I am new to this site and have no idea what all the abbreviations mean yet so bear with me.

I have a problem I am not sure how to resolve. I�m sorry about the length of this post but I want to give you as much info as possible. Here�s the background:

My husband and I have been married for nearly 20 years. He is a drug addict and has been through our entire marriage. About 18 months ago our marriage had hit an all time low. We were always at each other�s throats. I resented him because of his drug use � the financial strain it put on his, his health issues because of it and the lack of physical and emotional intimacy. He knew I was unhappy but he didn�t really seem to care. So I began looking online for someone I could talk to � a new best friend if you will. Over the course of three months I chatted with 3 different men, all younger than me, who really boosted my ego. The chatting was not limited to email but branched out into texting and pictures were exchanged between me and one of the men. After some time I realized that this wasn�t something I wanted to continue doing (there just isn�t a replacement for my best friend, my husband) and I ceased all communication with these men. Well my husband found out about it and all hell broke loose. He accused me of cheating on him and I admitted that although there were a couple of remarks about sex, I did not have sex on my mind when I chatted with these men. He doesn�t believe me. He thinks that because pictures were exchanged that it meant that we were attracted to each other and that we wanted to have sex. He feels that because one of the men is significantly younger than me that sex is the only reason I would have to be friends with this guy. I can�t seem to make him understand that I needed emotional attention and these men gave me that.

It has been nearly a year since he found out about me chatting with other men. We went to a marriage encounter weekend at the beginning of 2011 and came out of it so in love but it lasted only a few months. One day he forgives me and the next day he�s calling me a liar and a slut. I don�t have a history of infidelity � this is the only time I�ve done something like this. I love my husband and I want our marriage to work but I don�t know how to help him see that I am not lying to him.

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Is your BH still using drugs? What types of addiction programs has he tried in the past?

For the record, you had an affair. If it wasn't ever physical, then it was an emotional affair. As you can see, EA's are just as harmful to a marriage as a PA(Physical Affair).

Yes he still uses drugs. He's only been in rehab twice in all the time we've been married despite my pleas for him to get help.

And yes, I know I had an EA. I owned up to it. Never denied it. Ended it without hesitation and much regret for having gone that route.

The dope problem has to be resolved before you can even attempt to fix the marriage. I would fix that FIRST by making him sober up. THEN, you can fix your marriage. But you are wasting your time working on your marriage with a man who has a first love that comes before you. He is emotionally invested ELSEWHERE and can't invest in your marriage. You will always be second as long as he is doping it up.

Thanks ML... I'm not sure I even know where to begin.

Well in our area, drugs is kind of a vague term... People use it to refer to street drugs, perscription drugs, and alcohol.

A good place to start is NA or AA. where someone will hold him accountable.

Is he currently using or is he clean right now?

What is his addiction and how does he get it?

Some good ways to motivate an addict to stop would be jail or kicking them out the house. Usually even a ultimatum to do either can very effective. With others, it takes actually having them thrown in jail. I know many recovering addicts/alcoholics who found jail very beneficial to their sobriety.