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Getting nutty.

Probably because wedding anniversary is this month.

Not looking forward to it.


Need a mental health MB vacation.


Soldier on...


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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...wedding anniversary is this month. Not looking forward to it.

When the Titanic hit the iceberg, the sea was calm, and the air temperature was moderate. Most of the hundreds of people who died did so from the effects of immersion in the frigid Atlantic because there was insufficient room in the too-few lifeboats. The ship took over an hour to sink. Four hours later, rescue vessels started arriving.

In an hour, how many crude rafts of wooden deck chairs, dining room tables, wooden panelling, etc, tied together with lashings of ripped sheets and other line, could have been fashioned, enough to keep four or five people from immersion for those four hours? Ten? Fifty? One hundred? So several hundred people died needlessly because no one did what could have been done.

(Is there a point to this, NG?) grumble

Trip, you can materially blunt the effect of the recurring discomfort of a wedding anniversary from an ultimately "flawed" marriage. I did, and, even ignoring the analgesic effect on the BS's psyche, the renewal ceremony stands by itself as a beacon of commitment to going forward.

Think about it.

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Thanks NG.

I'm not there... yet.

Have to dial down forum interaction. It costs mental and emotional currency I can't afford to spend at this time. Heck, it costs time I don't have to spend.

Luckily, my current job is laid back, and NGB has been hanging out with me between patient calls on my light nights.

This will change after the new year, and I will be seeking a weekend double position, which will give me 5 days off each week.

Things should be prepped to apply for my bridge program next fall - then after that we will be looking to relocate closer to the MHPNP program I am interested in - as well as several other institutions with varying ARNP programs.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Erp!

Add to the list; NGB will begin joining me in Judo next week!

Should be a blast! She's excited.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Finding recreational activities to pursue together is a great idea! We picked choir... but they moved rehearsals from Sunday night to Thursday nights, and I think we need to pick another activity because I can't do it about half the time, and the other half the time my wife will be late to it.


Doormat_No_More
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Original thread lost in the forum purge of '09.
4 months after D-Day
1 year after D-Day
Two Years Later
Four Years Later
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NGB's 22-year-old sister passed away on October 7th due to the progression of her childhood disease.

Yesterday was her memorial service.

The week she passed, NGB and I had been at the hospital with her and the family while she road a medical condition roller coaster. We had come home the day before she passed, and when we left she was awake and stable. The passed the next morning.

DD4 hasn't been fazed by any of it. DD11 was shattered. DD13... was "trying to be strong." When we returned from the hospital that week, I told her that being strong only meant that you delay your grief and that you do not deny it.

Yesterday, at the service, I reminded her of this. I told her; "Remember, I told you that you only delay your grief. Do not deny it. Don't hold on to it. Today is the day to let go."


Later that day I found my words posted on DD's wall on Facebook followed with a "I love my Daddy."

Man... how do you NOT swell to bursting after a day like that?



"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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HHH:

Sorry to hear about your family's loss. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great advice to your DD13.

Well done.

SP


Me: 47
BH: 48, previously married
Married: Nov. 27, 2004
DDay: Nov. 13, 2010
Kids: stepsons DS17 and DS13
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Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
NGB's 22-year-old sister passed away on October 7th due to the progression of her childhood disease.

Yesterday was her memorial service.


Later that day I found my words posted on DD's wall on Facebook followed with a "I love my Daddy."

Man... how do you NOT swell to bursting after a day like that?

HUgs to you all. prayers are with you


Celtic Voyager
Married 22+ years
3 young adult children


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HHH, I am so sorry to hear about your family's loss.

I love your advice to your DD. Very true...I for one have been holding onto my grief. Denial? I don't know. That's a whole 'nother thread (and I suppose an update is in order for me at some point).

I had a similar moment yesterday related to my oldest DD. Had a parent-teacher conference. Her teacher was talking about how the class had gone on a field trip, and they passed a prison, and DD#1 said, "My mommy's been there!" Apparently the parent chaperone sitting nearby was a bit shocked. wink Anyway her teacher said that DD#1 was obviously proud of me and what I do, and...well, I was just so touched by that. Just made me think of how I looked up to my parents, it was a lesson on how my daughters look up to H and I as well, and how despite how miserably in my life I have failed my daughters, that love is so amazing.

Strengthens my resolve to never let them down again.


FWW

"Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough." ~ Earl Wilson
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Thanks all... You may have to keep it coming.

The week NGB's sister was dying, her mother was going through a respiratory infection. They did a chest x-ray to check for infection and found masses in her lungs.

