Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Hi underdog, welcome to Marriage Builders. The most effective weapon you have against the affair is exposure. Everyone should know of the affair, your parents, her parents, the OM's parents, friends, family, children, and the OM's facebook friends.

See, affairs thrive on secrecy, so exposing them ruins the fantasy. It is no fun having an affair when everyone is looking.

My suggestion would be to expose the affair in the same day to create a tsunami effect. Additionally, you should DEMAND that your wife end her affair NOW. Cancel her cell phone, cut off the internet, tell her under no circumstances is she to contact her scumbag in the home of you and your children.

To expose, I would make up a list of her parents, your parents, family, friends, the OM's parents and other key targets and call them all. Tell them about the affair and ask them to use their influence to persuade the adulterers to stop it.

Go to the OM's facebook page TODAY and copy and paste all his contacts into a WORD document for safekeeping. On the day you expose, send a private message out to all his facebook contacts [SPACE ALL YOUR PRIVATE MESSAGES OUT 60 SECONDS APART SO YOU ARE NOT SHUT DOWN FOR FLOODING]:

Quote
Dear friend of Joe Scumbag,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his friends should know the kind of person he really is. Joe had an affair with my wife, Sally, from Aug until September. I believe that his friends should know this, so you can protect your marriage from him. My wife and I have 2 small daughters and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify his parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BH

***********************


Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
1. EXPOSE THE AFFAIR WIDE AND FAR

2. DEMAND THAT SHE END HER AFFAIR TODAY

3. IF SHE LEAVES TO SEE HER LOVER, THEN GET ON THE PHONE AND CALL THE OMW AND THE OM'S PARENTS


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
C
Member
Member
C Offline
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
1. EXPOSE THE AFFAIR WIDE AND FAR

2. DEMAND THAT SHE END HER AFFAIR TODAY

3. IF SHE LEAVES TO SEE HER LOVER, THEN GET ON THE PHONE AND CALL THE OMW AND THE OM'S PARENTS

Seriously... Do it.


Celtic Voyager
Married 22+ years
3 young adult children


"A story of me"
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 38
U
Member
Member
U Offline
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 38
I just read your last paragraph again.... Does your WW's BF husband known she has been helping hide an affair?

I think he might. I am not sure how to get in touch with him either. We would talk at family and social functions but not really exchange phone numbers and all. I will work on that.

If he doesn't, tell him. He will probably be less likely to let his W hang out with your WW.
I will try to find out. The husband of the BF is a second husband and he lets her do whatever she wants. He will let his wife go out and party it up and then go pick her up so she does not drive drunk. He is a reformed drinker and drug user.
I never could understand how he puts up with that but starting to see a little clearer now.


Expose to everyone who may have influence to end this fantasy. Call OMW and let her now about possible meetings.
I did give OmW my number if she needed to call me. maybe I should call her to see what she knows. I had left a facebook PM to her account when I first found out from my WW but deleted it when I found a phone number. The messege still went through somehow and OmW left a message on my account. I think my WW saw that. My WW asked if I had contacted OmW last night. I wanted to tell WW hell yeah I did but could only manage to say 'Don't you think I should?'I thin and Call OM parents. Pull the curtain off this PA and let the light of truth destroy it.

I will try my best. What advice about OmW wanting to only let a few people in her family know because of ther kids she stated. I guess I should be in contact with her again.

Last edited by UnderDog_99; 11/04/11 09:44 AM.

Married 17 years
Two daughters
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Underdog, if you can get yourself focused enough to stick to a plan we can help you with an exposure strategy. But endless commiserating is a distraction from solving the problem.

The OM is not going to leave his wife over some cheap piece on the side so you have the advantage here. You just have to man up and use it. Raise holy unmitigated hell in his life and run him off. He will dump your wife.

Open up the gates of hell on this affair TODAY. Stop wringing your hands over the mortgage because you won't have her money anyway when you get divorced. And you are headed for divorce NOW because nothing has been done to save this marriage.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by UnderDog_99
I will try my best. What advice about OmW wanting to only let a few people in her family know because of ther kids she stated. I guess I should be in contact with her again.

