Its been two weeks today since I have had any direct contact with WW. Have kept limited contact with F/MIL. They are acting as intermediaries passing through only requests from WW. I asked them to keep any personal info off limits to me and only pass through requests for items.

Probably will see her in court Wed at the OFP hearing. Have a feeling the judge will throw it out since there is No imminent danger as the WW is in an alcohol in patient treatment center 20 miles away.

In order to stay in the program WW is required to be on site with no leaves for 23 days of the program. The other 22 days WW will be able to have access to car and come and go after 5pm until 10 pm. May or may not have to submit to random UA's-its there call at the program. WW will be limited with supervision. Frm 8am to 5pm is their programming.

I know the program by contact with people who have been through it recently.

I am still going to press the OFP even if judge won't grant it. Maybe the WW-now sober will at least hear what has transpired in a very controlled setting. If WW gets it or not is another question.

I plan to keep contact a zero at the hearing and try to be business like directing my questions , documentaation and responses to the court. I am going w/o a lawyer so I hope I don't po the judge.

On a brighter note DS 28 his GF, Br. niece 5 and friend came out and played Sat. First time for me really out on the water. Br and niece fished for a while. The rest of us went swimming and took turns ramming around on the pwc.

Br left N 6 with us for a while while we went swimming. We made a game with her pushing myself and DS off the boat. DS played like a little kid with her. Actually both of us did. At one point N said in a really stern voice DS you need to stand here. I said right here. DS said no. N pasued for a second and all we heard was "douche". All 3 of us were in the water and DS asked what did you say. She repeated the stand right here part and we looked at each other and qietly said did we really hear what she said? So we spent the rest of the afternoon throwing this out to each other or lipping it when we knew N would not see or hear. Had a lot of good belly laughs out of it.

Cooked on the grill and ice cream. Both are my favorite food groups. The whole day was pretty laid back and playful. I don't remember any type of conflicts or real problems with anyone.

DS has had a real problem with coming out here to the resort in the past. Almost every time he has come out WW and him get into a fight about something in the past. Be it money or bad memory. Somehow its brought up and the tone changes instantly. Then its time to go home.

Yes there were some hurts in the past. I would rather have a R with DS than be right or try to resolve hurts from the past that really can't be resolved unless we change history. These are not issues today. He apologized and changed his ways quite a while ago. I placed some boudaries and I know should they will come up again my choices will be different than they were in the past. Isn't that how it is supposed to be?

It was nice to part ways with every one wanting to come back another day and do even more.

They all left too early though. Other committments.

Took L/S out for a ride for and hour or so. This put me home at dusk. No loons tonight since the fireworks were started when I got back. Watched some off the dock for a little while. DD had to work until 10pm so we watched a couple. She made plans with friends to go to a grad party.

Felt alone for a short time. Always as long as I remember WW and I would go to fireworks somewhere. Bring a blanket and snug up together and swat mosquitos.

In my current situation that feeling didn't last long. I wrote it off as a good memory. I have a lot of those. Not that I would trade back into our relationship or any relationship othe than just friends right now.

Is it possible I went through the stages of grieving while still m'd and into D? Is that possible? My Br has suggested this before.

I had a lot of time alone while still m'd where I basically knew my own happiness was up to me. With the alcoholism I tried to place no expectations on the WW while she was actively drinking. Basically into protect mode. She has been IRL the falling down drunk posters refer to here. Hard to get to MB's or any type of reconciliation when the behavior occurs over and over. Came back to my head that WW is responsible for the first drink she takes after a period of remission the same as I am.

I don't feel the pining and wishing and wanting to know whar WW is doing. I actually feel good. Sat (and sunday below) helped me feel even better.


Went back to the church WW told me was "her church and I was not welcome their" Felt good. During one of the songs the pastor was looking through the congregation and locked onto me and mouthed welcome nESRe and nodded. After church greeted each other. I thanked him for not counseling with us back in january and he looked at me strange. I said with all the conflict and hurt it was not going to work. He said I could see that when you guys walked in the first (and last) time. Told him where I am at. He asked me if I would be a regular and I promised him I would. This same pastor works with my I/C and she always speaks highly of him also.