The biopsy was Friday, and results will get back this week.

This coming Friday, my mom's husband will be going in to repair an 80% blockage in his carotid artery.

NGB is a mess, keeps getting the cart before the horse, imagining her mother dying from cancer, stating she doesn't know how she would get through it.

I read her the "This Too Shall Pass" article from AoM, and talked about how when imagining such bad events, we don't imagine everything else that will happen in our lives. And, I talked to her about my own grief, and how I have progressed through loss, and how life goes on after being dealt the most painful blow I could ever imagine in my life.

I mentioned how a you never really regain that hole that a great loss leaves inside you, but how it eventually dominates your thoughts less and less, and you learn how to go on with that loss.

I have a tendency to be stoic, but as ol' Clint Eastwood stated "A man's got to know his limitations."

There were cracks in the damn at the service for NGB's sister. I did not grieve for her, though she was rather young. I grieved for my FIL, for my wife, for my SIL and BIL.

I took a moment to share, as others had. Many talked about her smile. I confirmed this, and added that they had forgotten her eye roll, and that her smile was just the icing on the cake - it was her laugh. It was infectious, and once you heard it, you went to work to set her laughing so you could hear it again. I mentioned how she was much like her older sister, and how I had referred to her as SIL Jr. As I told DD13, it was the day to grieve, and a day to remember.


And now... no I return to steel-form. Now I am to be the rock in these trying times. Safety. Light.

Now I return to... oh, what was that word leveled at me? Ah... arrogance.

Not a word I fear. It was the thing NGB said made me attractive. Something I lost some time ago.

I prefer cocky.

"They say I'm cocky. And I say, what? It's not braggin' [explicative deleted] if you back it up!"


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
HoldHerHand #2564805 11/16/11 03:55 PM
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Let's see...

MIL doesn't have lung cancer... (may have an auto-immune disease, though)

Step-dad made it through his surgery...

New; SIL has a strange mass that has to be checked out...


Fun stuff; did a Myers-Briggs Personality test and came out ENTP.

Quote
"Clever" is the word that perhaps describes ENTPs best. The professor who juggles half a dozen ideas for research papers and grant proposals in his mind while giving a highly entertaining lecture on an abstruse subject is a classic example of the type. So is the stand-up comedian whose lampoons are both funny and incisively accurate.

ENTPs are usually verbally as well as cerebrally quick, and generally love to argue--both for its own sake, and to show off their debating skills. ENTPs tend to have a perverse sense of humor as well, and enjoy playing devil's advocate. This sometimes confuses, even angers, those who don't understand or accept the concept of argument as a sport.

ENTPs are as innovative and ingenious at problem-solving as they are at verbal gymnastics; on occasion, however, they manage to outsmart themselves. ENTPs can be prone to "sharp practice" � especially cutting corners without regard to the rules if it's expedient � or, their juggling acts may simply be so over-ambitious they collapse.

Both at work and at home, ENTPs are very fond of "toys" -- physical or intellectual, the more sophisticated the better. Once these have been "solved" or become too familiar, however, they�ll be replaced with new ones.

ENTPs are basically optimists, but in spite of this (perhaps because of it?), they can become petulant about small setbacks and inconveniences. (Major setbacks they regard as challenges, and tackle with determination.) ENTPs have little patience with those they consider wrongheaded or unintelligent, and show little restraint in demonstrating this. In general, however, they are genial, even charming, when not being harassed by life.

In terms of their relationships with others, ENTPs are capable of bonding very closely and suddenly with their loved ones. Some appear deceptively offhand with their nearest and dearest; others are so demonstrative that they succeed in shocking co-workers who've only seen their professional side. ENTPs are also quick to spot a kindred spirit, and good at acquiring friends of similar temperament and interests.

ENTPs may sometimes give the impression of being largely oblivious to the rest of humanity except as an audience: good, bad, or potential. In general this is unfair � but it can be difficult to get an ENTP�s attention when they�re not immediately aware of you, especially for an Introvert.

The best approach in communicating with an ENTP is to be straightforward. No games � they�ll win. No "pulling rank" � they�ll just want to put you in your place. No apologies � you�ll undermine yourself. Try "I need/want to talk to you."


Now... reading that, I can see a lot of those things going on in my own thought patterns and behaviors. Especially a lot in that last paragraph.

However... a big however... I think about how easily we accept generalized statements. I wonder if Jung could have had just as successful a career as a cold reader as John Edward...



"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
HoldHerHand #2567053 11/22/11 01:39 PM
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2 this week.

