Yes, I am terrible at this; however, I had a little alone time in the car yesterday and thought about what you had posted earlier:



When I got home, I went in to her and said, "I'm hurting emotionally right now and need your comfort and reassurances."

I thought, "that was easy," but you know, it really wasn't . . .

OWH,

She wants to help, she feels helpless, let her .........
Help each other........you are both worth it.........

Thinking things through is the key, look how good you were at that.......being honest about what you are feeling and then asking for help..........
That is easy..............

She wants to help and I should let her: I agree.

We should be helping each other and we are both worth it: definitely agree.

Thinking through feelings and emotions wouldn't be considered one of my hallmarks, but since you pointed it out, I recognize that's what I did here; I consider that a positive improvement.

But, it wasn't easy to muster the faith it took to ask for help from the one who brought the pain. I'm repeatedly told it gets easier with time; I choose to have faith that it will.

Just think of where you have come from in the last several months. Would you even be posting these comments? Some things are already easier.

You are probably coming up on the 1 year mark soon, right? this will be a big turning point for you and the mrs.

CV

We're still a few months out from the anniversary of D-Day, when I confronted her with the proof. At this time last year, I had been suspicious, but let down my guard during the time her father was very ill, then subsequently passed away.

Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of me finding her condom stash (I stupidly failed to make the connection to her Chicago trip, from which she'd just returned). At this point, all the suspicions returned in a very heightened fashion and I went into full surreptitious investigation mode.

The next few months will be tough for me because I'll have vivid memories of the things she said and did that rose to the level of circumstantial evidence. Still, thinking back on it now, it amazes me how sure I was that she was having an affair, yet how unprepared I was to deal with the truth of it.

In any event, I definitely think things are going well. Our last, tough talk Friday night through Saturday morning mostly served to break me out of the slump I was in. I reaffirmed to myself that I'm here because I want to be and that working through this is my first choice in seeking happiness. Yes, there are doubts, but they're holding less sway all the time.

Funny, I thought I was a strong man (and probably was in a lot of ways), but this is making me stronger. I've never really had this much confidence in myself. I choose to be here. I choose to go through the pains of grief and healing. I could leave her for this, start a new life with someone else and probably live a fantastic life with all of my hard-gained wisdom, but I choose to stay. Somehow, I just know my tale will be more epic with her as my leading lady.

Made me smile. it's a heckuva way to gain wisdom and strength. Isn't it?

I knew too. Sure wasn't prepared. prepare yourself for those trigger days.

CV

Oh yes, CV, I read your story. In your situation, I would've pulled chocks and never looked back. You're a much better man than I.

Who knows? Were the situations reversed? One thing off? I dunno. we are each given no more than we can handle I think. Better or different? I think it's probably the latter.

CV, I think I read in another thread that you're currently working in retail. Are you working outside of the ministry at the moment? Is this by choice, or were you compelled to leave for another reason? (Is this even any of my business?)

Here's why I ask: If I feel comfortable talking with you, you must have a gift. I've met only one other person in my life with whom I feel comfortable communicating on this level (unfortunately, it's not my wife; I'm trying to change that).

I think it's a shame if you're not in a position to use your gift on a much broader level. If you are a valuable sounding board for me, you must be invaluable to others.

Bump.

LOL! No, Grace didn't put me up to it, though if she's been communicating the same sentiments, seems she's well on her way to earning her "F."

I hate that you don't feel comfortable with full-time ministry at this point, but I certainly understand. The family is your foundation.

Don't let "square-filling" get in the way of sharing your gift. While money is great, and unquestionably a need, that may not be where you'll find your biggest payday . . .

She is. I have already awarded her her "F". This sounds weird, but I need to get the kids a bit more independent. Trust me... retail is not satisfying. My heart and head are in ministry... What it looks like at this point? I'm exploring that.

I'm glad you've reached that point with Grace. As I read about the emotional struggles you still go through after 3 years, I didn't realize you were at that stage with her. The fact that you still struggle after 3 years doesn't give me a warm fuzzy about healing any time soon.

Trying to get the kids independent? Boys? Teen boys? Good luck with that! And once you find the formula, publish it. That could be your ticket to untold riches!

I know what you mean about retail. That's my wife's profession. Her prioritization of that career was responsible for a lot of turmoil in our marriage and was a major contributor to her affair. I feel like I've been in a constant competition for her time and attention. It took the shake-up of an affair to finally open her eyes to the demands her job has placed on our family, and for the first time in well over ten years, I feel she's getting her priorities straightened out.

I hope you get to follow your heart. It's apparent to me that's also where your gift resides. Meanwhile, make the most out of your time in retail: think of it as a Daniel-in-the-lion's-den kind of scenario . . .

Checking in to see how you're doing today. Hope you and the mrs are doing good this weekend.


CV

She's working this weekend, which cleared my path for a bevy of "honey-do" projects yesterday (and 18-holes with the guys this morning, woo hoo!). Some weekends I work harder that I do at work. Yesterday was an example of that, but it comes with a gratifying sense of accomplishment.

This afternoon, we'll have some family time, and we've got couple-time scheduled for this evening.

All-in-all, a pretty good weekend for us! Thanks for checking in!

Man, Why are you up this early?? Sounds like a decent day planned. Off to work myself. I see a nap in my future!

CV

My wife goes to work very early. One of my approaches to UA time is to get up early with her, have a cup of coffee with her while she gets ready for work (also get to rub lotion on her back -- mmmm! [and no, I don't mean in Silence Of The Lambs style]), and have quiet conversation time. After she leaves for work, I commence with my exercise program. We have a much better lifestyle than we did pre-affair.

Have fun at work. I'll be thinking about you while I'm on the golf course . . .

I gotta use the lotion idea. I'll try not to silence of the lamb---her.. lol

Work was cool. No sales today, all training.