I have read all of your forum and basic concepts,But i m still confused.Need ur help.It has been only 5 months of my marriage n because of lot many differences in between us and family. We are getting divorced.I was mentally n emotionally abused by my mother in law n sister in law with my Husband.I have not yet filed divorce, but planing too.I am at my mothers place just after three months of my marriage.I m suffering from depression.Need your help.
It was a love marriage after 7 years of affair,but we were not in contact for three years because we broke up 3 years before.Last year he came back n begged me to come back and said sorry lot many times and even cut his wrist 2 3 times in a same day for me to forgive him and marry him.he came back because he knows that i loved him n i can tolerate everything what so ever he will do.But Now i was different and mature enough.Now the things was different.but as i loved him before and had lot sympathy i forgave him.

He was a guy having lot many affairs with different girls n a married lady having two childers of around my age.He is still in contact with her I believe.He was a person who was just spending his father's money,having very bad friend Circle,Sex relation with girls never Did any job and a narrow minded person also.He manipulated me just to use me but i loved him truly.I tolerated Every Thing .Because of which he came back.He wanted to improve him self for me only and spend his rest of life with me.His Father was a very good person and loves me a lot as his daughter wanted me to marry his son because he expected I will make every thing good but I failed.His Father died in between.My marriage with him(my husband) was his Last wish.He(MY husband) was not a right guy I know but i still loved him, so i forgave.

My parent hates him a lot as he spoiled my life. But Some how we got married...My marriage was an accident as my parents made me married just because I wanted to go to celebrate his birthday n my parents did't wanted that.We had fight(my parents n me) n my parents made me marry with the same guy with in an hour force fully after asking him will he marry me right now within n hour otherwise they will never let him marry me.He got ready n married me.(As I am an Indian,Family plays a very important role in these decisions).

We got married(on 2nd june 2011).Because of above incident both my parents and my husband's parents do not like each other.They hate each other so much that my in-laws never wanted to let me talk to my parents and my parents never wanted to talk to them.
Sorry to stretch all this,as it was the most important thing happened to my life.It was the starting.

Just after 1st day of my marriage,things started going wrong.He never gave me any attention even from the first day of my marriage.But yes he tried to become a good person in rest of the things ,means he joined a job on his father's place On July 18th n tried to be nice.But never expressed love.There was no love,romance even no conversation in between us.That time we were also suffering from financial crisis.I helped him in what so manner i can.I tried to talk to him about all this but he always ignored.I asked him please talk to me even about problems.He never did that.I loved him and never wanted to break our relation ship.So never even expected him to help me in households.But He started treating like i m not there.I had no contacts with my parents and had one to talk with.I felt emotionally abused and felt like crying most of the time,But he never took attention. Instead he used to create scenes for food n all.I started trying to talk to him about all this prob.But he never consider.Because slowly my sadness started converting in anger and i started complaining n fighting.I was dealing with many issues together alone - my parents absence,change of home,atmosphere, loneliness,my health probs and our communication gaps too.He never consider on anything.I went trough depression and started pulling out my frustration.I started feeling mentally sick.
I just wanted love from him.I asked him so many times but no use,he never under stud....I agree he tolerated lot many thing,My bad behavior(in anger).He use to talk about everything with her sister even about us.She also became a big prob.With all this i was tolerating my sister in-law (married but always there on phone).Making my hubby think adversely in all matters.SHE was like a wall in between us.Mother in-law was ok.I never complained but still she had lot many problems with me I don't know why.They always tortured me mentally.it was very difficult to survive.


They also have there own home in a different city.I came here(in that city) with my mother n sister in law for two days only just for a change,but all of us stayed in my sister inlaw's home which there in the same city. unfortunately i got a job offer from my previous company.I was not working that time and i asked them for the same to support my husband financially.After getting permission from my huby n mother in law,i joined the job.There the problem aroused.His sister didn't wanted that and told me to stay at hostel.I had fight with my sister in-law at her place for interfering in my life and i left her home and came back my husbands home alone.THAT was my mistake.
they all blamed me a lot and started to torch er me so much that i failed to handle.I was alone having no money in my hand and nothing.my husband was also blaming me a lot and tried to make me feel guilty and emotionally harassed me,and tried to broke my confidence.(he always wanted to make me happy but he never did any thing).they asked me to write a note that what so ever happens to me they will not be responsible.And my mother and sister in-law reported a false application against me in police station.
AT that moment I withdraw.I decided to take divorce as there was no hope.I was there for 1 month(2 augst -3rd sept) alone in there house in different city.My Husband never gave any attention to me.
My parents got to know about all this some how.They came and took me back them.Now my parents want to report an fir for torchering me and also filing dowry case with divorce case as well.

Now I am here at my parents place since 4th september. I am under treatment.Police is continuously Bothering me.My husband never contacted me after 4th september.we all decided to take mutual divorce and asked them they all r also ready.but the problem is police is still bothering me because of them.everyone is frustrated in my family and planning to file case against them.
But now they started contacting my mother to compromise trough different people.My parents went to there place to settle down problems but they didn't even talk properly and blamed me.Now they want to compromise n came to our place to talk about but he (my hubby) is still in confusion as he don't do any thing him self his sister do so.Now he is blaming my mother that she wanted that.The worst thing is that i m still thinking of him.I m still not able to forget everything.Not able to handle all this.I cant even think properly about my future.I m feeling very alone and helpless,frustrated, depressed and guilty.ALSO Afraid Of Memories.

I know its too soon to think of divorce but what should i do.We cant go to counsler as family is involved now.Please help not able to take decision.please help ASAP

Cindraila

Its a mess. I am sure you are not the only one with all sorts of issues like this in your culture/community.
There must be some Indian counselors who can help you work through the various issues of love marriage vs arranged/ family involvment of ILS/Parents on top of the other marriage issues.
Please see a physician to talk about possibly using medication to ride through this part of your life and to make clear, practical, logical decisions.
Try to get referrels from the physician/friends/acquaintances in your community to get a individual counselor who is Indian and can talk over your situation with. They would have the best idea of the complex issues you are part of. Then you can see how to best deal with your marriage.

I disagree.
Your marriage was foul before it started.
Your husband is unstable. Cut his wrist so you would marry him?
That is immature, and frighteningly melodramatic.



Divorce him.
Reconnect with your family.'

THANKS for your reply.Some more reply please

I wana know,what was My mistake/fault and where I was wrong???

You married the wrong person for the wrong reasons. I think you would be wise to divorce him and remove him from your life. Anyone who uses the threat of suicide to prompt an action from another person is dangerously manipulative. And that's only one reason to end the marriage.

Yes very true,thankyou for considering me...
Thankyou so much my friends...You all are so help full and after connecting with marriage builder,I feel i m having lot many true friends to help me out in right way.....
Now I don't feel that much alone as i was feeling before...


One more thing! According to law, I cant file divorce before an year of my marriage in my country.I have to wait till that time and this period is the worst time of my life.
How much Time it takes to get divorced?....Should i file an anti dowry case against him as my family also wants to do so..Because My in-laws was also harassing me for the same