their son. I will make it clear to them the high esteem I hold for their son, and that to me he will always be part of my family.
Thank you all for giving me the support I needed to take action.

Blessings,
Me BS 56
She WW 50
Hers 18, 22
Mine 22, 28, 30
Ours DS 12
D-Day 1 - April 26 2009
D-Dapy 2 - October 15 2009
Exposed February 22, 2010
Me: Reforming Verbal Abuser (and I always will be).
She: still won't divulge OM # 2 despite overwhelming evidence, but slowly, ever so slowly, she is turning towards me. Some days I have hope and that is worth all the pain and patience.

HT,

It must be terribly disappointing knowing your daughter was responsible for the destruction of her family.

And withholding your grandchild from you is a pretty rotten thing to do too, not just for you, but for the grandchild.

Pretty sad, really.