And you have graduated up to a loveless affair. Way to go! This loser is only along for the free nook until something better comes along. Just accept it. You volunteered for it.

I didn't say that you went with the OM. From your previous message, it appears that you went with the intent of trying to build a relationship with your OM, not recover your relationship with your XH. Am I correct? If so, my statement stands.

i didn't have to tell you the truth about the circumstances of the relationship. it would have been very easy to keep that to myself. apparently the concept of the policy of radical honesty has eluded some people on this forum. i know why women end up in affairs, and it is typically for completely different reasons than men.

you don't know me, you don't know the horrible existence i had in my marriage, you don't know all the years i struggled to make that work, you don't know the lengths i went to to improve it and make it work....you don't know anything about me. i DID "fall" into this marriage, JUST like someone missing a pothole. EXACTLY like that. i didn't see it coming. i didn't plan it. i was at the bottom of the barrel and all alone in so many ways.

all i know is that jesus drew a line in the sand and everyone dropped their stones.

you're right on all fronts.

9 years
3285 days
78,840 hours

Bless your heart.

My dear, we do know you. You are different, just like all the others.

You know, you answered your own question.
Here is the answer.........


TaDa !!
Problem solved.
You're welcome.

Of course you didn't, but you get better advice when you are honest about the situation. Do you want help, or did you want to post a fake story so you could feel good about yourself?


Seriously, lady, nobody is stoning you. Do you want help?

You've messed up in at least two relationships. Would you like some help with that? Or are you here to help everybody else be more like Jesus?

If you previous marriage was soooooo bad why didn't you divorce your husband?????


CARMA!!!!

Your use of scripture to shut others up seems far too convenient and more than a little hypocritical. Its obvious you haven't been using scripture in your own life so your use of it now is more than a little hypocritial. Did you catch the one about "thou shalt not commit adultery?" Hiding behind one scripture unfortunately leaves you at odds with other scripture.

You are on the wrong board to get help for your affair. This forum is for marriages, not affairs.

Did you learn anything?

Do you understand it now?

But if you are serious about wanting help, I will give it to you:


Stop being a hypocrite and expecting the OM to have any more regard for faithfulness than you do. You can't demand a standard from him that you don't practice. You condone adultery and so does he. He is simply doing what you did, moving onto the next honey when something better comes along. He is just as entitled as you are.

Accept that you made a mistake and have wasted 9 good years of your life putting out for a bum who has no respect for you and no respect for marriage. He never will. Even if you did get this bum to marry you [unlikely] your marriage is doomed. Affairages have an astronmical divorce rate.

Dump this guy and do what you can regain your lost honor. Find a man who treats women with respect.

Finnigan, this is upsetting to everyone on the forum for obvious reasons. I can understand what you are saying, and I am sorry for you that you clearly are weak when it comes to relationships. This man is clearly no better for you than your husband was, and probably worse since he seems to have taken advantage of you when you were in a very vulnerable place. As a woman who has been betrayed, I know how you feel and I can imagine you are overwhelmed by guilt on many fronts.

My advice to you is to do what it takes to get out of this relationship before you lose another 9 years of your life. This man has shown you repeatedly that he cannot be faithful. Why struggle with him any more? It will only lead to another affair, whether you are married to him or not.

I'm guessing you have been trying to get this guy to commit to you for years. Don't kid yourself - he will NOT. He seems to be used to getting his way, and when you crossed paths he took advantage of you. I know women don't typically run out looking for affairs; **edit** I empathize with you. I'm sorry you have had such terrible relationships. But honey, realize this one is not better than what you had. Maybe it's better in some ways, but clearly it is not healthy in so many others.

Sorry for your pain. Try to find the strength to get out, before he takes another 9 years from you.

Find a SINGLE MAN.

finnigan, I would like to point out that the reason you have such poor relationships with men is because of poor judgment. This is not an accident. Just as your poor judgment wrecked your marriage, it wrecked your life by choosing to have an affair. An affair is NEVER a good choice. Hooking up with a guy who has no respect for marriage leads to the exact situation you are in. As you have learned the hard way.

The first step in changing your life is to take some ownership of your bad choices. Women CAN BE accountable for their poor choices; truly. It is not ALL the fault of those evil ole bad MEN.

And the reason that people on this forum are upset is because adultery *IS* offensive to decent people. It is offensive to see it justified. One does not have to have been a victim of adultery to recognize that it is a despicable and loathesome crime. That is simply a sign of basic decency.

So why didn't you get a divorce, if things were so 'horrible'?

+1

Your marriage or your affair?
The pattern is the same.
You stay (for YEARS) trying to fix a man who does not want to change.
You get no 'Brownie Points' for this.
This does not make you loyal or faithful.
This makes you foolish.