Took L/s out for a good ride. Went and visited parents. Went to a friends house and then ended up going to an AA meeting. Basicly bumbed around all day. Felt good. DD worked 12pm to 9pm. Going to try and go out to eat somewhere today so I can spend some time with her also.

Strawberries and lawn calling for attention. Cleaned house a bit this am.

Gotta run

nESRE

Wow you so deserved a break and am pleased it has ended on a good note.

It's not celebrated here in the UK at all but the weather was good so thats nice!

I read many of your posts as I wander through the forums, you are impressive!

Tanum

You and your hubby did't just drive in at dark for fireworks. The lake was so noisy. No loons.
Every one left early.

Had to enjoy my other favorite food group and ate the chocolate for the smores! Too bad so sad. All you guys missed out!

Is your regualr post on the recovery thread or is there another?

Take care. Thanks for stopping by.

nESRE

Yes my main thread is on recovery, there were a couple of others that either got t/j or otherwise lost, they are still on SAA if you are interested.

H had 6 yr affair, much of it with my knowledge and reluctant and unwilling enabling and much unhappiness.

Blew up around Christmas time, gave him choice. He's trying.....very trying, but does his best, he's not very emotionally literate, isn't able to meet my need for conversation to the extent I would like but we are making progress.

Sorry we missed the perfect 4th of July, sounds like something from a feel good movie. so thanks for sharing.

We instead went to a car boot sale and then I went riding in the local countryside, horses and freshly mown hay, bright sunshine and good company, he cooked dinner and had to work! Who got the better deal!!

Reading here makes me count my blessings and realise my sitch aint so special or even tough like so many are. Keeps perspective on tough days, although they are getting less, so thats good.

so nESRE and Tan had a good weekend on different continents!!

Tanum

Just went back through your thread on R forum again. Might have an article or post with a simlar sitch. May take a little time to find so please be patient with me.

It was in a letter to Dr. H in an article. Writing this mainly as a reminder to myself.

Gotta run right now for a bit. I'll see if I can find it later.

LTA's.

nESRE

OFP hearing to see if there was enough to make it permanent tuday. Judge wanted proof of blood and or guts.

Denied.

Unless I would have brought in solid proof of actual physical harm-not just threats and verbal abuse it would have been denied.

Wonder if the tables would have been turned with gender what he outcome would have been?

If I want to keep her out I would have to take it back to family court. Lets see-One judge OK'd the MTA (signed ny WW) with me as sole tenant of the house and now I have to go back through the system-and another judge may or may not allow it. I hate courts. I hate judges. I hate the whole system. I am not going to pay a lawyer to go through the process again.

Over the weekend with kids out and friends I got the feeling-Yea maybe I should just stay. Get a boarder or two to help financially-refinance the house-Kicked it around.

Today convinced me no way. I was OK before the hearing. I came in at the last minute and I waited out of site from the WW. During-Even When WW tried to use 20 plus year old stuff from the past(Judge shut it off fast) I wanted to scream out cant you at least get into this decade?

It was after. I waited in the courtroom a coupe of minutes after the judge dismissed us. Sure enough BullDozer was outside waiting for me.

WW-Can we talk

N-No-I have nothing to say to you. Have you given up Your A and do you really plan a life of sobriety?

WW-I have given up the A. I am sober. I can't believe you did this to me.

N-You were out of control drunk and rubbed Baldo right in my face. The D decree says I have the right to sole tenancy. I have the right to say who can and can't be there.
Please just leave. I have nothing to say. Until you prove what you say I don't want to talk to you.

WW huffed off. I waited a few minutes again and sure enough in BD fashion she was sitting outside the building on a bench. I walked right on by and she followed me almost to my vehicle saying we need to talk and me saying please leave me alone.

When almost to the vehicle I turned to WW and said-You've been drunk on and off for the past 10 years with each year getting worse pysically and emotionally. You've rubbed Baldo in my face for the past 5-6-7? years. You want to talk now?. I went so far as to D you and you still want to talk? About what? Do you get it? I divorced you for those exact reasons. What do I need to talk to you about? You hurt me over and over-again and again-and now you want to talk? I have nothing to say unless its about the kids, an offer on the house. (House is the last tied together financial piece)or someone in the family is sick, got hurt, or died.

WW said "I'll call you later". I said please don't. She turned and just walked off. Not sure if she was crying.

Probably not good things to say.

