It's done.

Thank you

Well thanks to you all. I found the proof I needed I hacked into his work email and recovered days of deleted sent emails. He had been having an emotional affair with someone at work and this had come out on 10/8/11. WH talked to OW and told her all things must stop which appeared to have stopped for a couple days. Well things ramped up again in the last couple days and that is the emails I discovered. WH and I talked til almost 3am. Very frustrated as he thinks he can do both EA and recover the marriage. He thinks that if things are going well with he and I that he will just stop communicating with OW. After facing him with the facts that I can't compete with an onging EA and that our marriage doesn't have a chane until the EA is ended once and for all.

I emailed the OW this morning and told her to stop all communication with WH. She of course emailed me back and said she understands and never inteneded for this to hurt anyone. Respects my wishes and hopes we can rebuild our life. Of course she copied WH on her email. I told boh OW and WH that if I suspect anything or see anything I will expose all to the OW's husband and their company. I have significant copies f all inappropriate emails that will demonstrate clearly for OW's husband and the company. WH husband says he has talked to OW yet again about ceasing all inappriopriate communications. The problem is they have to work together occassionally. They are not in the same building but do see each other 1 or 2 times a week in meetings. They also do have to communicate occassionally regarding work related issues via email. I don't know what to do next other than keep monitoring him. I don't know how to keep moving forward. WH is afraid to trust me, afraid to trust that this could work and loose his potential for the single life and is chronically confused. I have told him numerous times if the OW were out his life there would be no confusion. There would be the reality of he and I working on our relationship. The confusion would disipate and he will come to see clearly what it is our life can be or not be.

Please help!! What are my next steps?

And this is what you will face if they continue to work together, they won't be able to stay away from each other and your WH will continue to be apathetic towards you and the M.

Regardless of whether you want to R the M or not, you need to let OWH know, because it's the RIGHT thing to do.

But in order to R your M, you are going to have to expose your H's As to family, friends and this current one to the workplace. One of them is going to have to leave the job. They can't ever be around each other without endangering your M again.

Read My Lips: No Contact Means No Contact

sorry RMK this didnt work before and now you know they are communicating again.

You are only threatening exposure- you have to do it. it only took a few days for them to start up again.

If you do not act on this it will not stop, why beacuse you just made him sit in the corner for a time out.

ps- dont talk to her any more!

I hope you realize now that your H is, infact, very capable of covering his tracks and being dishonest. You won't find anything incriminating in the work email anymore now that he knows you are checking it.



Do not even entertaining this type of fogbabble. He is the equivalent of a falling down drunk and trying to reason with him about the importance of NC is basically a lovebuster. What does work? Exposure and demanding NC (in this case, leaving the job).

I asked you in my first post who you exposed to and I don't believe you ever answered. Were any of his affairs ever exposed to anybody?

Do you have kids? If so how many and their ages?

Kids 18 and 15. The Physical affair that first brought this all to light has been exposed to friends, family and our kids. This lates Emotional Affair discovery has been exposed to his friend, me and our neighbor. Just happened yesterday so wasn't sure how to proceed from here.

Please do not do anything else without advice from us first.

I'm not sure about the wisdom of writing to OW. I do know that threatening calls to OPs have sometimes worked here, but usually only with some other back-up, such as exposure to OP's spouse.

Your H's OW has just lied through her teeth about not meaning for this to happen - it didn't happen without her free will - and has said what she needed to say to reassure you and get you off her back. OWs have no respect for the wives of their boyfriends, or the marriage. If she'd had any respect for you or your marriage she would never have become "friends" with him in the first place.

You have also made a GIANT mistake by threatening to expose if you see any other evidence. What do you think they are going to do now? Stop the affair? Hand the evidence to you on a plate? No: they won't they will go deeper underground.

Why do you think this is only an EA? If they are in physical contact with each other, what makes you think that your H would have been happy with mere soppy talk? Men enter into affairs for sex, and your H has had a sexual affair before. Is there something in the emails that positively said "we have not had sex (yet)"?

I am going to expose any way. Just wanted to make her a little uncomfortable. Getting the OWH information now. Not sure if I should expose this to work too as that could hold legal ramifications for me and WH. I am doing the best I can at navigating this. No one has posted for quite a few days and this came at me at 11pm last night so I did what came to mind.

No nothing about no physical affair in the emails just his words. Which don't mean much.

What are they?

They work in the mental health field. She is a social worker PCC and he is the CFO.

I'm not seeing any reason here to refrain from exposing at work. Exposure will pose no legal ramifications.

Affairs, on the other hand, can result in a sexual harassment lawsuit. ESPECIALLY if you sit on your hands and allow it to continue. There may come a time when your WH tires of this ho and drops her. Guess what she'll be able to do to get back at him?

File a sexual harassment lawsuit.

You didn't have an affair. Any legal ramifications would be between your husband and his girlfriend and are a natural consequence of doing something stupid. It's his fault. Period.

Expose this to the employer.

A condition for your staying in the marriage should be that one of them leaves the job. Please don't waver on that as the affair will continue as long as they see each other. Sorry, it's just a fact of life.

How do I find her husband for sure. I have done people finders and white pages and there are so many addresses that I am not sure which one is right. What do I send to his employer? An email, a letter what exactly.

Try www.intellius.com Plug her name into the search box and see what you get. It will bring back her name as well as associated names. Work from there. www.pipl.com may be helpful, as well.

When you are ready to expose the A at their workplace, we have a workplace exposure letter that we can give you to personalize. Keep working on gathering your exposure list.

Yes send me the letter please. I have the contact information there.

I used both of these and they list all the same addresses I have. Sorry to be needy I am just not sure how to negotiate this. Rmk

Do you have any idea where she lives? What type of car she drives? It might take riding by a few houses to get it right.

If you do have an address, but cannot find a listing, check your county's property tax website. Many jurisdictions have online search engines where you can search tax rolls by property owner or just by the address. Maybe you can get a name, then.

Otherwise, hiring a PI may be worthwhile.