Hi all,

Ok need some help/advice urgent! i have been married for 11 months and we have a 7 month old son together, we planned to get married anyway when my fiance then fell pregnant so did so that our baby would be born in wedlock (as family wanted also!)we have been together for 3 years all in all and started off as friends which grew into a relationship then deeply in love, everything was perfect until for months after the marriage around the same time our son was born.

I started becoming moody with her, starting arguments over the smallest things and basically wanted the attention which i used to get before we had a baby, i know it sounds childish and silly but as newly weds i wanted us to be perfect like befor but i guess i felt she was slipping away from me which i now see was foolish as she is the best mother, wife and step mother(i have 2 children from a previous relationship which i see on weekends)in the world to me and is simply a good person. So with this silly arguments came stress and pressure on our marriage, the arguments were as far as it went, i never cheated, hit or anything as bad as that but verbal abuse is a serious a bad thing as i have learnt.

During these argumnents she said a few times that if i made her cry again she is gone, i obiously did not listen and 3 weeks ago it happened again but this time she was so upset she went to her parents house and told them what has been happening and that she has had enough. Since then she has asked me to leave the house which i have but go over nearly everyday to bath the baby, feed him and put him to bed then i leave. She mentioned divorce and that she will go to the lawyers but has not so far, when we have contact it is just about the baby and if i try to talk to her about anything else she does not want to know. But sometimes we can be talking and laughing like before then she suddenly remebers and goes cold. We have our sons chritening coming up so decided to keep it private until after.

I have been a wreck but trying not to show her, she has been composed shows no feeling (she was almost always like that with everything) and carrys on as normal. i asked her if she still loves me and she said 'im not obliged to answer that' any women out there please tell me what that means!! i love my wife and my kids and just want things to go back to normal, i am changing as a person and see the mistakes i have made. She had a relationship before me where the guy was physicaly abusive and took him back many times so does not see how i will change as she thinks no one can change. Sorry for the long post but i am desperate and miss my family, i just want them back. Any advice would be appreciated.

Hi yoyo, welcome to Marriage Builders. The basic problem is that your wife has been neglecting you and in reaction, you have been lashing out at her. The solution is for her to stop neglecting her marriage and for you to stop lashing out at her.she is doing what many wives do when they have children and that is to put the child first and ignore the marriage. That needs to change obviously.

But you need to tell her about your unhappiness respectfully. You are RIGHT to have an expectation to have your needs met in your marriage.

So go home. Don't move out again. Go home and tell her you want to have a great marriage and show her this article written by Dr Harley,clinical psychologist. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8112_care.html