My original thread is posted on SAA under "My Fault" and I have gotten some good advice. We haven't been back to MC....I feel like she was "ok" with divorce and wasn't really pro-marriage (just pro-"being happy" and if the M can't make you "happy" then so be it...). Anyway, she told me privately that she doesn't know if my H will ever forgive me for what happened.

If this is the case...then it doesn't really matter if he had/is having an EA (I still don't know if it was a PA)...so I ask myself what am I supposed to do? If he'll never forgive me, then am I just spinning my wheels?

How does she know what your H will forgive? Have you called the MB counseling center? That would be my suggestion.

I have ordered the books (they get here this Friday) but have not signed up for the sessions. I need to get another paycheck or two, then I will be ordering some sessions with Dr. Harley.

You provide no back info or link to your thread. Makes it hard to help.

Though I will say that you are right that most counselors only are willing to say whatever their client wants to hear. Happy client means continued sessions, continued cash flow.

Call the Harley's

loves, you should stay on your original thread. It makes it easier for posters to follow your sitch.

Having said that: FIRE YOUR MC. Marriage counsellors are terrible at saving marriages. Their failure rate is huge. They typically are geared toward counselling people to do what makes them feel good (aka 'finding themselves').

Can your H forgive you? That isn't that counsellor's decision to make. That is your H's decision to make. It's up to him.

He may not wish to pursue recovering from this. But if he has any interest at all in recovering and bettering your M, I would suggest the two of you set up counselling with Steve H.

Our MC has had some good points, but overall she has been destructive. One of her main "mantras" is : "You have to be able to be yourself and stay in the marriage at the same time". My husband was using this to justify doing whatever he wanted "because he had to be himself". The next time at MC, I asked her to clarify, and she said the above mantra again, but added that we also had to be accomodating to each other and NOT just do whatever we want.

I was totally confused.

Anyway, I have an email in to Dr. H. I think he will be the only one to help.

My books came in the mail yesterday and H was asking me about them. He said IB was good so that we don't become too dependant. I told him what Dr. H says in the book about that (Love Busters book). H then said I have too many books and that I needed to get a Kindle. I explained my reasons for liking the touch and feel of my books (I keep them in my own bookcase, tidy, btw). He kept at me, and finally I said "look, this isn't about a Kindle. I don't know what it's about. Is it about me agreeing with you that I shouldn't like "old fashioned" books?". He dropped it.

I then read the story of Tom and Linda under Disrespectful Judgments in the LoveBusters book. I live with a Tom.

anyway, i will keep this to my original thread. thank you.

What the hell does this mean anyway?


Being married means we intentionally become (develop into) our BEST self.
We don't get to be lazy and annoy our spouse and then claim, "Hey, that's just me being me."


If course you were.
That MC is speaking in psychobabble riddles.

Your marriage needs a PLAN, not a "Be true to yourself" warm and cuddly catch phrase.

Give the Harley's a call.
Get a PLAN.

It looks like H and I are going to seek recovery. Should I keep my original thread in SAA, move it here, or another board?

Being your not talking about OC you should go back to your original thread in SAA.