I wish you luck.

This is not an easy road, and I was hesitant at first, it does need to be done.

I wish you luck and godspeed. Doing the right thing is rarely easy but always worth it.

Well, my parents took it well. Told my wife I told them and she did not take it well. Sounds like my kids will have a broken family. I can show them what good love is about though.

wife is pi$$ed. We all support her and want to help, but she wants something else. She wants to wait 6 months, I'm thinking the end of the yr, then she can take care of her own books/taxes.

I must be a real piece of crap if she can't decide between family and herself.

And they say "water boarding" is bad? Walk in the park compared to this bs.(no, not betrayed spouse)

God does not waste a hurt.

When are you going to tell that boy's parents?

Exactly.

LL? The boy's parents are 100% priority.

LL, how did the boys parents and your sons take it? That is my main concern. I am not concerned in the least about your wife. My sympathy goes out to your boys and the other boys parents.

Also, did you see my post about not leaving your home? That would be a strategically bad move. If she wants to separate, I would help her pack her bags and tell her bye-bye.

You are doing great, but please give us a report on the boy's parents and your own sons. That is the main concern.

What you have been offering is not support at all, but a form of ENABLING. You have helped her be a bad person. That is not a demonstration of love.


Basically, you don't have a marriage right now and haven't for some time. A big part of the problem is that you have such low standards that she is simply living down to your expectations. She knows you are so desperate that she can do anything and you will beg for more. That has to change if you want to have a marriage. But right now, you don't have a marriage. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Set her down and explain to her that you want to have a romantic, loving, SAFE marriage and that you are not willing to settle for less and won�t stay in a loveless marriage. Tell her you are willing to give her an opportunity to earn your forgiveness. In order for the marriage to recover, certain things have to happen. This is what it will take to keep you interested:

1. no more nights apart or going out without each other - create a healthy, integrated lifestyle

2. complete transparency - cell phone passwords, etc

3. no more opposite sex friendships

4. complete honesty about her affair<s> � passing a polygraph

5. commit to a program of recovery that restores the romantic love in your marriage

Tell her "this is what it will take to keep me in this marriage." Whether your marriage ends up with success or failure will depend almost entirely on her willingness and ability to make radical changes. Her lifestyle must become absolutely transparent, holding nothing back. She is in no position to negotiate when it comes to extraordinary precautions, because those precautions are designed to prevent another affair and help you feel safe. She must also meet your emotional needs in a way that until now she has failed. Unless she makes a 180 degree turn in her approach to what it means to be a wife, your marriage won't recover, it will be a crippled version of your pre-affair marriage.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking this approach, because if she won't do these things, you will have lost nothing except a loveless, abusive marriage.

She wants to wait 6 months

Wait for WHAT, exactly?

This is symptomatic of your entire balled-up approach to the problem, sir!

YOU are to be setting the paradigms of what is to happen - the process, the schedule, the checkpoints, the expected results, and the decision loci as to whether to proceed.

Yielding to her even her THOUGHTS about deciding on the steps forward yet again empowers her in her self-entitled fantasy-world. ARGGHHHHHHH!

Barkeep - another double! And leave the bottle!

The wayward does not get to dictate the terms here. You set the terms and she either gets on board here or she needs to get out. You already have that apartment and I think that is perfect for her. Your wife is a messed up, selfish person who has been allowed to control and destroy your marriage and your family. She should not be allowed to drive anymore.

Praying, LuckyLad.

There are unanswered questions above. I think you know they are very important.

LL, listen to MB, ML, and NG.....they are as consistent with the advice as any on this thread.

You have to tell the OM ( boy ) parents..... They need to know so they can help him.

You know that the spouse's reaction to exposure is always rage and is irrelevant at this point because it doesn't predict anything, right? Just thought I'd mention that.

The BS always comes back and says "my marriage is over!" because the WS is enraged. The WS is pretty much always enraged and says it's over. Even the WS's who recover do that!

Finish the exposure, LuckyLad.

Praying for the boy.

LL, please understand that exposure just brings what is already there to light. Her feelings, how angry she is, the fact she has been fence sitting in the marriage, everything. It was all there before exposure. It is the first part of ridding your marriage of the cancerous infection of adultery. It scabbed over but wasn't healing. You just ripped the scab off to see the infection for what it was, now start treating it.

BTW, tell the kid's parents... It's part of that infection... A HUGE part.


CV

When you expose to WS family, how do they typically take it? How should I approach her parents? Face to face or over the phone? FtoF is more meaningful, imho, but I don't know. The A is over, it is just to help her out, right? I don't want people to think that I am doing this to hurt my kids and wife, so how do I word it?

Thanks

Are you doing this together with your WW? There's really no 'typical' way a wayward's family takes exposure. They'll support WW or they won't. They'll be shocked, or they won't. It depends on them.

When are you exposing the A to the child's parents?

Have you told the boys parents? Have you told your sons?

Why are you dragging this out?

Lucky Lad, Please listen to these wonderful people on here.
I have a step son, if something like this were to happen to him, I would definitely want and need to know.
That boy is going to need support from his family wether he knows it or not.
Please please please do not delay any longer.
I will say a prayer for you today.

I would do this:

I would call them and ask if you can meet them without the boy, and don't bring your wife.

I would sit down with them and tell them that there is a serious [problem that you need help with. That your wife had been sleeping with their underage son for X amount of time and you caught her. Explain how you found out, the details that you know. Explain to them that you have put boundaries in place and ask them to help you maintain those boundaries on their end (no contact). Don't ask them or plead with them in regards to repercussions for your wife (unless they are threatening her physically). Be open and honest.

CV