Have you properly exposed?
Have you told his mom that he is in danger for charges because he is preying, yes PREYING, on a minor?
Have you exposed to his other family members, church, friens, anyony who might be willing to talk some sense into him?
Or are you keeping his secret mostly and suffering because of it?

Did you try exposing to the girl's friends? Don't you think they would find it gross that she is in contact with such an old man?

Have you consulted an attorney if you can change the locks, so that you can just put his stuff in bags outside?
He must wake up and grow up! He is not only behaving as if he is single, he is behaving like a really creepy single, preying on minors. Did you say that was your age when you met him? And the other OW was 19?

Yu should expose all of that and if that's not enough, call the police, whatever. You can't let this go on without doing anything to stop him. He has 4 children for crying out loud. Some people should be willing to stop him.

I know you don't want him to lose his job. But isn't there any way you can talk with his boss? He knows he has 4 children to provide for. Maybe he can give him a formal warning, that if this repeats he is out of it.

And, by the way, smash, hide, or sabotage his phone. Or just take the sim card out, or autoforward all his calls to your answering machine. Do something for heaven's sake!

God bless,

Happyheart

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I tried to not let it bother me. I can not do that anymore and him and I talked this morning and he tried to throw it all back at me (typical) and I told him he was just using cop out excuses. I ended the convesation telling him to keep his friend, I only ever wanted him to be happy anyway. He said that sounds like good bye. I told him I am not sure at this point what that means, but I have shared my feelings, he laughed at me.
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Look, he is not taking you seriously and thinks you will not stand up to him anyway.
Besides why in the world would you want to tell him that he should keep his friend. He has really worn you down, hasn't he?

He is bashing you, so you will be a crying little ball on the floor and will keep doing the housekeeping and taking care of the children. Oh, and ironing his shirts, so that he can look good in the eyes of this sich girl OW.

You already know, he will not change anything, unless forced to. Take away his phone, by all means, and while you are at it, make sure he can't get into the internet. (just remove the cable)

Ad it looks like it is time to tell your children what is going on. Your daughter is 14. She must have noticed, that something is very wrong between the two of you. Don't you think she might want to know, that it is not her fault? And that her father is dating a girl her age? She might get mad and maybe that will make it through the fog.

1
Expose, also to your children

2
lose the phone

3
lock him out

Please stand up for yourself. I know it must be hard. You have small children to think of also. But please don't let him do that to you. You are worth more than that.
Just take action. Talking was yesterday. He does not listen.

May God bless your actions,

Happyheart

He stole your wedding band, for crying out loud.
The least you can make disappear is his phone!

What happened when you told OG's parents?

Let's start our own countdown...how many days until you graduate?

I guess if I were you, I wouldn't go through this again. Plan B and file. He's not willing to protect you.

this past weekend was a hard one. H and I did a lot of talking. Still not enough. He is still in the fog of their friendship. I screwed up and asked a male friend of a friend to blow up my phone so that H would understand what I have been saying to him. When he saw the messages he got really upset and agitated. He went through my phone, got really emotional. He then said that I can have as many friends as I want, just please do not sleep with any....when I asked him if he saw how this was similar to his "friend" AND I had never even met the guy... I am not sure what this means or really what my point was of doing this other then for him to SEE what I was talking about and stop laughing at me. I know he feels backed in a corner because I gave a list of things for this fake friend to send me (the same things he has been sending). The look on his face was revealing.
In another conversation I talked with him I told him that NOT wearing a wedding ring was NOT an option (has had it off for a week- and has yet to give me mine back but I refuse to ask for it, if he does not want me to have it I do not want it). He is wearing it again and I am not sure it is because I asked him to, or because he spent the day with family yesterday.

I had originally thought that I was ready for Divorce, now I am just not so sure. I am thinking perhaps it is time for a hard core plan A. I have been reading many sights (Scotlands all day). I really want my marriage to work. I am not sure if it is noble or stupid.

In addition to above, I told H that it is the little things that matter to me. I do not want a grand fake gesture- I want the small stuff, like affection, attention, hello and good bye. Easy stuff. I also reminded him that I refuse to share.

I don't think you've exposed wide enough. This girl is a minor. call the cops. If this was my daughter, I'd be taking DH to knuckle junction.

