I met up with him via email. I contacted him. which then lead to phone calls, then meeting, then I love you then sex then lets get married etc.

Gotcha. What I'm trying to determine is the best way for you to be sure that all contact avenues are closed. You don't want to start recovering and then get an email from him.

Close the email account he knows about and open a new one.

Do you have Facebook? I would suggest you get rid of that as well. FB has been known to search in-common emails from your address book and suggest Friends. If they suggest him you will trigger.

don't have FB, neither does he. Closed email acct. My H is monitering cell phone records and recording calls. Gave up affair cell phone. Shredded all letters. Got rid of everything. Don't cross paths because he lives in next town over. Now if I can just get rid of the memories in my head...

You're off to a nice start, psmf!

How's your H's email draft going?

Here is the draft from my husband.

I stated in my first e-mail to you that I want to re-build my marriage. I have been counseled that this is only possible if and when all parties have the full truth. Therefore it is necessary I write to you once more to ensure you have the whole truth.

You should have the whole story of what happened on 9 September when I learned your husband and my wife were still seeing each other. I found my wife�s van outside your home at approximately 9AM that morning. Your son came to the door when I knocked and later he saw my wife and your husband together in the back yard.

I know they first met in October. I know they spent the night together in a hotel in XXXXX on 2 December. Beginning January, they began meeting more frequently, especially after XXXXX lost his job at XXXXX High School. They met on my property, your property, my van, your truck, hotel rooms, etc. They were meeting approximately 3 times a week by the end. They had discussed and made plans to leave their families and begin a life together on their own.

PSMF,

You have done OMW a great service, many of us here wished some witness had done for us what you are doing for OMW.

You are doing an even greater service for the children of OM, especially the one who has to carry this horrible secret and betray his own Mother. In my experience it is a terrible burden on a young person which will not fade with time.

God Bless
Gamma

One suggestion, in red at the bottom. Others may have extra to add.

Gamma,
Thank you for your gracious words. I know I don't deserve gracious words, and that makes them all the nicer. I feel for the first time in a long time that my H and I are doing something TOGETHER that will strengthen us. I hope our words to OMW can free her of some pain, help her walk in truth and most importantly her poor son who has suffered these weeks needlessly. I am truly sorry to him.

OMW is in great pain right now, and the chance is good that she will not be gracious to receive this email. She may email your BH back in a rage, calling you every name in the book. I would suggest to your BH that he not respond to anything she sends him unless she is asking a direct question for clarification of events in the affair. The goal of his email is not to defend anyone or devolve into an argument over whose spouse is more to blame, etc. It is only to give her the truth.

MBliss,
Gotcha. Will do. We don't expect to hear anything from OMW but will just let the insults ride if we do.

Maybe send it from a new throw away email address indicating that for 7, 10 or 14 days you will monitor this email address and answer any questions she may have. After 14 days we will consider this matter closed and wish to have no further contact with her and her her husband as we all attempt to rebuild our lives.

She may have questions...especially after she confronts her WH and he starts lying....it's nice to leave the door open but to specify a time table after which you can shut the door on all communications no matter how legit. She had her chance.

Mr. W

Okay everybody. My husband sent the email at 2:50 EST. DONE. Funny how full exposure works----it wasn't until my H exposed to OMW that our healing finally began. The OM decided he didn't really want me after all. And I began to see the TRUTH. And I began to feel proud of my H for the man he is compared to the OM who I thought was so wonderful. And I saw what a horrible thing I did to such a wonderful man. Thank God I am married to a saint !! Here is some excellent advice : DON'T HAVE AN AFFAIR, PEOPLE. It never ends well. Wish I could turn back the clock.

I don't need a crystal ball to know what the OM is doing right now, either: he is on his knees, begging his wife not to throw him out on his lying...ear.

I know. Because my H used to be one of those sniveling, cowardly, lying OM. And that's what he did with me after D-Day.

Yes, I am sure you are right. He is probably crying and begging. Unfortunately for him, his wife is not as kind and forgiving as my husband. Wouldn't surprise me if she cut his "you know what" off with a butcher knife. Hope he has on a cup. Well, we shall see if OMW shows up at my house for retaliation like she said she would do. Don't worry--I won't open the door. She can yell all she wants--I deserve it and maybe she'll feel better. Time to move on for us. Hope she can too.

This is very good, but I would add that he did not use a condom. Additionally, your H needs to give her his phone # so she can call with any follow up questions. I would also somehow make sure she gets this message because it is not uncommon for WS's to intercept emails like this.

oops, too late! I see here the email was already sent. PSM, please tell your husband to make sure the email is not intercepted.


He never did want you other than for a some fun in the sack. Sorry. Married men don't leave their wives for affairs. It is very rare. And if he cared about you at all he would have never had an affair with you. Having an affair with a married woman is about as degrading and disrespectful as it gets. What he did was the equivalence of spitting in your face.

I know the OMW got the email because the OM called my H today after work. OM calmly asked us to quit emailing his wife at work because this was making her an emotional basket case and she had a job to do. My H, MY HERO, responded soooo kindly and graciously that it is beyond belief. I had a panic attack and nearly threw up. Serves me right.

ML,
You are right. I do feel like someone spit in my face. That is a great, great analogy. I wonder if he feels like that too ??? You know, I thought he loved me, would leave his wife for me, would marry me...all those things he promised during the affair. HA ! As my sister has always told me, "You are the stupidest smart girl there ever was...". If I feel this rotten and awful, I wonder how my poor husband feels. This must be just a small taste of what he is feeling. Ouch. Okay. No where to go but up and THANK GOD I have the husband I do.

No that could mean OM got the email first and is trying to pass it off so you souls not try again. It has been done. They only way u will know for sue is if you hear from OMW herself.

This statement shows zero empathy for an innocent person whose face YOU have spit on. I am starting to question your remorse.