This has stirred up a lot of anger in me again. WW BD does not get it. I am at acceptance? with what has happened and her forcing herself on me twice after nicely saying please leave me alone P!!ssed me off royally. I could have seen an attempt once. When someone shuts me down I back off. Don't get it.

Convinced me more I need to get out of St. Crazyville here and start somewhere else. I get to look at Baldo all night down the road and everything is OK in his wayturd world.

I don't really want to work with WW on selling the house. Will talk to neighbor about people interested in it. Maybe can do it faster than expected.

Took L/S out yesterday and shot off firework with Br and niece so the lawn didn't get mowed. Maybe I'll push the whole yard to work some of this off.



nESRE

reading your thread.............sometimes wonder how you stand up straight.

Thoughts are with you.........this too will pass.

Can you not put the house stuff in the hands of an agent so you need have nothing to do with BD?

FWIW I think moving is the best way........too many memories, too many triggers and Baldo too close.

Fresh start, deep breath and believe things will get better, amazing things are due you!

Thanks for the support. I really do appreciate it.

Article that I thought may pertain to your sitch wasn't applicable. Have been on your thread and I am not sure I can help with your sitch since in my M there were only FR's? not sure it even reached that point. Many of them. She only agreed not to drink or see Baldo and would not proceed further. MB's principles was Bull S to her. No other program, pastoral counseling or regular counseling would work. Doesn't leave many choices. The alcohoi problem has to be solved first and maintained or it is highly unlikely nothing will work.

Tanum just know I will support you and your M and be reading along.

After reading a few posts last night and finding one where a members d is looking at chemo soon and asking for prayers because of complications put my puny problems back into perspective.

Gotta meeting to go to.

nESRE

Yeah, I kinda think thats why I keep coming back here, it makes my stuff look like nothing!!

For me, just nice to know someone reads along.

I am very clear tho that there will be no FR, if I find out he is in contact I can now, now I have done so much work on me, just walk away knowing I did all I could.

I don't think that is very likely just now, but 6 12 months down the line, IDK, but do know that while for a long time I was terrified to go, now I know I will be fine alone! It is hard tho knowing he is a KISA and I am no Damsel, I don't need him and he does need to be needed. Maybe I should play damsel occasionally!!

That makes me feel stronger, along with the fact he is trying hard in his own simple way to make things better.

We have begun work on the house again which we hadn't done for ages, the affection feels real, he doesn't seem to miss Ginge as much.

Last week I said something about how wonderful it must have been having 2 women doing all they could to make him happy, he shuddered and said no. Then did have the honesty to say that yes sometimes it was quite nice!!

I loved the honesty.

Enjoy the long summer evenings on the lake, the loons ....sounds just like "On Golden Pond"

Make new memories to take away with you

100% bs and garbage thrown at me.

Its been a whirlwind for me with up and down since the WW showed up here unannounced sunday morning. Thought it was F/MIL and unlocked the door. Was grabbing coffee cups when who walks in. No wonder they pulled close to the garage where I would not be able to see them. They (F/MIL) did not even stay or come in the house. They know my feelings and now appear to be supporting "LEGAL F'in Crap". So much for my feelings on past history and the matter that I want no contact with WW.

Called them later and let them know that legally WW probably could get a judge to side with her. How about from the moral. emotional standpoint FIL? He changed the subject and never did answer. Now I know where they stand. Nicely let FIL know "F" nESRE and his feelings. Won't be calling them ever for anything for a long time.

Yesterday recieved by mail a court summons to modify the D decree so WW has access to the house. WW has turned this around to say I denied her access under any circumstances. I have not denied her access. She just doesn't have free access any time. No keys. To do what she wants, when she wants. She hasn't called or presented any schedule or plans of any type. SHE WANTS open free access just like when we were M'd.

Had 10 people over saturday and the resort was in full swing. Had a really good time.

The WW showing up and new development has thrown me emotionally a $ $ h o l e s over tea kettles. Now WW has a pass for this saturday and wants to come out and be with DD for a while. Sarcastically and in the middle of very heated discussion later in the day last sunday I said "Ya I'll open up the house and you two can do whatever you want". This was along with saying she should invite Baldo over and all his friends to. Make a whole day and night of it. WW has turned it around and is using "you said" and has planned around it.

