Ooops, sorry about that. Missed a whoile page of posts. Thanks Mel for squaring me away.

This morning I sent a text to WH to tell him our daughter was sick and he needed to look at my car cause there is a leak that is getting worse. Normally, it would take him a week or more to fix something with the car if I ask him to look. This evening, he stopped by without notice and is working on the car with the mechanic from his work and half the guys in the neighborhood. I don't know what to think of this. Is this an effort on his part to be nice? Was it an excuse to see the kids? Was he feeling he must do this out of duty to the kids or me and today seemed as good a time as any? Any ideas?

How are your Plan B preparations coming along?

hssh, who knows why he came over to fix the car, but be sure to thank him sweetly when he's done...and keep up with the Plan B preparations, but Plan A until you give him the Plan B letter!

Guilt, probably, but I wouldn't read too much into it. I remember my WW doing things like that and understand how you can get your hopes up. Stay focused, you're doing good and I wish I had had your strength when the stuff hit the fan at my house.

Not so scared anymore. Not sure he's still worth all the trouble and heartache. Maybe a new beginning wouldn't be so bad after all. He obviously doesn't think he needs to change and for 10 years he hasn't listened to me anyway. What's the point?

Your response?

Not so well. Still unemployed so not much independence. He's texting me now about taking the $ out to pay the bills and opening another account. "Why do you think I wouldn't provide for the kids? You think I'd just let them go without lights and water? I have always taken care of the kids." Yes, yes, I saw that when he emptied the account 2 weeks ago to fly out of state with no warning. And again this week in retaliation of me opening another account. Yes, he provides well.

I am looking for work and leaning on my friends and family. We talk only about the necessities. I don't have a go between yet, but I have someone in mind.

Have you begun to write your Plan B letter?

Have you called legal aid (or a family law attorney) and educated yourself about your rights?

Most major cities, or the county where you live, will have a web site that has a list of linkable family resources.

If all you can see is a woman's shelter, call them. Ask them about legal help for an unemployed wife.

It's over. He has lived at his buddy's house all last week. The kids didn't realize he wasn't there and hadn't been there for 4 days. Saturday, he text me asking if he could see the kids. I said sure just let me know when you're on your way. He didn't of course, just showed up. He stayed all day and hung out outside with them. When the kids went in to bed, he stayed outside and drank and partied with the neighbors till 3am and came in and slept upstairs (probably too drunk to drive anywhere anyway).

He stayed all day Sunday and when the kids went to bed, he told the most sensitive kid that we had broken up. He gave her a hug and left. She fell apart and told our other 2 kids. They cried in their sleep at night and all morning before school. I considered keeping them home, but figured the stability would be good for them.

I am looking into attorneys and he is looking into flights to go see her. I am done and will not put up with this BS anymore. I deserve better than that and so do the kids.

I'm so sorry to hear your update, but I think your statement above says a lot.

Take care, hssh.

Just an update, since it's been awhile: the kids and I moved out of our house and in with my parents (3 hours away). WH moved OW and her 2 kids into our house and her kids into our kids rooms (she left her husband and moved her and the kids 3 states away from him and in with my WH). WH has stopped sending child support, has spent many months telling me how his affair is MY fault, calling me all kinds of names (apparently his affair makes me a slut, b****, gold digger, etc.), and has ruined his relationship with our oldest child, who was once his biggest fan. He also has gotten OW pregnant, which I think is just fabulous given that none of us are divorced yet. (can you feel the sarcasm?)

The mediation for the divorce takes place next week. He has failed to get an attorney and yet was terribly upset when he found out how much mediation would cost him. Never mind the fact that I shell out $250 every time he makes any contact with my lawyer.

On the plus side, I guess its better find out what an [censored] he is after only 10 years of marriage as opposed to 20 or more.

hssh, can you tell us: What did you do to expose the affair?
Did you expose this at their workplace?
With family?
What did you do to kill the A?

Have you spoken with OW's husband? I'd assume he knows, by now, of the affair but just wanted to make sure.

Are you are going for full custody? Just by your posts, it doesn't sound like he'd protest too much.

Hope things start looking up for you and the kids, try to be the sane and strong one for them since their dad isn't doing it.

The OWH informed me of the affair in the beginning. We have kept in contact throughout this whole ordeal and done whatever we could to make things easier on the kids. I am going for primary custody, and no he doesn't protest, but he demands to talk to them whenever he feels like it, no matter what we're doing or where we are.

I exposed the affair to his family and friends, the people in the neighborhood we hung out with, their coworkers, bosses, etc., and it ruffled their feathers, but didn't do a thing to stop them. Neither of them had any remorse. And even though the A took place at work with company resources, when OW moved in with him, the company offered her a promotion to the corporate office. It may have slightly scarred their reputations, but now that they are living together and having a baby together, the company could care less if they're both still married to other people. And both of their families say they don't support what they've done, but in a way they are.