The only thing you're doing to them is hiding them from the truth. Eventually this will all come out and you will be looked at very harshly. Avoidance is not protecting your children.

What you're teaching them is it's okay to sleep with someone much younger/older and then lie about it/avoid dealing with it. How will you feel when your son is in his 30s and he sleeps with a 17 year old girl? Or when your son is 17 and sleeps with a 30 year old woman?

The other thing to consider is how you think the father is going to react when he finds out your wife slept with him. Rather than you going to them, you're waiting now for him to find out and come knocking on your door. That could get ugly in terms of violence, embarrasement, etc.

It's time to man up, not be paralyzed with indecisions and what ifs.

So if and when this comes out, what are the authorities going to do to you if they find out you knew and covered it up?

What will happen to your children if your both in prison?

Agree with kiltedthrower. I will add that every day that goes by increases the odds that someone else exposes this instead of you. You have a slim chance of saving yourself and your honor - for your boys sake - butnif it comes out that you helped hide this, you will be just as reviled. Your actions will be viewed as just as shameful as hers.

You need to man up and take control of this, LL. Make a plan to tell these people. Perhaps you could do it with your pastor. But you do need to do it before that wolf comes to your door.

I seriously doubt we would be foot dragging if this was a 16 year old girl and the guilty party was you.

Already checked that out, all is ok there.

I think you're deluding yourself about the absence of criminal liability (Who did you check with - the DA?), but I know you have ZERO protection from civil liability, when OM's "Mommy" gets her uncle, "Whiplash Willie" to pursue monetary damages for the "pain and suffering" she and her family endured after finding out that sonny-boy was getting his horn regularly honked by WW.

It seems that your mind is set against exposure, and you simply want to chat with us here about it, to provide cover ("Well I did what I could - I contacted Marriage Builders!").

It is your marriage. We have no power here to compel you to save it.

BTW: PDC tried to "reason" her out of renewing contact (as you are) and failed (as you probably will). His wife ended up doing six months hard time after reconnecting with her "boy-toy".

BY ACTION, ACCOUNTABILITY, & HONESTY!

^This!

I see this more often than it should be--women treated differently than men. Do you think your wife/friends would cover for you if you were sleeping with a teenage girl.

Look, there is something psychologically, emotionally, and mentally wrong with an adult that will connect on that intimate level with a teenager. At what point are you going to at least step in and tackle this before it happens again. What if the boy was 15 or 14...would you still be dragging your feet? What if it wasn't a boy? What if it was a girl?

LL,

I just read an article in the news about a bishop who is going on trial for not reporting cases of molestation. You wife has molested a child. How old is she by the way?

If you love your kids, you will trust them. Trust them enough to tell them and allow your wife to suffer the consequences of her sin. I told my three teens about their mom's 2 a's. It was very hard. We did it. We lived through it. My kids love their recovered mom and me both and our family is stronger now with a policy of complete openness and honesty... Wouldn't you like that instead of lying to your children?

CV

So you know that some bratty kid in school IS going to tell them. Perhaps OM himself. There could be pictures of their mother in school for all you know. But you are going to let them hear about it that way because you are scared about YOU?

Your kids need the truth for protection. They will be pi55ed at you for lying to them, not telling the truth. The longer you lie to them, the worse they will (rightfully) blame you.



I dont mean to minimise your fears (as I had them too) but everyone thinks that the kids cant handle it and that dads will get violent.

However the usual human response to a problem or tragedy is to group together and support.

In fact the worst response you will get is lack of support - oh and the bat55it crazy response of the waywards of course.

Were you REALLY planning on keeping this boys actions a secret from his parents - REALLY?

What if it was your child? Would you want to know?

But if we're going to role play - put yourself in your kids shoes, knowing something is very wrong but having to figure out what on your own?

Going to school with the guy whose doing your mother - and then finding out your father ALLOWED this without giving you any heads up or warning.

Please take charge, expose in a straightforward and dignified manner before this all blows up in your face.

We can get you an exposure letter. You are very late and should waste no time

Far from this being a 'no exposure' case I dont think Ive seen a more urgent need FOR exposure.

As per usual the 'reasons' not to do it are all based on the BSs fear of how he will be perceived.

LL, I can only assume by reading into this comment that you live in a state where the age of consent excludes your WW from criminal charges. However, that does not exclude her from civil charges.

My concern at this point is that she may be sued in a civil court of law for legal redress of intentional infliction of emotional distress or gross sexual imposition. How will you explain this to your children? You need to understand that this is a possible consequence of your WW's actions. You can't make this possibility go away.

Ok, I hear you all. I must first protect everything that I have built up for my kids, business', assests, etc. If they would sue I could lose A LOT! My lawyer is in the process of protecting what is ours. I will probably have to divorce. It is right for the circumstance, this can't happen to another and who am I to say it won't. Problem is that it will have to be kept secrect for a good 3 months, yet.

I do need to expose, but I MUST protect my family first(kids and I).
God bless you all. As tears roll down my cheek I thank you all and wish you all the very best. I want to continue this thread, but want you all to know how thankful I am for your concern.

Good night everyone.

Why must you protect property? No one can sue you for telling the truth....How long will that take?

In the meantime it could all blow up in school and damage your relationship with your children forever.

I think you are very afraid of exposure and are stalling.

Totally agree! It won't take three months to protect property in most cases. Look at the very least, tell your kids.

Where is your wife in all this? is she repentant? Are you willing to work on recovering your marriage? if not, why?

CV

Is the 3-month wait because that's how long it takes to get a divorce? I think you're taking a huge gamble here and this will very likely come back to bite you-- financially, personally and publicly. I also believe that the strategy your attorney is taking may be wrong but it's hard to say without more details. I don't see how a divorce will make you judgement proof, especially if it comes out later that you were complicit in your silence after the fact.

I'm so sorry your family is going through this.

Did you see this post, LL? I hope you take my advice and stop this crazy plan. Not only are setting a precedent that will likely result in you not getting your home, but you are rewarding your wife by staying in this apartment. She should be the one to suffer, not you.

Wow Lucky Lad you are right. It is bad. Look you need to protect yourself and your kids. Yes your wife could be sued so you need to do whatever your lawyer tells you to do so that you can protect your assets.

Having said that I would not protect her from what she has done. She has put everything that you have built at risk. That is the most important thing you can do for your family. Have you decided what to do about your marriage?

What has your wife told you about why she did this? I am really sorry this is really bad. My heart goes out to your family.

If they sue her they sue me, money wise. They could take millions and that would destroy everything that we have built.

I am meeting with two Pastors today(for another opinion) and my lawyer.

It shouldn't, CV, but you know how things can go. She really isn't showing repentance. But maybe I want to se more.

I did read your post, Melody. I don't see it as a reward for her but for the kids. She was a SAHM and with them more than I was as I worked too much and hid behind work cause I could do that well and felt like I was not a good husband or father. I just don't want the kids to hurt any more than they have to.

This started with talking(EA) as she was "lonely", so was I. Then it developed into PA. I didn't talk to her about "just stuff", it was always about business, the kids, or our marriage.

I will get more info from my lawyer today and see what he says. May have to divorce and explain to her and the kids that it is to protect our businesses.

Guess this shoots down my chances of ever becoming President. ;-)