I have been searching for similar situations to my own within the forums as I am the BS but not by means of an affair. My STBX betrayed me with stealing money from our acct to take care of his exes court costs for a custody dispute, has lied to me numerous times in reference to large purchases, title loans, and bills being paid. We have been together since 2005 and married since 2007 in which the relationship has been one issue after another. Since day one he has lied to me about a variety of small issues as well as we have had to deal with a psychotic ex of his. Due to child custody issues with his past he has been arrested on several occasions for contempt charges since he hasn�t been able to afford the amounts in child support as well as been arrested for rape charges accused by his psychotic ex. In January 2011 d-day occurred in which I discovered the money missing from our account to pay for his exes court costs. I guess in a way we initiated Plan B to a certain extent in which he left for approximately 4 months. During that time he began to try and win me back after we discussed the problems that had occurred and issues we had within the relationship. In May I had asked him to move back as I felt he had shown that he had taken steps to resolving some of past and become more financially responsible. Just recently I discovered additional lies that he had neglected to inform me of & discovered he had again betrayed my trust. I just recently discover MB and it has put things into a whole new light for how my feelings and trust has been betrayed. We have just begun speaking again mostly through E-mail discussing the LB�s & EN�s that have been neglected. But my issue is that I don�t feel that I can fully recover from the continual betrayal over the past 6 years and if falling through on Plan B is the right thing for me and my children to protect us from being hurt again. Any thoughts from similar situations?

Welcome to MB. It is a miserable place to have to be but the people here are the best to be around at times like this.

As this is the divorcing/divorced forum, you are going to get much better advice about saving your marriage if you go to one of the recovery forums. I'm not sure it matters which as the principles are the same.

I did want to say that my STBX has a history of lies, forgery and theft from me too. What I discovered after a number of years was that this was in fact the tip of the iceberg. Generally, this kind of behaviour does not happen in isolation. There is something behind it. I am reading your post and a number of things don't add up. Have you ever talked to the 'psychotic ex?' Just my hunch, that's all.

I have a psycho ex-husband and am a member of a different forum for people with psycho exes. If your husband's ex is TRULY psycho, then he is probably dealing with PTSD. Some men with psycho exes are afraid to tell their new spouse anything that may cause conflict because they are afraid she will go all psycho on him, too.

However, acting like that is NOT okay. You deserve better.

IMO, you need to start with phone counseling with the Harleys (through the website). Your husband may also need EMDR therapy for his PTSD.

After spending several months on the forum for psycho exes, I have learned that new relationships and marriages often fail. With a psycho ex, the custody dispute will continue until the youngest child is 18. That's how it works.

No I have never spoken to her on a personal level. I barely have the nerve to say hi when she come to pick up her son due 2 the nature of the problems she continually causes. My STBX has other children with other women and has half his check taken in child support to be split yet she keeps pursuing charges on him for not getting her full amt of support so then the other dont get paid. So other than having him thrown n jail at least once a year I have compiled other maliouses to not want to talk with her.
We are currently pursuing the divorce for financial protection on my home, car, and finances due to her trying to get him to have to sell things to pay her off. We have been talking more about the EN's he has been failing with over the last 6 years. So i guess in a way it a start to possible recovering if he continues to follow through. His lying and dishonesty have been a major aspect of the conversations as well as the financial problems he has gotten into over the last year so I feel that plan B of staying apart is the option that needs to happen til he can prove he will be trusting & resolve the issues his exes are causing for my sons.

I had never thought of the PTSD being a possibility. I know that he has stated in conversations that due to his past is what causes him to be decieptful and go around my back to due things yet he has never been specific on the actual issues from the past that caused this. Interesting revelation!

It is not difficult to determine whether it is PTSD or a personality disorder. If it is PTSD it will only affect certain aspects of his life (payments to her for instance). In other areas of your life he will be open and honest. Also, if it is PTSD (which many of us have suffered) there will be a gradual improvement as the memory of the trauma fades. Is there?

Mostly I just feel as if he completely shuts me out of parts of his life especially when it comes to her. And my feelings are that anything to do with her should be of the utmost importance to share due to the damages she has caused us and the issues we have had to face with her. Back in January the money he stole was to pay her attorney fees & when i fould out about them prior to that I stated that he needed to come up with other options of paying her opposed to using the funds that are meant for our family. so when he never came up with options of making the money up, he went and slowly took little bits periodically over a period of a few weeks to pay her attorney fees. We were seperated for 4 months and when he moved back in he had taken out a loan on the car & the title loan called me looking for payment so when i confronted he lied saying it was paid. So last straw was again finding out it wasnt paid and they were trying to get payment from me. So It hard to say if there are changes of improving as all this just happened so recently.
He started reading the his needs & her needs and over the last week claiming that he already changing and knows what he has done wrong during our marriage, but the distrust and emotional betrayal is still so raw to beleive and forget.

Well the PTSD would have gradually improved over the 6 years.

I am worried that he is calling his ex psychotic to gaslight you. Is that possible?