AMJL,

Why is he going to have the baby this weekend? My WW on DDay asked if I kicked her out would I let her see the girls. No.... I said as long as you are stealing time from them, you don't deserve the time with our children. I was trying to end the PA without exposing....it worked for a few days, but her fog was too thick. Exposure helped remove more fog, and kill the fantasy.

Tell him you are taking baby. He is not going to have the child as long as he is seeing another women. Be strong.

Wait to see what others say.

AMJ, don't get sidetracked from your exposures! Please finish up your exposures. Expose them at work and then go into Plan B. You have this affair on the ropes. Don't give up now. There is nothing wrong with the OWH recording your conversation. You didn't tell him anything that everyone shouldn't know anyway. The man is scared and just doing everything possible to save his marriage. His lying wife is denying the story, so he needed your testimony to support him.

Please don't give up. Stop taking your husbands calls. Send him a Plan B letter and GO DARK.

And why are you allowing him to take a baby for the full weekend? Does he have legal visitation rights?

You have no idea who this OW is and who your husband would be exposing this child to.

I'd tell him to get a court order if he wants visitation while he's having his affair.

Seriously, though, what's he going to do with a 14-month old all weekend? Wouldn't he rather do something with OW? You might ask him that.

I agree with Melody- time for a Plan B here.

I am doing Plan B letter today. I have told him that I want nothing to do with him while she is still in his life. I did not realize that I had an option to keep our son away from him. Which is why I agreed to let him have him for Saturday night.

I changed my site name b/c I don't want WH to find me on here.

From my perspective, AMJL, you are discouraged by the fuss over OWH's recording your conversations and by the lack of support from your WH's family. PLEASE don't let this discouragement get you down!

I can totally relate with what you are feeling. After I confronted my H about his A, I was recorded in my own home - by him. I felt very violated! (Long story)

I also got threatened with legal action from OW.

There is a sort of rollercoaster ride that goes along with all of the exposure and aftermath. At first you feel empowered. Then you feel sad and discouraged and just want it to go away. It comes in waves.

It's important to not let the down cycles get you to the point of inaction!

It's not surprising WH's family didn't support you: they are going to try and see the best in him and make excuses.

I agree with Mel that OWH seems like a wimp! HE needs help!!!

Press on - don't be sidetracked by threats and people who stand in the way!!!

GOOD FOR YOU for standing up to your WH. I agree with the others: time to go dark.

Mine was a case where exposure ended the affair within days - it CAN happen, but probably is not usual.

As for your son, I don't think now is the time for you to be allowing him to be with his father for a whole weekend - I agree with the others on that as well. He needs a good dose of reality that life isn't just going to be sweet and happy when he wants it to be. To me, letting him see his son right now is letting him have his cake and eating it too.

Is there a "form letter" for plan B?

SG, first off, tell me about your living arrangements? Are you at home now? Where does he live?

To go into Plan B, you need to get all your ducks in a row. That means you make arrangements for an intermediary to be your go between for any PERTINENT information.

For visitations, I would think of a way for him to see the child in a supervised setting where you don't have to see him. For example, your MIL could pick the child up a couple of times a week and allow him to visit the child at her home. You will need to specify that your child is to never be around his skank ho.

You WANT him to see his child, but you don't want the baby to be gone for overnights, you don't want your H in your home and you don't want to SEE him. So, start thinking about ways to make that happen.

When you go into Plan B, it will be up to you to keep him out. He will try to contact you and you can't read or respond to his messages. So that means you block him somehow. And when he attempts to contact you directly you should have your IM contact him and say "BS did not read your message. All messages have to be passed through me if you want to contact her."

Your H will go crazy at that becuase a WS does not like losing control over the BS. So be prepared to not let him through. And CHANGE YOUR LOCKS if you are in your house.

First finish exposing them AT WORK. That is a KEY exposure. And do not cut off contact with the OWH! Don't be mad at him for recording your call. He is a victim just like you.

Read this link: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482787#Post2482787

and this one: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2558482#Post2558482

When you do your letter, post it here so we can give you feedback.

SG,

Expose and surround yourself with those who will help you. You have to be strong. I would be shocked if OM parents are ok with not seeing their grandchild.

Keep posting.... We are on your side.

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I did not realize that I had an option to keep our son away from him.

I'm just reading through your thread and i felt I had to say something here. You don't have the right to keep access to your child from your husband. However deplorable his behavior, doing something like this could hurt you legally. This was BAD advice. You are well within your rights to get a lawyer and force your husband's hand by setting up a legal separation agreement that spells out custody and support requirements, but without that agreement he has the right to access to his child just as he has the right to come back to the marital home, which means that if you change the locks he can still gain access.

You want to do things the smart way? Contact a lawyer, the initial consultation is usually free.

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Tell him you are taking baby. He is not going to have the child as long as he is seeing another women. Be strong.

Sorry but this is not good advice.

Oh my, of course you don't want to keep the child from him. That will be used against you in court - IN A BIG WAY. You want it on record that you offered him visitation and went to a great deal of trouble to facilitate it. That is why you need to arrange for visitation and send him a schedule with your Plan B letter.

SG,

You may not have the legal right to keep your son from him.....but did he plan this get away before he was discovered? You are not keeping his son from him, HE IS!! You are protecting your son from evil behavior. Remember.... He left, not you.

See a lawyer about custody arrangements. Make a call now, some can give you advice over the phone.

I was not advocate totally keeping your son away from him either. I certainly wouldn't let him just take him for the whole weekend, however, with the situation being somewhat volatile right now. (Exposure, threats of legal action, etc...)

I also would not advocate him taking the baby on HIS terms: that's where I felt the cake eating coming in.

You definitely need a plan of action - one that you are in control of.

Absolutely agree with SunnyD. He has no business taking a baby from his mother all weekend. But you want him to see the baby in a controlled, protected environment. And you want it on record that you made that offer.

Okay I am a little overwhelmed.

Living situations: I am still in the house. WH is living with his sister about 20 miles away.

I am looking for a job, daycare, and a place to live so I will not be under "his control" money wise.

I have also contacted someone for legal counsel. I probably won't hear anything back until Monday though.

As far as the visit with our son go. I need to lay down some rules, but I can not talk to him on the phone without his yelling and calling me names right now. So therefore we have been in contact via text.

Since we are not legally separated I can not change the locks. He would still be able to gain access to the house. So therefore, I have had my BIL install chains on the doors. Unfortunately, the doors are not the best so if he pushes hard enough it will break. But my reason for installing these is for mine and our son's safety.

Who did y'all use are your IM? A friend of both of yours? Someone from church? I don't know who to ask. I think it should be a man though b/c he doesn't have any respect for women right now.

Good call. WH's next step will probably be to cut the money flow since you're starting to push back. Also, with you and OW competing for his money, you'll be a lower priority.

The IM would be anyone that you're comfortable with. It would NOT be someone that is related to him or has the chance of being biased towards him or influenced by him or his family...but you probably knew that
I don't see that your husband's opinion of them is relevant.

No grandparents live around us. So they don't see him anyway.

After reading those letters, I realize I don't feel that way about my WH right now. He has been so hurtful and mean to me that I think he might have crushed any feelings I had left for him. I know that the love I once felt for him can come back, once he stops being this crazy man(I mean he has literally gone crazy). But I am having such a hard time calling on that love to write this letter. Wow, this is hard.