My wife and I are doing about as well as I had expected, but there is one piece of bad news. My wife had lunch with one of the girls from her former workplace, and this girl gave my wife a message from the OM. My wife immediately called me and told me about it, and had the girl repeat the messaage to me verbatim. Om said that he was sorry and wished my wife well and promised to never contact her. I called bullsh*t, he is just trying to keep his "foot in the door", my wife agrees and asked me what to say in return. I asked her what she wanted to say to him and she said that she would not even acknowledge that she got the message, but it was a verbal one and I suppose the girl can say that she gave it. My wife told her that she is never to pass any messages on, or they will no longer be friends. I think my wife handled it quite well. What do you guys think?

I think that this might end up being a trigger for her is she keeps in contact with folks in her former workplace.

She handled it well. She looks as if she is maintaining her boundaries.

CV

That ex coworker is not a friend of the marriage. NC the friend.

ITA with TheRoad. The friend(s) has to go. Your WW will have weaker moments and will ask about OM and this friend will tell her. Seriously, what kind of "friend" is she anyways? Seems like she is more interested in being in the middle of drama and gossip. Part of JC.

That ex coworker is not a friend of the marriage. NC the friend.

You are MUCH too nice!

First, expose the ex-coworker to the world (and hopefully to her husband?) that she actively promotes and foments infidelity among her acquaintances.

Then, NC!

My wife was extremely upset when I went to pick her up from work. She was worried that I would think she was trying to get back in touch with the om, which she empatically said was NOT the case. She swore that since she outed the affair to her boss she has never tried to contact him in any way. And furthermore has not asked any of her former co-workers about him. She offered to take another poly , if I didn't believe her, but I already know that she is telling the truth. I have my own sources at her former workplace, and I called the om this afternoon. He wasn't too happy to hear my voice and said that he meant nothing by it, just to say goodbye. I reminded him of what had happened before, and he begged me not to come to Little Rock, and I told him that if I even hear of him even asking about her, I will REALLY do him some damage. My wife told me that she would hold my coat, while I finished the job. LOL

**THAT's** a good wife! Good job reinforcing no contact too.

BTW, we both agreed that the "friend", was not welcome anymore, and my wife called her and told her. The "friend " apologized and said that she would never relay messages again, but my wife said that she didn't want to take the chance, of anything damaging our recovery, so for the time being she will not have any contact with her former co-workers. My wife is working really hard (above and beyond) to repair my trust in her, and I told her tonight how much I appreciate it.

Just amazing mm, I think your wife's repentance should be the standard against which all should be measured against.

There are people on here who say 'Oh but he/she IS sorry - they just dont want to do NC/EPs/whateverineedtofeelsafe.

People who are really sorrry are up for doing whatever it takes.

Love the coat remark! Give her a big hug...

Great work Mrs MM.

Can you epose this contact to anyone on OM's side as well? Ask them to use their influence to encourage him to stop trying to contact your wife?

Scot, my wife suggested this very idea, right after her lunch with her co-worker. With my permission, she called her former supervisor and said that the Om was using company equipment to try contact her co-worker so that she would pass along his message to my wife. The supervisor and HR manager said that if true, he could be fired.

New update from the MM home. We are doing better than I ever hoped. My wife is doing everything I could ask of her, and much more. I'm not nearly as angry as before. We still have bad moments, when a "trigger", occurs, but they are fewer. My oldest daughter has forgiven her mom, for the most part, but the younger still is having problems. I think that a lot of it is her age, and the fact that she and her mom aren't as close as she is to me. She is definitely a Daddy's girl.

Sometimes a tough dynamic exists between mothers and daughters, even in the best of circumstances. My daughter really seemed to despise me for a couple of years, for no observably good reason. She didn't really "come back" to me until after she married. Then miraculously I became "smarter."

Please advise your wife to keep that in mind. It's not always going to be what your wife did; it sometimes is just that mother/daughter thing that isn't always so great for a while.

This is very true. We've struggled with that dynamic as well as the "Me and dad are together in this", which inadvertently forces sides.

I really have to guard against the "Daddy and me", thing, and my wife knows it, so we do our best to present a united front to her, which she sometimes doesn't understand.

It takes a while. It works though. consistency is the key.

CV