TR,

Contacting OM may not only get you lies

That's fine get enough lies and the truth is the only thing NOT said, more data is better data.

but break NC between OM and WW

Already broke, think about 5 or so years age, when we saw him and his W and kid. He exhibited very protective body language around his child.

One downside I do see to contacting OM is that I will likely have to agree not to retaliate,and I will honor that agreement.

OM may call to ask WW what facts she told you so their stories match.

Good, that's an important piece of evidence in itself. Besides which the chaos of trying to get their stories straight will creat more confusion.

I understand you wanting questions answered. I have been left over thirty years wondering. Now I tell myself what's the point. Sometimes telling myself that works.

Are you still with your W?

God Bless
Gamma

yes

TheRoad,

And how do you feel about your W now? Are you temped to D? How does your W feel about her A?

Did you ever speak with the OM or OMW?

God Bless
Gamma

Never got his identity.

So never had contact with OM.

Great wife. She's not happy she did it. Maybe she's more wished it never happened from my view. Refuses to talk about it. Conversations that took place were so brief that never got into what she felt, thought, then, afterwards.

No reason to D.

Wife minimized story. Every four or five years for twenty five years something would cause that time to be recalled and W would throw out a few answers then not talk anymore.

So each time I learnt that the extent of what took place was more then I had been told before. If you did the calculations you concluded this happend about five times.

Pre MB days.

TheRoad,

Never got his identity. So never had contact with OM.

How on earth do you live with that? Do you even know if OM was married at the time, how do you live with these implicit lies.

God Bless
Gamma

Maybe this is why the questions never have gone away. Tired off to sleep.

Oh. Road. This tells me volumes about your posts. (I'm not saying that's totally a bad thing, don't get me wrong.)

What's the chance your wife would come here?

No Chance.

TheRoad,

I kinda get that your W would never come here, I showed my W this site and she just didn't get it. She does mention this site every so often in her prayers however, so go figure.

With my W she is very much about protecting OM2, perhaps even more so because he is younger than her, she even still sees him as a good person. Generally too she is VERY concerned about being in the wrong and has a difficult time admitting to fault. Do you think your W is working along these lines?

I think because I ignored/was stupid about what was going on back then, and for years later buried my feelings, it fixed my W's view of that time period. It become ideal an unrealized chance for perfection, but a very happy time at the least. I also think the fact that the A seemed to have no effect on me reinforced those feelings.

God Bless
Gamma

Gamma, why WWs won't disclose the what why who where when and how.

They can feel bad about what happened and don't want to remember, face it, admit to it.

They are protecting them self.

They are protecting the OM.

They think they are protecting the BH.

Maybe remembering recalling telling about the affair is a form of breaking NC. Their memories trigger the addictive feelings for the OM. So another reason for the WW to surpress their memories.

So the WW surpresses these memories till they are blocked. Easy for them to do because the matter was closd by them. They have no unanwsered questions always probing their minds to find probale answers.

They stayed with the BH, their needs are being met, the don't need a OM any more, meeting their BH needs, why can't their BH just be quiet and be happy is what goes through their mind.

WWs I think feel that their not leaving why does the BH insist on rocking the boat?

I guess it comes down to what is easier. Tell or not tell.

TheRoad,

They stayed with the BH, their needs are being met, the don't need a OM any more, meeting their BH needs, why can't their BH just be quiet and be happy is what goes through their mind.

Nice compact summary, I think it's the lack of empathy or understanding that keeps me in the game. One thing she has never done is apologize. If truth is like food then our W's keep trying to feed us by giving us clothing.

WWs I think feel that their not leaving why does the BH insist on rocking the boat?

Lol my W's version of that is, "but I stayed with you", talk about getting punched in the gut.

God Bless
Gamma

Respect to the two of you. If my FWW didn't divulge who the OM was at the time of D-Day, we would have likely ended up separated or divorced.

Nothing to respect. Wife is a great wife and mom. Just that her refusing to tell me about that time is what she thinks is the best way to go.

I think she senses a partial wall. But her need to not talk is the same as mine to hear.

Thing is if she was able to provide me with all that I wanted to know I don't know how it would affect me. Then what if she told me more then I wanted to know? Can't un ask, can't un tell, can't un hear.

I would hate to find out everything when I hit 80 and kick the bucket at 81 without having enough life left to process the information.

Is it not knowing how I would react keeping me from pushing from what happened, most likely.

MIM,

Sorry to confuse, but I "know" with my estimates on probability..

WHO(OM2) 95%, could also be a 2nd OM2.2 at the same workplace strong WW body language about that one, but was only a one time thing so she uses a special rule to erase that one.

WHAT 5%, won't admit to anything it wasn't an emotional affair it wasn't a physical affair, umm so what was it?!

WHERE 65%, I think it was mostly at work, but I know she was at OMs place too, not sure they would have bothered to drive to our place.

WHEN 75%, I remember the key dates with reasonable accuracy.

WHY 45%, she gives me contradictory reasons every time she speaks of why.

HOW 25%. Since she never speaks about WHAT this one is mostly unknown too.

Funny thing too, on Monday I figured out where OM2 lives for the longest while I had an address, but could NEVER see any life there. On Monday though I noticed signs of one of his hobbies that had slipped my mind, this was the key to finding him on the internet, hobby related sites, which allowed me to confirm his address. I still have to figure out which vehicle is his.

Best to visit when his W is home or not?

God Bless
Gamma