I have seen a therapist for the last year and taking antidepressants. I joined the gym a couple of weeks ago. I'm not going to let this destroy me. My sleep has been the worst hit with some nightsno sleep at all

I know I wish I had of sort help sooner too because my work didn't do enough to takeaway the pyschological pressure I was experiencing. My ex is remorseful but the OM couldn't care less and does anything in her power to upset me like, placing photos of themselves on her desk whiteboard forall to see. Mind you my bosses came to my wedding only 3 years before

completeddisaster, have you read up on Plan B? Plan B is a completely dark separation where you never see or speak to your WH. That means you can't work together anymore. SEeing them together at work like you have has been a disaster for your mental health and it has also propped up the affair.

Please leave the job. That is your only hope. I am sorry you are in this situation.

Plan B is initiated with a love letter that gives him your conditions to come back. Any communication would need to be handled through a designated intermediary. There is a thread in the notable posts section about "How to Plan B properly" I would go check that out. We can help you with any follow up questions.

Thank you! I will read the example love letters it will be very hard for me to leave the job because I've been there since I graduated university. I'm a formulating chemist creating cosmetics for a successful brand. Now that is going to be taken from my life too. So not only have I lost my husband, the closeness of mutual friends we once shared, the chance to have children and now the job I love.

I wish they had of left

Is there someone in HR you could talk to about their affair? You are still married, it is still an affair. There should be something the company could do.

I would let them know, either they leave or I do.....let her make that call. Prepare to leave, update resume, start making contacts within your industry.

Listen to Melody....she is a great source of advice.

CD, I've read through your thread again, and I see a lot of positives here for saving your M. If, indeed, you really want to keep that hound dog husband in your life. (My apologies to that honorable breed of dog.)

The thing is this: in order for that to happen, YOU'RE going to have to pull the switch. Your WH has already told you that he doesn't know how to end it (I remember those same words out of my husband's mouth, after he was exposed at work.) That leaves the heavy lifting up to you. Sorry.

One critical thing I picked up while re-reading your thread: This tells me your work is profitable for your employers. Use this to your advantage. Go back to your employer and tell them that you are in an untenable situation - you are forced to have your nose rubbed daily in the disgusting affair between your WH and the OW (btw, CD, 'OM' stands for Other Man. 'OW' stands for Other Woman.) Tell them that you can no longer handle the emotional distress that this causes you. (Use those words: EMOTIONAL DISTRESS. That may come in handy later on.)

See, the thing your employer did was to appeal to your success in their company in order to keep you and not have to do anything about the affair. And they succeeded. You need to let them know that you can no longer participate in this EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATING (use those words) work situation.

This will accomplish one of two things:
1. Your employer will be panicked at the thought of losing you and will make accommodations for you so that you are no longer having your nose rubbed in this every day. They'll need to move the affairees to a place that you never have to deal with.
2. They will accept your resignation.

Either is healthier than the hell you're going through now. If they choose #1, you'll keep your job and be able to commence Plan B, which may well save your M, from the way your WH sounds.
If they choose #2, you're looking for work in a field where you appear to excel. AND they've just left themselves open for a sexual harrassment lawsuit. You are currently working in a hostile environment. Never a good thing for an employer. And you can still go to Plan B.

I love that plan MB.

CD put this plan in action. Your employer is risking a lot by not addressing this situation. You might even put those two senerios in writing.

Work on a letter of resignation with those words. If they have legal council, those phrases will raise red flags. That is why most companies don't allow office romances.

Ok guys, interesting night! I decided to stick with plan a for a couple of weeks that was advised a few posts ago and wow did he open up a little tonight. Told me he still cares about me, what he was doing in the evening at his friends place and would catch up with me at work tomorrow for a chat. Sooooo I'll keep this plan going for a while longer. I honestly don't think hubby loves ow the same as me which works in my Cavour.

I will post my letters where I have previously stated the affair was pyscho logically disturbing to my mental health but the company just wants to sweep it under the carpet and not food the necessary actions to stop it when it was first known. I feel that they were enablers without knowing it!

One thing I have in my Cavour my hubby and I both want children while the *edit* has been there and done that with teenage daughters and doesn't want to do it all over again.