CV

Ok, moment of weakness over. Pity party done. Blinders off. What a moron I am. SERIOUSLY. Had another talk with H last night and realized he is talking circles around me and I am letting him. He is doing the bare minimum to keep me guessing. He is telling me not to do this to the kids. ME? I told him he was a cake eater and I was serving him up ice cream. He asked me what he had to do and I looked at him and handed him HNHN and told him he needs to read that, get rid of his "Friend", put on his wedding ring, and recommit to what he agreed to years ago or "love" me enough to leave me alone. I will not share.

He told me I was still not getting my ring back and I told him that is fine, he can keep it, I do not want it if he is asking me to share. He just stared at me. This morning he got up for work and gave me a hug, and told me he loved me. I replied that I loved him too, but I will not share you.

I sent OG a text after H fell asleep and she texted him(he is always saying she is trying to "help" us and telling him to go talk to me) that told her SHE is the reason we are fighting. Now do not get me wrong, I do no think it is her fault, it is his, but SHE is what we are fighting about so if she truly wants to help she needs to go away.

As far as exposing what is going on, I had already told her parents, they think I am full of it, they really like him and they think he has helped get her on the straight and narrow. I talked to his boss about it and she said, "yeah, he plays favorites but so do I". I have not told his parents yet as last time this happened they asked me what I did to push him away and did nothing. I am now just sitting here waiting for my phone to go off when H finds out I sent that text to OG....

What did you tell them during your exposure? Did you tell them that your H is having an affair, or did you tell them something along the lines of "H is having innapropriate contact with OG"?

CV

H is having inappropriate contact with OG, texting all night long. I have no proof of anything else.

This is what we call an affair, Mnmom. You husband is involved with another woman. His heart and mind are being given to her. And if I remember, this isn't the first time he was with a young woman/minor?

CV

I tried to explain that to OG parents- but apparently I stand alone in my feelings of this friendship. It makes me feel like I am losing my mind- that I am making this up.
No it is not the first time that he has chosen someone that is younger. I can change my hair, I can change my body, I can change my clothes, I can try so very hard at home to keep it just so, to be the best wife, mother, caregiver...I can not change my age. I have tried to fix things but apparently I am still not enough.
He is not willing to stop. He says I can have Christmas so I should be happy. Now time to figure out the finances,day care and housing situation.
Man do you have any idea what a slap in the face and punch in the gut this is. Yes, because you are here you do.
Time to buck up.

I understand it is hard. My problem with what i'm reading is that you are writing " this is a friendship"... In reality he is preying on young girls. It is a special kind of perversion. It is molestation of a child. He didn't just choose someone younger (for example: He's 35 and picked a 29 year old woman to cheat with), he picked a child. Seriously, tell him to end it or pack up and go and never come back. It's a non-negotiable point to have a spouse who preys on minors.

You aren't losing your mind, but I sense that you are trying to minimize it still...

CV

Okay. H and I are planning to go over guidelines tonight. Does anyone have any responses to the following common statments he makes. My typical response is "I won't share" but that does not seem to do anything but make him mad or shut down.

1. You have friends, why can't I?
2. You go on Facebook, how is this different (he has complete access to it, knows my passwords, and has it on his phone- I am not hiding anything)
3. It is just a friend, there is nothing going on
4. Keep this up and your wish will come true (meaning, keep accusing him of cheating, or asking for a divorce, and that is exactly what will happen).

5. You talk cr@p about me to your friends. (I go for support)

Your response should be to go to Plan B.

I agree

As SC stated, it is time for Plan B. I would ask him to move out. Once you get him out, you can go into Plan B and consult with an attorney to get legal protection.

mnmom, first you DEMAND that he end all contact with this OW and commit to recovery. If he doesn't agree, then you should ask him to leave. I would lay this out for him:


If he doesn't agree to that, then Plan B is warranted. You don't have to justify any of this. Just the fact that you don't feel safe is sufficient. And you are not safe with him.

Would you mind if I copy this letter and print it? Change it a little but use it as a baseline for my conversation. I feel bad, he asked me years ago to not use FB but I figured he could look at it whenever he wanted so what was the harm, I guess I messed up and I will close my account. I am willing to make radical changes so he feels safe. Now lets see if he is willing to do the same.

I view that as a distraction from the main issue. You should not have a facebook account either, however, he does not feel UNSAFE. You are the one who is unsafe so I view this as a silly distraction.

Just delete your facebook so you can move on to the real issue. Even so, it is obvious your H is not in the least serious about this. He knows you are not serious and won't take you seriously.