A wayward wife who is flaunting her affair in your face is another word for "divorce". Is that your goal?

No one said anything about your child leaving. WW, yes. But she isn't taking your child with her. Your child stays in the safety and security of his home.

Let your WW know that you will not stand idly by and tolerate her disgusting behavior. You will not allow your child to see his mother behaving like a common tramp. She'll have to do that out of your marital home so that your child is not exposed to her dreadful behavior.

I would suggest you lock down your finances. I would clean out all of your joint checking & savings accounts. Leave just enough to keep the accounts open. Put the rest in an account that only you can access. Cancel credit cards that she can use. If there's a balance and you can't cancel them, direct the card issuer to suspend the card so it can't be used.

Lock down any retirement accounts so she can't pilfer them. Think of any other avenues she can use to get at family/marital money and lock them down.

This may sound drastic, DD, but we've had plenty of posters on here whose wayward went to the bank and cleaned out all the accounts in order to have money to support the affair.

After you have done this, inform her that you will not be financing her affair. She'll have to come up with the scratch to do that on her own.

I know this was intended to be humorous, but I can relate to 90 % of what it describes in my spouse. Appears my spouse, may be experiencing an MLC.

MIDLIFE for Dummies

Especially, " Don't forget to use the fact that if you spend any time with your kids, you should get Extra Credit Bonus Good Parent points from your spouse. "

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2458276&page=3

MLC is a handy term that means nothing. Your WW is having an affair because she has poor boundaries with men and saw an opportunity to have one. We've had waywards on this board from their early 20s to their 70s.

Intentionally general to maintain anonymity...

How old are you? How old is your WS(wayward spouse)?
Early 40's, late 30's

Do you have any children? How old are they?
1, elementary

How long have you been married? Is this the first marriage for both of you?
10, yes

How did your WS meet their AP?
Dancing, at a "girls night out"

How long did the A last?
Ongoing 11 months, refuses to stop.

How did you find out about the A?
Cellphone bill.

Have you ordered the book Surviving an Affairby DrHarley? Have you read it?
No book, but have read website content. Trying to adapt to unique circumstances.....but from the preceding responses, not possible.

DD, you are going to get bogged down if you try to convince yourself that there is something unique about your circumstances. If you spend much time on this site, you'll learn very quickly that affairs are all pretty much the same. The names are different. Other than that, they're all quite unoriginal.

Who is OM? Do you know him? Have you got his name? Have you exposed this affair to anyone who can help you influence your WW to end the A?

Have you confronted OM and told him to leave your wife alone? How about OM's family? Most importantly: IS HE MARRIED?

You said you did Plan A but the most important part of Plan A is exposure to bust up the affair.

Who has this been exposed to, if anyone? Do you know who this OM is? Is he married? Is he on FB?

Are you being mysterious in order to tease? Do you think it brings more interest to your story?

How would giving your ages identify you?

I am particularly keen to know how old your child is. The term "elementary" does not mean anything to me, my dear Watson, even though I am British. Is your child 2, or 8? How would it identify you to give that detail?

That detail matters when it comes to our advice about handling this.

If the A has gone on this long, you need to get your exposure done. Can you compile a list of people for exposure? Consider WW's parents, siblings, clergy, etc. Anyone whose opinion or respect she looks up to who can help you influence her to end her A.

You'll need to hit OM's side as well.

NOTE: Do NOT tell your WW about exposure! Do not threaten to expose the affair - just DO it.

The better your exposure, the angrier she'll more than likely be. That's what you want. Don't be afraid to do this - it's your single best tool for busting up the affair.

Dr.Harley, clinical psychologist and owner of this site, says:

SugarCane, elementary means elementary school, about grades 1-6, about ages 6 - 11.

Old enough to be told that mommy is doing a bad thing, DD.

A child that age should be told about the affair, during exposure and in an age appropriate way(ie. Mommy is having an affair. That means that Mommy has been dating OM. It is wrong to date someone else when you are married).

Also, a child of that age can walk to a car, waiting in a driveway. That makes exchanges easier.

Are you serious ?

Do you know what exposure is?

Have you exposed WW affair?

DD, don't waste precious time.

Go post by post and answer all the questions.

I think I've made a mistake, out of desperation.
Sorry for wasting everyone's time.

If you are desperate this is the best place to be.
But you have to believe and trust the program.

You are wrong if you think she can't move out.
It might not be fun, but thats a consequence of wrecking your family. Stop protecting her from the consequences.

That's up to you, DD. But before you go, think about this: you have put up with your WW's devastating betrayal of you for ELEVEN months. That's ELEVEN MONTHS GONE FROM YOUR LIFE. You'll never get those back. Is that how you want the next eleven months to go? Or the next year? Because I promise you that that's exactly what is in store for you. Your WW will be living the life of Riley. She'll have everything she needs: access to her child, financial support for whatever she wants to do, a roof over her head and her OM. You'll have...a wayward wife sleeping down the hall from you (when she's not overnighting with OM) who has zero respect for her shell of a man husband who is willing to live with a wife who is catting around with another man. At least until she gets so disgusted with living with you that she dumps you and goes off with OM. THAT'S when the weekend visitations with your son will kick in.

Or you can expose and kill the affair. Your call.

Your only mistake seems to be ignoring the advice on how to bust up this affair.

Read this:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2376609

Good luck!

No offense, but there is no unique set of circumstances. We all have little tweaks of how we got where we are. We are universally the same though which is why marriage builders concepts and plans are the way to go. For real.

I am all for vagueness, I myself am vague. Its just how things are for some people.
You can still study up the books and so on and make plans. Plans that are better than grasping for ways to manage your situation.

I will say that this seriously IS the place to be to work through your betrayel.

A non cooperative wayward spouse is the norm, not rare. If they were cooperative, they would have discussed cheating on you before the fact, and they don't. YK?

He's not going to make it. I feel sorry for his son