The plan b letter will come. Thank you so much for your help x

Very clever!



You are a natural MBer! I have no doubt you will plan A like a rockstar. The poor little wayward wont know what to do with your sweetness and light! It will trap him like a net.

Your story really resonates with me. Check out my signature, the OW in my case was my oldest friend, who had shown jealousy of me in the past but I had never seen anything like this coming. She did my wedding hair too!

The most maddening thing is you KNOW they have talked about you, dissected things about your relationship that was none of her business. Oh and I bet she set up girlie chats with you about 'how things were going with you two' as well didnt she?

My OW is no longer in competition with me because I am nowhere to be seen. She is left only with the alien intruder of my marraige, which is not, I think what she envied. She no longer has to preen and smile for my benefit. I am not there. My WH is no longer getting needs met from me - he is left with the cold comfort of a soulless and jealous woman.

I have found a lovely and perfect peace, which is rarely disrupted through Plan B - and it has only been five months for me.

Do Plan A first, I am smiling thinking of how well you will do.

Then join us for some healing in Plan B.

He's playing you like a fiddle. He has felt the warm, fuzzy effects of Plan A and thinks you're coming around to his way of thinking when it comes to having you as well as OW in his life. And that's fine. The contrast will be huge when you go to Plan B.

CD, what is the plan? When will you be leaving that job?

All sounds good. How is the work place? Did you speak or send letter to HR or supervision? Is skankyOW still flaunting her new found "toy"?

Stay positive, Plan A can be tough. Stay calm, polite and loving.

We are all cheering for you.

Hi Indiegirl,

YES we did have girly chats about how my marriage was going in fact, I was confiding in her about how I was having troubles in my marriage and so was WH that I was not aware of. So she used the situation to her advantage, she knew exactly what buttons to push to make him interested in her. She always envied my life.... The fact that I had a loving husband, great friends, job. She even dyed her hair the same colour as mine. When I would launch a new product she wanted to be centre stage and conduct the presentation to the sales team eventhough I was the scientist and creator while she was the hairdresser and helped me evaluate the products. I should have seen it a long time ago but I felt sorry for her as a single mum so took her under my wing. She is a very nasty piece of work. I will read up on your story xx

CD,

Don't avoid the work place. If you go Plan B, this will prove to be important.

TTS, I am confused. Can you clarify what you mean? You do understand that in order to go into Plan B she needs to leave that job, right?

Exactly. She needs to leave job. But I'm suggesting she not make it an easy loss for company or OW.

When she applies somewhere else, she needs to be able to say it was the work environment and the OW that caused her to leave. If she just quits, the company will not give her a good reference.

Plan for the future away from that job and a dark Plan B.

The problem with this is that the HR person cannot confirm her story. Her old employer will not incriminate themselves by confirming this. All they'll be able to confirm are her dates of employment and in some cases her salary.

If I were in HR and a new job applicant said negative things about their former employer, I would be suspicious that they have an ax to grind against their former employer. I would be more likely to hire someone who loved their former job, but felt it was time to seek other opportunities for better pay/personal growth, etc.

CD, you need to put in a notice because it's the right thing to do. You also need to keep in mind that you have a few years before the statute of limitations runs out for filing a sexual harrassment grievance against the company.

Thank you for your help x

Thank you for your help x

I had already found another job when I resigned a few months ago. I should have gone through with it and not been persuaded by the owners to stay.

I'm certain the company (family owned) would be worried that I could take them to court for emotional harassment and not adopting duty of care when I exposed the affair to them. Apparently, they could not sack OW or WH which Im unsure about legally. I was forced into meetings where OW would be in attendance and told that I would have to speak to her in order for us to both do our jobs effectively. I documented it all with dates etc. in case I ever needed to use it.

The problem I have is that I'm loyal to the founders of the company who have now past on. I have been with the company for 14years.
If leaving the job is the only way plan B will work then I will have to.

I spoke to WH again today about mutual friends we have etc. he announced that he wouldn't be with OW forever. What a waste then to ruin our marriage! The OW does think it's a competition between us and loves every minute of it. What she fails to see is that she isn't me!