Your attorney is trying to prepare you for the best DIVORCE outcome.

We are trying to help you SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE.

Pick your strategy.

As a non-Christian, non-religious person, I can tell you with certainty that Lord wants your wife back in your home and in a healthy, strong and loving marriage.

The MB technique to winning her back is based in some of the best biblical concepts, as I see them.

Nothing could be more pure or pious.

You must take the steps outlined or please proceed with the lawyer.

PS. Not to get political, Im pretty sure He doesnt want her in a lesbian affair at the very least.

I'd go with the lawyer in this case...

though I do believe in exposure. I also believe in doing what council says. Finish packing up her stuff. Make her take it. Keep the rings off. Have you separated finance. Do it immediately if you haven't. No CC. No Joint bank account.

You also bring up that you want to do this by the book. Well Hoseah had a wife that would do what your wife did. God was trying to send a message to Israel. What is God trying to tell you here. Especially since your wife isn't humbling herself like Gomer did. In fact your wife seems to show no contrition at all. Have you ever read the passage about casting pearls before swine. Well in this case, you and your marriage are the pearls and your wife is the swine. Thats biblical. Its not that she doesn't deserve grace and mercy. But grace and mercy are just more of the pearls that keep getting thrown at her. There is also the time that after being rejected by a town Paul just kicked the dust of his shoes and said "Hey, I told you. Now its your problem" (loose paraphrase). She needs to experience the consequences of her decisions. That's the only way some people learn. And in truth, you are standing in her way.

Tell me, matty: does your attorney advertise her services as being experienced in 'saving marriages' or in 'divorce law'?

Do you want to divorce or save your marriage?

In two months your children will be calling OW 'mommy two' and will be nicely settled in their new family pattern.

I hope no one is telling you to approach this as an act of vengence. You need to expose to save your marriage!

Thank God my H's A was exposed in their workplace. IT ENDED THAT DAY.

Well, I exposed the affair 2 days ago. I informed her employer (church pastor and daycare director). Family and friends also know. But nothing has happened!! In fact, the church pastor (even when presented with the evidence of the affair) said he just wants to sit down with the 2 of us to "get to the root of the problem." How is that supposed to help? So far there have been no consequences. This counseling session he wants to do will go nowhere because all she does is lie, lie, lie and blame her actions on me. I am so frustrated. It's almost like people don't want to believe it or they think I'm some crazy psycho husband!!
It sucks to get no support when you do the last thing possible to save the marriage.

So you asked them all to contact her and use their influence to persuade her to end her affair? Did they refuse to contact her? What did you say when you told them?

And I would ask the pastor to call her up and ask her to end her affair. You need his support.

Well you have support here.

I find it strange nothing has happened. How did you word things? Did you ask for help in saving your marriage and asked family/friends to hold the affairees accountable for their actions?

If the pastor is any good, he'll see right through her blameshifting. It sounds like he want to see if the marriage can work and maybe he is just on your side.

Did WW know you were going to expose? Did she have a chance to prepare everybody? Something fishy is going on, it is rather odd that the wind was taken out of your sails like that.

Did you call the OW's husband?

Frankly, I think that a marriage that has suffered 3 affairs with no end in sight needs to focus more on legal protection of your kids. Your W is very destructive and you need to protect yourself and your kids. Sorry.

No one wants to get directly involved. They don't think it's their business to persuade her...they say it's a decision she has to make on her own. Her parents were useless, like I expected. I explained to everybody that I loved my wife and that I wanted to make this family work, but it couldn't with this affair happening. I asked them to talk to her about it. They basically looked at me and said "ok...good luck."

Yes, I'm hoping that he will see through her lies and blameshifting. But it's still not hitting the affair issue head-on. As for the exposure, my WW suspected it I think. One of our mutual friends told her about the evidence I had, so she immediately started making excuses to cover herself. I know some people believe her because for months she's been painting me as an obsessive husband. If they only knew what she was doing (or believed what I said!!), then things might be different.

There's no 'root' to get to. The root is her affair.

I could contact the pastor's immediate superior. I find it incredible that something as huge as adultery is being minimized in such a way that an adulterer is still gainfully employed within the confines of a church-sanctioned job.

COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF. I'm shocked and just plain angry at the same time. Since he's the senior pastor, I'm not sure who his superior would be. He got his "advice" from someone at the Christian Law Association. What a joke.

There's your lead. Google this and find out more about it. Find someone there you can call. Get the names of his superiors and expose this to them.

Just sent them an email and will be calling them later this afternoon. Maybe once they hear all the facts, they'll have something different to say.

This is one of the main reasons it is unwise to keep an affair secret. It gives the WS a chance to spin the story.

Agree!

Did you do this yet?

That's the one thing I haven't done. It actually slipped my mind. He's seperated with his wife anyways, so he may not care. Worth a try though.

It is worth a try since he once invested a lot in the relationship and deserves to know what his wife is involved in, whether he loves her or not, whether he is a cad himself or not.

It is a fact. A factual situation that needs to be exposed to important people.

Her husband is important.

Any reaction you get from him......accept as his initial reaction and just place it on the shelf as an action that needed to be done, having been done.