We lost 2 residents, and both left behind a spouse. One bereaved husband, one bereaved wife.

The wife I risked my job for, because she had no way to get to the hospital while her husband was coding in the ER, and I took her... and we didn't make it in time... and I had to leave her there alone...

The woman who passed was one of my favorites. A retired nurse, and her and her husband were always checking on my progress while I was going through school. It also turned out that she was related to me through my paternal grandmother.

Death is something that happens where I work. Not as often as full-blown nursing homes, but it happens. I've only ever made the discovery once. That was a few weeks ago.

I've seen the progress of Alzheimer's and Dementia separate couples with 60 or 70 years of marriage, and that is even more devastating than death.

Though, I've also watched man who lost his wife suddenly succumb to a massive proliferation of cancer 6 months after she passed. As if he held his body together with sheer will until he knew she would be safe.

I saw my grandfather do this, as well. He held on until he and grandma were safe living with my aunt, and then he called it in 2 weeks before his 98th birthday. It's been almost 5 years since, and grandma is still kicking at 100.

I've seen interdependence; the development of two lives so involved with each other, they become like two trees whose roots have become so entangled that they are now one life.


What I've never heard was; "It was easy."

One of my residents told me about her late husband's 15-year bout with alcoholism, and how it made him "Useless in any way that a man can be useful." There was an added "If you know what I mean."

Sigh. ED. I didn't need to know that!

I can't imagine enduring 15 years like that... she eventually kicked his butt and got him sobered up... long enough to squeak out a couple good years before the years of damage caught up.

I also have one poor woman who could never keep a husband alive. 4 of them, and each and every one up and keeled over on her.


There is a lot to see working with and caring for the elderly on a daily basis. It can inspire you, or it can break your heart. You laugh, you cry. You have hope and know defeat. You will empowered and utterly helpless.

And some days?


Some days it's just a day.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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We watched it happen to my dad. COPD, dementia, and emphysema. He knew the oxygen tube was important somehow but wasn't there enough to know how to put it back in.

I think he held it together long enough for me to get my family moved back to Dallas. After that his decline was rapid. Seeing the kids was a constant source of joy for him and I was happy he got that. He didn't last a year after we moved out here.

When we knew he was going and we were saying our goodbyes, I think he waited for me. He passed the day after my visit.

Hospice workers are a blessing. They gave my mom a break and let my dad have a measure of dignity for his last three weeks.


Me - 44
DW - 39
Married 16 years
DS10
DS6
DD4
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So, looking at a new job prospect as the wellness nurse at a memory care unit (Alzheimer's/Dementia).

Perceived cons; doesn't pay as well as a skilled nursing facility, hands-on experience isn't as good as skilled nursing or hospital experience.

Pros; I enjoy both mental health and elder care. Its a monday-Friday 8-5 type job. Gives leadership experience. Large company may have "perks" for continuing ed, as well as transfer opportunities.


NGB is probably more excited than I am based on the schedule alone. The pay hit stinks, but is offset with everything else.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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FiretrUCK today.

/salute


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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What's up, Trip?

If you'd rather not chat publicly, send the Mods an e-mail, and ask them to forward it to me.

NeverGuessed #2590062 01/26/12 08:25 AM
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2 year mark, brother. To the day. And burying grandma Saturday.
Working stupid night shift. Today can kiss my Lilly white... You get the point.

I'll survive.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
HoldHerHand #2590066 01/26/12 08:39 AM
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You're a better, stronger man than you were two years ago.
Your marriage is measurably better.
You know that you have within you strengths of character and fidelity that you may have only suspected previously.
You have offered support and help to others in pain and without hope.

Admittedly, the method of delivery of these improvements is not what we would have preferred, but:

There is nothing so exhilerating as being shot at, without effect! - Winston Spencer Churchill

NeverGuessed #2590076 01/26/12 09:18 AM
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3XH,

2 Years is the figurative and calenderive (?) marking point for real recovery per what Im told.

Life has dealt us some lemons and for some of us they continue to be delivered by the truckload, make some lemonade. Too cliche'?

Be strong.

mss


Life keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the fuuuu-ture.
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Thanks, gents.

Night shifts are BAD for me. Too much time with not enough to do, and it's me and 1 other employee on premises.

The aforementioned job opportunity fell through, and I'm actually eying a skilled facility now. After the last letdown, I'm not getting too excited, but I did get hired a new hire packet the moment I handed in my cover letter, resume, and application because the DNS remembered when I did my clinicals and practicum there.


Other than that, a morning filled with loud music has helped.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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