Why should you apologize in these two places? You are defending your marriage. You have not wronged your friends.

Your letter is very kind, much kinder than theirs to you. Kindness is good, but I do not see that you need to apologize to them in these too places. The blame and guilt are not yours but your WH's and the OW's.

That's item one on the list.

Yes.... Its gone. Tried to be nice and understanding.

Ok, that's the end of that then. It's done.

Now, how was your day with the gals? What color are your toe nails?

AEK, please tell me that you didn't sent that letter. This drama has got to stop! Every contact you make with these people sets you back and is so unhealthy for you that I don't even know where to start.

:::: Please promise that you will not contact these people again. Everything you say diminishes you in their eyes and is a permanent record to be pored over and pitied.

YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO LOWER YOURSELF TO THIS!

Sorry for shouting.

What was wrong with letter. I'm glad they made that decision. I don't feel guilty about writing the letter now... May be it's the closure I needed.

Feeling bad today....I wish I had a switch that would turn my mood in to a good one. Dr tomorrow....may be they will give me some pills. Toes pink!

I have lost my home, my friends, my job and my dignity. We have no idea what the future holds in terms of a job for my husband which in turn affects my kids future. This is all such a mess and I cannot cope.

Well, first of all you shouldn't have replied at all. Secondly, you apologized for something you should not have apologized for. Third, you asked them to contact you again when no contact is best for everyone.

Oh well, what's done is done. Just don't contact them again and hopefully they won't contact you.

You feel bad today because you contacted the friends that trigger your memories and bad feelings. If you want to feel better, avoid all contact with friends that trigger your memories and stop thinking about the A! Make a list of things that will get you out of this mess and focus on accomplishing the things on the list one item at a time. Baby steps.

I'm glad you have an appointment with the doctor. You will definitely get some medication if you are honest about your symptoms and tell the doc about your suicide attempt. Just a warning...it takes a few weeks for the medication to start working, so you will need to do other things in the meantime that will make you feel better.

I feel happier that they wrote the initial letter - they made it their decision to send a NC letter rather than me....surely I cannot be bad mouthed for this?????

I feel bad as I am not in control. The job thing is worrying me.....I need to know where we are going to live, where my kids will go to school and what job my husband will be doing....they are all interlinked.

I am looking forward to seeing the Dr - I think it is a positive decision and I need to keep moving forward.

No, I don't think your letter will cause them to bad mouth you (and who cares if they did anyway?) What I'm saying is that writing that letter was bad for YOUR mental health. You need to understand that contact with these people is triggering your sadness and depression. It's not about what they will think or say...it's about what contacting them does to YOU. Do you get that?

It is good that you are worred about the job/home/school situation. It gives you something else to focus on. You can focus on doing job research, home research, and school reasearch. Spend some time reaseaching these things online. This will keep your mind occupied, rather than allowing your mind to continue obsessing about the affair.

Am I normal or more obsessive than most?
I wonder if I am loosing the plot....

You are totally normal!!

If it makes you feel better, thoughts of my H's affairs pop into my head all the time, every day. However, I do not get down and depressed anymore because I have learned how to redirect the thoughts to something else.

You just haven't learned how to redirect your thoughts to something else yet. As a result, the thoughts sit in your mind and fester...making you more and more sad and depressed. Once you learn how to redirect your thoughts, you will start to feel much better. Does that make sense?

You may also find anxiety medication helpful. Ask the doc about that today too.

You are way way normal
Do you think it's possible that you couldn't think i.e. obcess about this, still makes me a little nuts.

hs is exactly right, you learn to consciously move your thoughts to another topic. I find when I go to sleep, or when I wake up in the middle of the night, which i now do (never did b4), is when i find it hardest......
It does get easier, just takes time

Oh and antidepressants and anti anxiety meds rule!
and I am by no means a druggie.
The a.d. meds take 2-3 wks to take full effect though so dont get discouraged when you dont feel different right away.
my anti anxiety med works in about 15 min, they are a great crutch, and i am thankful for them

Hey.....you seem to be doing so well and only a few months after D day.....how? I feel such a failure that I am still going round in circles. I am hoping once the job is secure that I will feel more positive.

aek1 You have to understand, I have been there done that and am on the other side. I just hope, That my ww wakes up like me.....
As time goes on though i do lose hope, slowly. She is adamat that we are getting a D. As a matter of fact she is trying to get our lawyers to meet w us. She has envisioned a wonderful fantasy divorce, where she comes to my house after school and makes dinner and does homework and stays till 8 or 9pm every day. Sometimes even sleeps over. WTF. Fantasy land. No No No I am not great, but there are no more feelings of hopelessness. I am a good person, and if she cant see that, she cant see that. Just because I did a really bad thing at one point and time in my life, does not doom me to be a bad person for life. If she doesn't understand that, I completely get it. My sich is way f#ed up. But I can now focus at least. I don't know if my marriage is savable at this point.
I am always hopeful. (even if I am being delusional)
There are no failures, please try to understand that.
I can't tell you how much the meds have helped
I was a freakin wreck before them.
I have a great support system, They are family for the most part. They have no clue but they preach MB principles.

MB has really helped me....but I still feel responsible for all of this...should I? Just because I did have SEX with him often enough.....is that really an excuse to have an A with my best friend? I feel like he is willing to move on, make an effort and make a new life with me but how can I forgive that quickly....I want things to be better, I want us to be happy but I feel I am the loser in this. I have lost everything and all those around me just want everything to get better and everyone to move on. My H tries but I am not sure it is enough. Even after last week, I don;t think he gets how much this has upset me, killed my confidence and knocked me for 6.....when will he realise? I feel it is now up to me to make it happen.....surely that's now fair.

I took this from hurtingstill's response to you. This is what is wrong with sending that letter.

AEK, friends come into our lives, and sometimes they leave. Not every friend you have will be in your life forever. These friends are friends who were in your life for a time. They are no longer in your life. Keep working on your present life, which does not include them. I think you will start feeling better when you've started to do this.