SB and melody are both right.

I can't allow Amy access to my work computer, and as of right now they have shot down all my attempted solutions for getting rid of my internet. I'm going to keep pursuing it. I'm willing to quit my job and move some place cheaper like TX but Amy is not willing to do that yet. As of now she'd rather give up on me and have the child support from my good job and stay around her friends.

How about a third solution that benefits your marriage? Look for a job in the same area. Or start a business together.

Why can't you allow her access to your work computer? Do you bring it home? Is it a laptop?

Melody,

We live in Ventura county, CA. It's just not that simple as "getting another job in our area". To get another job means moving. I am willing to do that. She is not. So right now, I am putting my full energy into solving my "online" issue at my current job. I do not accept that there is nothing that can be done. For security reasons they can't allow any kind of reporting. They also can't uninstall i.e. from my specific machine because all the machines have "core software" according to the NMCI contract.

BUT my new idea to explore is getting IT approval for a specific software that blocks all access to all websites except specific ones approved by an admin password holder. There is family protection software and even windows-based programs for that exact use.

Ie7 Administration kit
http://technet.microsoft.com/en-us/ie/bb219524

windows live family safety
http://explore.live.com/windows-live-family-safety-xp

I can't allow her access to my work computer because it is against security and IT regulations. I already got a slap on the wrist for bringing her in here once. But I believe that if my Division Head verifies for her that this software is installed and all websites are blocked except ones he specifically approves, she will accept that.

Amy is thinking about whether to inform the OW's husband of what happened. As far as I know they got divorced. That can be confirmed one way or another.

I am not worried about the OW contacting me in the future, but I would be worried about what her or him could be capable of. If not outright violence, he or she could mess with my job easily by calling NCIS and telling them something to mess with my security clearance.

I am not opposed to telling him if there's good reason to but I don't want to expose my family to risk.

Thoughts?

My thought is you should have thought about that before.

Would you want to know if amy was doing this to you and someone knew? There is your answer.

If what you did by having an affair with his wife/ex wife is a disciplinary offence, then if you were disciplined, that would be justice.

If it is a disciplinary offence, then you did something that you knew, or should have known, was unacceptable to your employers and would have an impact on your job.

You did the crime. you deserved to serve the tim.

My H had sex with a woman who was a client of his employers. When I finally exposed to her H (4 years after being messed about with false recoveries), I knew that he could report my H to his employers and H could lose his job. I exposed anyway.

First, I used the same logic as I used to you above. My H should not have taken actions that jeopardised his job, and he deserved this form of justice. He also deserved anything that OWH dished out to him, including physical punishment. My H ruined that man's marriage, and more painful to me than even that, he hurt her kids, badly. They found out about the affair when her 15 year-old son used his mother's phone one day. He found "hundreds" of sexy text messages on it, and told his 18 year-old sister. She, fearing the break up that had nearly happened years earlier after her mother's first affair, told her brother not to tell their father. They wanted their family to stay together. So those two poor wee souls took the decision to keep the knowledge of the affair to themselves. Every now and again the boy would look at the phone and see love messages, sex messages and messages about how his mother didn't love his father - and he didn't dare tell any adult.

By the time I exposed, both children were traumatised by the length and depth of the affair.

My H deserved anything that that poor man, defending his family and their loss, chose to dish out, and it is only by the grace of God and OWH's kind nature that my suffered nothing but shame at exposure. I'm grateful that worse didn't come, but my H deserved it.

Second, if my H had lost his job, OWH would have done us a favour. Cutting off the workplace avenue of contact was the only way to stop this wretched affair. My H has now retired on a much reduced income, and it is very hard for OW (who lives in another country) to contact him. She'd have to email him at home, knowing that I watch the email account and will immediately tell her H, or she'd have to phone this house, and she know I work from home, and she is scared of me.

Stop making excuses, Schlag. Arrange access for your wife or quit your job. She does not want to live with the uncertainty that your job will forever cause her. Have a heart and put an end to that side of her pain.

And as for OWH - stop thinking about your own hide.

Well, you aleady exposed your family to risk. And you exposed this man's family to risk too. Now, he needs to know what you did to him. This is information about his life to which he is entitled. His need to know supercedes your desire to evade the consequences of your crime.

get out of the way of HER healing. no one's going to come after her for what you've done. you probably enjoyed the risk when you were off being naughty. deal with it.

I guess I'm wondering why expose my family to more risk if they're divorced anyway.

It's easy for YOU guys to sit there telling me that I should have thought of it before. It's not so easy when it's the food in my kids' mouths and the house over their head and the health insurance for Amy and my therapy that would be going down the tubes.

I'm working the internet at work issue right now. Every day.

Because this man deserves the truth about his own life. He has a right to know what you did to him. If you were truly remorseful, this would not even be an issue. Show me a person who wants to hide his crime from his victim and I will show you a wayward who is not sincere.

I already told Amy the reason I would tell him is to ask his forgiveness. She can vouch for that. The issue is whether I care about him forgiving me enough to risk my family's financial security.

And lets not pretend like you are suddenly concerned about your family. You are not. You are concerned about YOURSELF. You are using your family as an excuse to avoid facing the consequences of your crime.

You owe the man the truth.

This has nothing to do with his forgiveness. It has to do with doing the right thing. The man deserves the truth. And you owe it to him. This is not about YOU. It is about HIM.

Any more lame excuses?

Sorry, melody, but that's B.S. I could care less if he knows or beats me up. I care about him being angry enough to mess with my security clearance which would mean my family's financial security.

I am willing to face my own consequences.

I am NOT willing to have my family face my consequences, any more than they have to.

Do you know, I will advise Amy not to have anything more to do with you if you continue to raise these specious objections.

a day late and a dollar short.

More excuses. Sorry, that won't work here. You are not concerned about your family's "security" you are concerned about covering your own [censored].

Like I said, show me a wayward who refuses to make amends to his victims and I will show you an UNREPENTANT wayward.

Shame on you.

So just to be clear, you guys think that this man who is now divorced from the other woman deserves to know what happened even though it could mean my family losing our sole livelihood?

Just checking if I'm hearing you right.