Is there legal separation where you live?
(curious)

Hi Scotty,

Everyone moves at their own pace, so don't be hard on yourself!

There is another poster, I am sure more then one, but she was in Plan B for at least 4 years because she was not ready. But once she was, there was no stopping her! She moved on beautifully. I haven't seen her post in quite awhile so her name escapes me, heck, it is hard for me to remember what I had for dinner last night sometimes!

ba

Reading, there isn't "legal separation" in Canada. You can have a separation agreement which would be binding but can change if both parties agree. It is usually done to determine visitation, CS, SS etc. Since Bampot follows what I outlined there is no need for me to get one done. That's why the next step for me would be to file for a D. I have looked into what is needed and what steps I need to take. I am fully prepared for it, when I need it.

In Canada, you have to be separated for 1 year before you can file for a D and then, if both parties agree to the terms of the D, it is final after 30 days of being filed with the courts. In the case of adultery, the BS has the right to file for a D immediately(the WS would have to wait). And you can actually live under the same roof and be considered separated. There are some strange laws

Interesting.

So, if your wayward started a life of crime (drunk driving, mayhem, murder, robbery, etc), or squandered the joint assets and or allowed you no access to them...you would need to D.

I know Scotty, and just because I am on the outside looking in, don't think I have an attitude of being wise, or smarter that your instincts

I think you are doing awesome

My main concern and appreciation is for your character and strength for the boys. Yes is serves you, but in turn serves them

You are NOT an affairland drama boo-hoo queen willing to sacrifice the permanent on the alter of the immediate

On the outside, it is easy to see that this is unfolding as normal
Bampot will see you moving on, and I expect he will then react

I expect your reaction will be to want to smack the spoiled brat in the nose, and then too it will have it's moments of pain

Like you said, if he isn't up to manning up and coming home, you don't want his dizzy butt anyway. By that time your heart will be completly healed in the personal sense, but it will still ache for the boys. In that way you will still carry that burden

You have been here long enough, and I suspect you knew even before you came here, that it's the ones with objectivity and compassion, that suffer the most, when we are dealing with the emotionally deficient

You will be fine Scotty Rocks, and boys too. I am not worried about what you are doing at all

Just hope I can support you when I can

Im sorry if I dont explain myself clear enough Scotty, I deeply respect you and you also bring to my mind much better ways to live as I watch this unfold.

No worries CP, you explained yourself just fine. Thank you.

There is no end to Plan B in sight, even if at some point Scotty decides to file.

Why would anyone want to speak to an active WS just because a D was complete?

For anyone on here, across the board, no exceptions, I recommend that once Plan B starts, it is not discarded until the OP is discarded.

Those little "peeks" are a whole different, and controversial subject. But to open the doors wide to C with a WS just because the D is final, no, no, no! A thousand times no!!!

Here is what 1,000 no's look like.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!

In case you wondered.

Oh Neak, you kill me.

I agree that I won't have direct contact with Bampot while he is active in his A with OW. That is a MINIMUM that I am doing. He could still be a POS wayward, which would make me continue to not want any contact with him. Dunno, but I'll deal with it when I need to.

Ok, absolutely LOVE the 1000 no's!!!!

could have used this back with my (FW)H!

I agree with Neak here 100%.

Why fulfill their need for conversation? Throughout my marriage, I used to make WXW laugh all the time. Now there is a hole there and I know she misses it.

...Because I'm HILARIOUS!!

Not much of an update to report.

I have been thinking a lot about how far I have come. It is funny. It seems to happen all of a sudden, but it really takes a lot of small steps. I changed in many small ways, and then one day it hit me, "I am not the same person I once was." My ideas about marriage have drastically changed. MB has become almost second nature.

It's funny looking around the world, and seeing people who could be helped. I try when I think they will be receptive, and I talk about MB in the best most brightest light. This should be common knowledge amongst ALL married couples. It would help a lot of people. And the MB program would help stop a lot of hurt.

The boys are still having a hard time at times. Their lives weren't upturned too badly, so I think that helped. Moments have come up(you know, normal growing up things), that I have wished I wasn't raising them on my own, but we get through. In some ways, I think that we have a closer relationship than we would have. And for that, I am grateful. For one, my hours at work are much better(although not as many). I spend every evening with them, and that is important to me. They are some really funny kids.

Yesterday, I was at work, talking about normal things(not as much A talk as it was before) and someone said to me, "You are always so happy and bubbly. It's contagious, and everyone always wants to be around you." I said "Thank you"(see Pep, I am learning). And then someone else said, "When you talk to people, you make them feel like you really care, and they are a friend." I never even realized that I did that. It's just easier to be happy.

There is one thing I really need to work on. I still sometimes call Bampot, "My husband." I try to use his first name whenever possible, or call him "My son's father," but sometimes, I find myself saying, "My husband." I mentally slap my hand. I don't cringe when other people call him my Ex, but I still can't say that. When I say, "My husband," I do then tell that person that we are separated because he is having an affair and left. That my one condition he refused to meet was NOT having an A, how silly. They laugh and agree that I am being just so tough and holding him to ridiculous standards.

Gotta go off and make some more people happy now. After my boxing coach kills me that is(why do I do this to myself? And I pay him to torture me, GEEZ)

I call my husband "My estranged husband"

HTH

This is funny.
The other day I went to breakfast with my gang of "girls".
I split an order with one woman, and she insisted on paying.
I started to try to force money on her, then, I thought about my advice to you and I stopped myself and said:
"That is so generous of you. Thank you very much."


You are OUT OF THE BOX !!!!!!!!

What a happy post! Ya done good, girl!!!

Reading, it's a very small step/slip from "estranged husband" to "strange husband".

Yup Neak, 'tis!

I was thinking that same thing.

Pep, it's funny when you have to listen to your own advice eh? Tehehe And yes I am outside of the box, usually.

BTW ....

We split an order of smoked salmon eggs benedict .... to DIE for.

Love these updates

You shouldn't beat yourself up for still calling him your husband. There are terms you can use like estranged or stbx but that still doesn't negate the fact that he still is your husband.

I, too, have tried to think of something else to call my ww but I always end right back at "wife". The way I see it, whether or not she acts like it or wants to acknowledge it, she is still my wife and she will remain that way until the papers are signed.

You have come a long way and have helped many, myself included. Don't stop and just keep moving forward.