How do you go dark with a elementary age child in the house ?

Doesn't that create a toxic environment, given the already selfish, angry and vengeful personality of a cheating spouse ?

What is your understanding of Plan B, because I don't understand your question.

DD.

I have 2 elementary age children in my house and I am in a very Dark plan B in a very very small town! You dictate how it works NOT her! My ww has and still try's to get me to break it--I have once in 6 months.

So it can be done.

Plan B is for the betrayed spouse to avoid all contact with the wayward spouse until the affair has completely ended

But what if you can't seperate.....and you are still sharing the same residence,
Trying to maintain a consistent environment for the benefit of your child, but the cheating spouse is staying in a guest room.

Cutting off all communication would create a hostile environment that is detrimental to the child. Which is what I want to avoid....and not break apart their world by requiring spouse to leave and take the child making me a part time dad.

Welcome to MB, DD.

Becoming a part-time parent is indeed the last thing most of us want, but it will be the outcome if your wife continues the affair. That is, unless you are saying you will live in the same house with her indefinitely, while she carries on her affair.

If she carries on the affair then either she will leave you to be with OM, or she will pressurise you, up to and including going to court, to get you out of the home. In either of these scenarios you will be a part-time father.

In your position, assuming you have done Plan A for a reasonable amount of time in order to lay the groundwork, I would go to court first, before she does so, to get HER out of the home. As the child's father, you should argue and demonstrate that you are capable of caring for your child whilst she is not, because she is having an affair. Get the best lawyer you can and fight for residential custody (or whatever it is called in your state).

What you are doing by living together isn't Plan B. Either continue Plan A for longer (and I would not blame you if you have had enough of that) or take legal action to enforce Plan B.

That is, unless you are prepared to live in the same house with your wife while she conducts her affair, indefinitely.

You should post your full story on the forum Surviving an Affair. This forum is not the place to discuss Plan B.

If she is refusing to end her affair, she needs to leave the marital home. Only then can you do Plan B. Plan B is to completely separate from the adulterer. You can't do that while she's sleeping in the guest room.

And why the heck is she sleeping in the guest room?? Did you not help her pack her bag?

Talk about a toxic environment! Your WW is an unsafe person to have around your child. And your child is probably very confused by what is going on. Have you explained to your child that mommy has a boyfriend, and that it's wrong for married mommies to have boyfriends?

Not talking to your spouse, I envision being akin to "giving the cold shoulder".
and ignoring a person.

I'm struggling with how that impacts a child, to see dad engaging in behavior
We have told our child is rude and bad.

DD, Plan B is a separation and will not work if you are living together. Plan B PREVENTS a hostile environment because you are not living together.

What kind of Plan A have you done? What have you done to bust up the affair?

Giving your spouse the cold shoulder is bad for your marriage. And living in the same house while giving your spouse the cold shoulder WOULD create a toxic environment. That is why you shouldn't do it. What you describe is NOT PlanB. Plan B is a SEPARATION. If you live together you are not separated.

I don't understand this sentence.

-maritalbliss

I was referring to not responding, or ignoring a person.

Devoted Dad, I would suggest that you click on the notify button and have your thread moved to the Surviving an Affair forum.

Do you want to save your M? Would you like help doing so?

I thought it was a general question about the plan, didn't see the forum you mentioned.

I submitted a Chang request.

DevotedDad, how young is your child?

If you click on the NewlyBS link in my signature, you can read through a thread that wil help you navigate this site, as well as answering the questions(on this thread please) so we can help you better.

As all of the other posters have stated, you can NOT Plan B while living in the same house.

You can't do a plan B from the same house.
Dr. Harley recommends to many men that they do not go to plan B but work their best plan A to win their spouses back to them. To wait out the affair. You, as long as you are living in the same home with your wife and communicating with her.....should do the best plan A you can. Invite her to sleep in the marriage bed. Be welcoming and show her the best you.

If it becomes too dreadful for you and you can not continue in the plan A....you must write a beautiful love letter to her (the plan B letter at marriage builders) and then go to plan B. Only if you can not bear plan A any longer and are tempted to resort to lovebusters http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html
which would doom your marriage to end anyway.

Plan B is for your own sanity.

Lots of us here have children with the waywards and are able to have zero contact with them as we try to move on out of the drama of the affair. It can be done. The children are doing as best as they can, given the circumstances. They see one parent being strong for the family by having self respect in a horrible situation.

THIS!!

I am currently in plan B with two kids. My wife has custody of kids right now. I use a IM to facilitate times of pick up and drop off. So this is very doable. Stay dark it is hard. I am still learning to keep dark and not peek. DO NOT PEEK. IT HURTS! It is a learning process but I find myself growing personally stronger and more confident in myself. I know I am also healing and protecting myself. Prepare yourself LISTEN to these vets they are so great and will not steer you wrong. Keep the faith and fight the good fight. Hold your head high knowing you are doing everything you need to do to save your family!

Sorry did not see that you were still in same house. PLAN A while in the same house. I tried plan A also while separated. The things she said to me was awful and painful. Plan B has protected me from this and I have saved the love I have for her if she decides to stop affair and reconcile I have deposits still in my love bank for her that I can utilize to start building a strong foundation for marital recovery. Until that time I will stay in plan B and be a great father to my kids, and continue learning to be a better great husband for when my wife is ever comes out of the fog!

Got it.

Near impossible to do with a spouse who isn't cooperative, so I guess I'm stuck.

Plan A has only resulted in more brazzen behavior and a statements like "not going to stop because i don't want to", and when I communicate things our child says, like "I miss mom, when's mom coming?". I am accused of using her emotions against her. Patience and praying, and trying to effect changes both in myself and the relationship have been met with resistance, discredited and as a result appear to have yielded nothing.

Seperation is just another word for "trial divorce", and asking her to leave is effectively volunteering to kick our child out of my life, at best resulting in only experiencing 50 % of their growing up. Not what I want and I can't volutarily break up my family.

Seems hopelessly deadlocked.

The only thing on this site that is near impossible to do with an uncooperative spouse, is recovery. Plan A and Plan B are the plans you use while the affair is active.

Have you read ALL of the info on this site? How old is your child? Also, please answer the other questions on the NewlyBS thread please, it will help us help you.