You need to inform the OM's parents, family members, and married friends via facebook using the sample letter I gave you. I would also inform the OMW after you do this and tell her that it would be a good idea to tell her children before they hear it elsewhere. Children should ALWAYS be told about the affair. YOUR children should be told by you too. [those that are over 4]

I would then move onto to calling your wife's parents, family members and any CARING friends. [I don't mean her losertard girlfriend that cares nothing about her] Call the loser friend's husband.

When you call her family and friends, tell them all about the affair, that you are trying to save your marriage and ask them to call your wife. Tell them they are an influential person in her life and ask them to use their influence to persuade her to end her affair with this married man. And be sure and tell them all the name of the man.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 38
U
Member
Member
U Offline
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 38
ML, yes I want to save my marriage.

CV, OK exposure! Should I start with the people I think might know or the people who might not?

Lexxx, I need a plan. Mine have all failed so far.


Married 17 years
Two daughters
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Quote
Should I start with the people I think might know or the people who might not?
Whether or not they know doesn't matter. Contact everyone who is in a position to influence her to end the A.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 38
U
Member
Member
U Offline
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 38
ML, I have contacted OmW and she knows. My marriage was having dificulty before the affair and my WW would cry about it all to her side of the family for years. I will try to recruit as many as I can to help.


Married 17 years
Two daughters
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
C
Member
Member
C Offline
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Quote
Should I start with the people I think might know or the people who might not?
Whether or not they know doesn't matter. Contact everyone who is in a position to influence her to end the A.

Yep. FB friends, family, Everywhere. FAR AND WIDE.

Make a list first.. one column of those whose contact info you have and one of those you need to get.

CV


Celtic Voyager
Married 22+ years
3 young adult children


"A story of me"
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by UnderDog_99
ML, yes I want to save my marriage.

CV, OK exposure! Should I start with the people I think might know or the people who might not?

Start with her family members by order of importance. Call them up and and inform tell them what I said. Then move onto the OM's parents and other facebook friends.

Do this all today so that it has a tsunami effect on your wife and the OM.

And also set your kids [those over 4] down and tell them about their mom's affair.

When your wife gets wind of this she will call and try to SCARE you into stopping it. Don't take her calls until you finished.

She will be furious and will make all sorts of threats: "I was going to work on the marriage, now I'm not," "I am filing on Monday!" blah, blah, blah, yip and yapola. Just ignore it. She is the falling down drunk who just got cut off at the bar. Just tell her you are sure sorry she is upset but you felt everyone should know.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by UnderDog_99
ML, I have contacted OmW and she knows. My marriage was having dificulty before the affair and my WW would cry about it all to her side of the family for years. I will try to recruit as many as I can to help.
\
I understand the OMW knows, but you will want to call her later today and update her on your exposure actions when you are done. Tell her there is a plan for the affairees to meet tonight.

It sounds like she is a timid woman who does nothing to control the situation but you should still keep her informed of every development.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by UnderDog_99
ML, I have contacted OmW and she knows. My marriage was having dificulty before the affair and my WW would cry about it all to her side of the family for years. I will try to recruit as many as I can to help.

Tell them ALL about the affair. You never know who will or won't help you. You might be surprised.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 38
U
Member
Member
U Offline
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 38
Actually the bar band concert is Saturday night.

The person with the most influence is her sister who has been married three times and feels she finally found the right guy.

She wont be on my side and I think she knows. Her sister is where she keeps saying she will pack up and go to. Just like she did on the night my WW told me she wanted a seperation.

I thought the idea was to keep my WW in the home where I can have time with her to try and repair our marriage.

I just talked to the wife a minute ago about how the kids want me to pick up thier friend to come over to our house because they are all off school today. I was trying to ask her opinion on the matter so as to include her.

I really suck at this. She was so pleasing on the phone even though she was obviously busy at work.