Every interaction leaves my head turning. Cut WW off last night. Said I would honor my word even though she did not get the direct context was from sarcasim and anger after she didn't get the several points of her waywardness and still my insisting on N/C .

Hey I got the "SCHmoopie" apology by her and "lets just get along". Kumbiaya.

Gone dark again. Want my few marbles back I found in the 3 weeks or so of going dark.

I will not be present saturday.

nESRE

Hmm... you know, your home could always have a sudden problem with its water supply. That should cut short any visit .

Alternatively, organize your own shindig for that day. It would make it very uncomfortable for your WW to hang around for long if the house is filled with friends who know what she's been up to.

I wasnt present and don't want to be anywhere near her since Baldo is definately still in the picture.

The A is being rubbed in my face while WW is trying to gaslight me. Now the F-MIL even buy into WW's gaslighting. According to a neighbor who has talked to me in the past and supports me WW has told everyone out here-And probably her parents I beat her and am responsible for the bruises and condition she came home in after binges. The descriptions I wrote about over the past several months back to thanksgiving 2010 where she broke her front teeth during a binge. According to neighbor no one believes WW. Still hurts to know she would go to that depth in the fog. The alcohol put an additional fog layer on top of it when we were together.

Supposedly she now has about a month clean and as I type is with POS and his family of low life enablers 100 miles away with them for the weekend.

Hey look. Its 530 am sunday morning and I am up typing.

Praise God.

Just got home from picking duaghter up without her car from one of Minnesota's finest. Open bottle-Underage consumption-Possession of Drug parapanelia.

I say AMEN. Prayers do come true. Her hind end is going to be kicked thanks to the court system and I had nothing to do with the choices she made. There is no way to be blamed for the mess she got herself into and I will remind her of our talk when or if need be. We just talked last week about how I would not bail her out WHEN she got into trouble.

The three tickets will cost her driving privilages for a while and have substantial fines for someone who works only about 20 hours per week.

Praise God she did not hurt herself or anyone else.

Court on wednesday for WW and I. WW wants to modify the divorce decree so she can have access to the house anytime. Don't care what the judge says it isn't going to happen. She may get a key but locks are cheap at Menards and may be changed often.

After the forcing her way in two weeks ago today I demanded she remove her stuff according to the decree. My brother and I carried all the large items to the garage last wednesday night and thursday I believe her dad and brother helped remove it. Stayed away because I know somewhere here WW will make a false claim on me. Of course it will be when there are no witnesses present. I have absolutely 0 trust and will not stay near her when there is not another person present that I trust.

Been reading here some but not posting since I am just keeping my head above water.

Just had to post. Please if your read this say a prayer to the God you understand for my sick family.

nESRE

6/14/11


Makes me want to puke that this was is my life

Oh nesre, I am so sorry you're having to deal with all this crap in your life. We used to sing a song in church called "Through It All" by Andrea Crouch" and it reminds me of you. This is one of those times for you.

Here is the link for the lyrics since I'm only IPod.

http://www.christian-gospelmusiclyrics.com/gospel/andrae-crouch/through-it-all-lyrics.html

Praying for peace in your life my friend.

PricessMeggy

You are a beautiful person and Gods love shines out through you like a radiant beam.

Listened to the song. What an artist.

Good cry. Haven't done that in a while.

Thank you friend. Sometimes music says it all.

nESRE

Went to church.Regualr pastor is gone on a trip.

Fill in pastors sermon was titled

God is still God-Through the good times and also the bad.

Whole sermon based on the book of Job.

Couldn't hardly believe it

nESRE

Oh nESRE,

you have been in my thoughts, so sorry life is so awful at the moment,

this too will pass.

The Job thing......for me that's one of the times I feel the goddess is slappin me and yelling.........NOW DO YOU GET IT?!

you are in the pit but the light is shining on you.....

I don't believe in coincidences... everything happens for a reason.

Protect yourself, stay as dark as you can, try doin some good things for you for a while.

Sending you good energy

Blessings

I love it when God speaks to us through others. Sometimes in life we can do nothing but stand there and let others hold us up.

Be encouraged my friend. God's not done with you.

wow i just read this how thread and was blown away just wanted to say i hope you are doing well and you will get past this. I will be keeping a eye on this thread and i hope you update us and that you are doing great