So I passed by my ww on the way to my 2nd job today and there was like no emotion. I actually felt kinda sorry for her. So what does that mean? I don't think its a lack of love but more a testament of the realization that there's nothing I can do about her.

I know I still love her but what does the lack of emotion mean?

It means you know there is nothing other than what you are doing that you can do...as you figured.

It means you need to take a different route to avoid her. Sorry, that just the Plan Ber in me speaking.

I wouldn't look too closely into what you felt at the moment, but what you may feel like tomorrow, or the next day, because of this contact.

That is true. You will feel it and think about it for days.
YK?

You guys consider the brief passing (she was going opposite direction) a breach in my Plan B? I feel nothing regarding it. Maybe I've just come to accept this is who she is and that my marriage really is over.

I know one thing, and one thing only, it WILL effect your PR. That is why I am suggesting you go a different way. What happened exactly? Did you drive passed her on the street?

Yep. It really hasn't bothered me, though. I'm okay. It was almost like I saw someone who looked like someone else. I guess I really did. I saw someone who looked like my wife.

Do you live in a big city?

Is there a different way that you could drive so this doesn't happen again?

Hey, I wouldn't go easy on a WS driving passed an OP, so I am not gonna let you off easy either.

Its not like I planned it. I was just on my way to work.

I live in small city (population around 40,000). There are only 2 ways to get to my 2nd job. I usually don't go that way but I don't usually go from my 1st job straight to my 2nd either.

I didn't say you planned it, but now that you know that it is possible, you need to take steps to ensure that it wouldn't happen again.

Every other Saturday, when I have to go to work, I take the bus. I live in a smallish city(70,000 people, except in the summer when all of them tourists are here). The street where I wait for the bus is just down the street from my house. It is the easiest stop to get to, especially in the winter. One of those Saturdays, my WH and OW came and got the boys. I waited for a few minutes and then I walked to the bus stop. About 20 minutes later, WH and OW drove past me. I didn't feel too badly, at that exact moment, but it did effect me. The next time I was at that bus stop, guess what I was doing? I was looking for WH's car. To stop me from doing that, I walk to a different bus stop now, one where I have very little chance of seeing WH. It's what is best for me, and my recovery.

There are bound to be small contacts, so you need to do everything within YOUR power to eliminate them.

I wanna ask you this, why do you think you are trying NOT to change your route? Be honest.

I don't think I'm trying not to change my route. Yesterday, I went straight from 1st to 2nd job. That was the first time I've had to do that and there's only one way.

My route in an few minutes (I have to work tonight) will be my normal route and different than yesterday's. I do understand what you mean but I didn't look for her and I won't today.

So after talking with my Pastor yesterday about some financial challenges brought on by the divorce, he told me he just wished I'd move on. I think his comment was in reference to my statement about still loving my wife in spite of all I've been through over the last year.

My question is what is moving on? I thought I had been doing pretty good. Ive had one conversation with ww since April (in June). I haven't seen her other than at court. I worked all spring/summer as a hitting coach given lessons (I used to play professionally). Ive come back to the church where he admitted I don't seem/look/act like anyone who's depressed or in a rut.

I joined the praise/worship team at church. I now work 2 jobs to support myself. I hang out with some buddies every Tues. and Thurs. playing dominoes/ backgammon and just having a good time. I go watch football with the guys. Right now, I'm actually out playing pool, something I haven't done in a while.

What does it mean to move on? Date? Find somebody? I think I've done a pretty good job of moving on. Yes, I still love my ww, but can't I still love her and move on? Does one have to be in another relationship to have moved on. Its kinda crazy now that I think about it because he actually said my ww will know when I have moved on. I think he was implying that if I found someone else, I wouldn't think about my wife.

Next time someone tells you to "move on" why don't you ask THEM what they mean by it. that way, you will be able to tell them your thoughts, and make your points.

It could be that your Pastor meant that you should stop discussing your WW. That would be right along with PB, so I too would suggest that.

People DO like to tell other people what they think they oughta do.
Pastors are no different.

Fact is
you ARE moving on through the muck and mire and so on to the future.

Follow MB and you do it in a methodical and logical and spiritually sound way.

Where you wind up, no one knows. In a good place and hopefully at a good timely pace for you.

I did ask him. He couldn't really articulate what he meant either when I explained to him all that was going on. He did bring up dating. Then commented about me still being married. He later said he didn't know what he meant.

You may be right about ww talk. Although it doesn't happen hardly ever anymore. In the context of the conversation, she was brought up because of what we were talking about. I guess I just wanted to plug in that tidbit. I guess I really don't have to do that. He knows where I stand.

So I played on a pool league team for the first time last night since December. I'd done it for the last 6 years but had to stop when finances got tight. I was only a sub but if felt good. And I still got it.

Tonight, I'm going out to do some karaoke. Yeah!!!

Uh oh....

What do you mean? I've got some golden pipes!!!

Just joking!

I know, CV. No love lost.