I need help to save my relationship, I had a short Affair with my partners friend who lives just down the street and need help with helping my partner get over the hurt I love my partner very much and dont want the relationship to come to a complete end, the relationship is quite complicated as we were not a couple but have children together and I have been trying to mend a broken relationship from the past, we split due to my past drug use and well I have been clean for quite some time and hoped of saving our relationship, my partner had me around all this time she would let me stay at her house almost everyday and we hang out all the time, so we were kind of in a no intamacey relationship where we were around each other all the time, I didnt see her feelings toward me were getting stronger and had this AFFAIR, i feel terrible that it happened and ended it way before I came clean with her when she asked about my sex life. HOW DO I HELP THE PAIN I HAVE CAUSED GO AWAY OR SUBDUE FOR HER? HOW DO WE GET PAST MY POOR CHOICE? HOW CAN I SHOW HER THAT I CARE ABOUT HER AND WANT THIS RELATIONSHIP TO GROW AND BECOME STRONGER THAN EVER. Please help im in desperate need.

Kevin, I am sorry you and your partner are in pain, but I'm not sure where the fault lies. You are dating. You are not in a committed relationship.

Having sex with her friend was a pretty scum-bag thing to do, definitely. But the two of you aren't married. You are free to play the field.

I'm not sure how we can help you. My short answer would be to stop screwing around with her friends if you don't want to cause her pain. If you want the relationship to 'grow' you need to take it to the next level and commit to each other in marriage.

Hi Kevin,

You can not help another person's pain go away. All you can do is try to make better decisions in the future.

As far as rebuilding trust, that takes time, consistancy, and 100% openness and accountability.

I understand that you feel you made a poor decision, but you have to stop beating yourself up for it as well.

When our emotions are heightened, our ability to think and reason goes down. So whether you are dealing with pain, arousal, or anger, you have to realize this affects how you make decisions.

If you do not want to repeat your past mistakes, you need to learn something new that will change your decision making process.

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Thanks for the positive result and will make a point of sticking it out by her side through this all and never allowing myself to make such poor decisions in the future.

Thanks for your reply any help is definately appreciated.

Click notify and have this transferred to the 'surviving an affair' you'll get more responses there.