Married 17 years
Two daughters
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by UnderDog_99
Actually the bar band concert is Saturday night.

The person with the most influence is her sister who has been married three times and feels she finally found the right guy.

She wont be on my side and I think she knows. Her sister is where she keeps saying she will pack up and go to. Just like she did on the night my WW told me she wanted a seperation.

I thought the idea was to keep my WW in the home where I can have time with her to try and repair our marriage.

I just talked to the wife a minute ago about how the kids want me to pick up thier friend to come over to our house because they are all off school today. I was trying to ask her opinion on the matter so as to include her.

I really suck at this. She was so pleasing on the phone even though she was obviously busy at work.

How are your exposures going?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 38
U
Member
Member
U Offline
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 38
Tell them ALL about the affair. You never know who will or won't help you. You might be surprised.

OK.


Married 17 years
Two daughters
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by UnderDog_99
Actually the bar band concert is Saturday night.

The person with the most influence is her sister who has been married three times and feels she finally found the right guy.

She wont be on my side and I think she knows. Her sister is where she keeps saying she will pack up and go to. Just like she did on the night my WW told me she wanted a seperation.

That is just fine. You can still tell her. She might not be supportive of you but that is ok. Tell everyone in her family.

Quote
I thought the idea was to keep my WW in the home where I can have time with her to try and repair our marriage.

The idea is to kill the affair so you have a marriage to save. You won't have a marriage if you continue to enable her.

Quote
I just talked to the wife a minute ago about how the kids want me to pick up thier friend to come over to our house because they are all off school today. I was trying to ask her opinion on the matter so as to include her.

Ask her opinion about WHAT? Are you getting distracted from exposure? I am not clear on why this was posted?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
L
Member
Member
L Offline
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
Also -- get a GPS on her car PRONTO.
Get some spyware in place immediately.

Keylogger on home computer.
Voice Activated Recorder in car.
Spyware on cell phone.
GPS on cell phone or car.

You need this in place before you lose track of things.
Because your wife will try to placate you with promises or assurances, and you need the TRUTH.

You need to be really prepared to IGNORE everything she says.
Her words mean absolutely nothing. When you expose, she will come at you like the Exorcist (head spinning and green goo spewing...) but it means absolutely NOTHING.
Be ready for it.

When she rants and raves just hear blah blah blah blah.
Don't give any credence to her threats, crys, or tantrums.
They mean NOTHING. Got it?




Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 581
L
Member
Member
L Offline
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 581
She will also try to take it farther underground so plan for that. A VAR in her car would cover if she gets a 2nd phone so you cant track her texts.


Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 650
A
Member
Member
A Offline
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 650
[i][/i]
Quote
2 things from your initial post...

1) tell her you can't watch the kids. You already have plans.

2) Get a spine. She's already admitted to an affair and you are letting her do this. Why?!?!?! C'mon man... Put a stop to this already.

In answer to your thread question, you are not making progress.. you are stalling out. Inaction enables affairs.

Have to agree with this. You have had a wife that likes to spend you into the poorhouse and for years you just enabled her by covering up with money that you needed for other bills, never mind for savings. Now you've finally taken action and shortly after your wife is "unhappy" and has an affair. She felt entitled to do whatever she wanted to for years because you didn't do anything. Now that you are limiting her ability to hurt you financially, you are rolling over and letting her get away with not only having an affair, but doing it in your face.

You need to create an entirely new marriage with a whole new set of ground rules, but to do that will take actions on your part that will be outside of your comfort zone. You need to stand RESOLUTE and determined to see your course of action through.

One thing that I would do is to see a lawyer and a financial counselor to see what you can do to limit the damage to your credit rating and finances. You'd be surprised how much creditors will work with you when you are straight up with them and don't just stop paying withoout an explanation.


The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again.
Page 3 of 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 466 guests, and 130 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
IO Games, IronMaverick, Gregory Robinson, Limkao, Emily01
72,037 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Three Times A Charm
by Vallation - 07/24/25 11:54 PM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,038
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0