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from what i've pieced together SHE WANTS TO DO IT but you keep sliding out of it. my short interaction with you has been incredibly frustrating.
YOU DON'T GET IT unless it's all about you.
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way to put all the responsibility of making a tough decision on her. GOOD JOB...not!
like i said earlier GET OUT OF THE WAY OF HER HEALING. You suggest I risk her livelihood without her concurrence? wow! He is hoping to hide behind her skirts. If he scares her enough maybe she will allow him to do that.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You suggest I risk her livelihood without her concurrence? wow! Did you really just say that? wow!
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Melody, I am not thinking about "getting out of trouble".
There is no trouble for me in telling OWH about the affair. I can take a tongue lashing or a beatdown if he thought it worth flying out here. I have no pride left to lose about what I did. In fact, it is part of my recovery to ask forgiveness from the people that I have wronged/sinned against.
I would have thought it the worst thing in the world right now to do something that could impact my wife and kids again in the interest of my own recovery.
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hello! you risked HER livelihood without her concurrence when you cheated at every opportunity.
you are incredibly arrogant and it must be truly devastating to have a group of people here who are not buying an ounce of your total bull puckey.
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hello! you risked HER livelihood without her concurrence when you cheated at every opportunity. I know I did. I am trying to be the guy who doesn't do that anymore, remember?
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Isn't it funny how your family's "security" didn't stop you from having affairs but it stops you from manning up and doing the right thing?  You owe the man the truth and if you were sincere you wouldn't be here trying to weasel out of it. Weren't you pursuing another affair a couple of months ago? Your BW has said that all of your chatting with these women was online while you were at work. Please stop it with these excuses. You are embarassing yourself.
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I can hear his weasel words now: "Oh, Amy, I would love to apologize to the OWH but will only do it if you don't mind me losing my job, getting kicked out in the street, having the OM come to the house and beat up you and the children and rip the ears off our little kitty!!! I will only do it if you are ok with all that!!bI know I was never worried about that when I was shagging his wife [who worries when you are getting free nooky!!  ] but I am so concerned and do not want to harm you and the children!!!" [translation: I hope to God I scare the hell out of her so she begs me not to confess. Please oh please let me hide behind your skirts, Amy!!]
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'll write it tonight. @Melody: I have confessed to my wife, family, friends, pastor, God, and every one else. That's not it. Please stop. I am not unrepentant or wayward.
Last edited by Schlag; 11/02/11 06:05 PM.
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hello! you risked HER livelihood without her concurrence when you cheated at every opportunity. I know I did. I am trying to be the guy who doesn't do that anymore, remember? How convenient!! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If Amy is okay with the risk, there is no other reason for me not to write the letter and I will. She has already said she wants the BH to know: I think her H has a right to know- divorce or not. Using the words "if Amy is okay with the risk" is manipulative...and you KNOW it. Stop it!
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Amy is thinking about whether to inform the OW's husband of what happened. As far as I know they got divorced. That can be confirmed one way or another.
I am not worried about the OW contacting me in the future, but I would be worried about what her or him could be capable of. If not outright violence, he or she could mess with my job easily by calling NCIS and telling them something to mess with my security clearance.
I am not opposed to telling him if there's good reason to but I don't want to expose my family to risk.
Thoughts? Yeah, she should tell. Why would Amy and the kids be at risk? I think it's a man-up situation. If you were bold enough to be with another dudes wife, be bold enough to come clean to him.
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@Melody: I have confessed to my wife, family, friends, pastor, God, and every one else. That's not it. Please stop. I am not unrepentant or wayward. Any wayward who continues to LIE to his victim is WAYWARD. You are wayward until this man knows the truth of what you did to him. LYING is not repentance. Earn it buddy. TALK IS CHEAP!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I know she already said he should know.
I wanted to make it clear for her that him knowing could effect us, that's all.
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I know she already said he should know.
I wanted to make it clear for her that him knowing could effect us, that's all. No, you wanted to scare her into allowing you to hide behind her skirts.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I guess I'm wondering why expose my family to more risk if they're divorced anyway.
It's easy for YOU guys to sit there telling me that I should have thought of it before. It's not so easy when it's the food in my kids' mouths and the house over their head and the health insurance for Amy and my therapy that would be going down the tubes.
I'm working the internet at work issue right now. Every day. Schlag, really? Were you thinking of food in your kids mouths when you were at motel 8? Were you thinking of Amy? Your sin has consequences and this is one of them. You realize that you are probably the reason for their divorce, right? But then some of us do know. I am not in my vocation because my wife cheated. OM is not in his vocation because he cheated with my wife. My wife quit her job. Guess what? We found other jobs.
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No, you wanted to scare her into allowing you to hide behind her skirts. I have no reason to hide from him. Any wayward who continues to LIE to his victim is WAYWARD. You are wayward until this man knows the truth of what you did to him. LYING is not repentance. Earn it buddy. TALK IS CHEAP!! You're right. I didn't think of telling him as important since they are divorced. I see that it is. Thanks.
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I know she already said he should know.
I wanted to make it clear for her that him knowing could effect us, that's all. We all know what you were doing. Responding with more waywardly excuses doesn't help you. Just stop.
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Because this man deserves the truth about his own life. He has a right to know what you did to him. If you were truly remorseful, this would not even be an issue. Show me a person who wants to hide his crime from his victim and I will show you a wayward who is not sincere. I already told Amy the reason I would tell him is to ask his forgiveness. She can vouch for that. The issue is whether I care about him forgiving me enough to risk my family's financial security. Well, if you don't care enough about destroying someone else's life to ask forgiveness or to come clean... How about simply being honest? Is that important?
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