UD,

The boat is sinking. You need to take some drastic actions to save things. That means you must expose. Exposure will bring the affair out of the shadows and into the light.

The only thing that is guaranteed is that the affair will continue without exposure.

You don�t strike me as a totally afraid BH. You�re unsure about exposure, which is normal. But you need to act, my friend. You have nothing to lose by exposing. She�s telling you you�re done, no matter what, and she�s being �generous� and kind by giving you time to work things out.

I heard the same garbage. My greatest regret was not exposing.

Get OM�s friends list and send them all a message telling them that he�s having an affair with your wife. Then, expose to your family and her family. Expose to your friends who can put pressure on the affair.

Look at it this way: What do you have left to lose? There is nothing to lose.

Let her know that divorce will neither be nice or friendly and that all debts will be divided equally (which they will).

Tell her you�re not going to do a damn thing to either file for a D or make it easy.

My friend, if you want to save your marriage you have to set aside your fear and act. Think James Bond. Be cool, but be a man of action.

UD,

Did you expose today. I know about the fear....I waited too. The best thing is to expose. The OMW should also be of some help. She could give you names and numbers for his friends and family.

EXPOSE, EXPOSE, EXPOSE! No one who shouldn't know. Do not be afraid.

Would you want this to happen to your son or daughter? Would you be a man and stop that BS..... Stop this one, Kill it, by Exposing. Act know time is running out.

Congrats on the weight loss.....The affair diet.

Stay strong. Everyone here is pulling for you.

Guys. I started the exposure and was still going through the Om's friend list and he contacted the WW before I am even done. I still haven't finished trying to contact her side of the family.

SHe came upstairs and yelled at me how this was wrong what I did.
How this will never save our marriage.
Proves to her that she should have left a long time ago.
SHe took the kids and is going to see about an apartment today.

She told me that she had been unhappy for years and had AMPLE! AMPLE! opportunities to cheat on me and never did.

However, when she finally did she realized it was something wrong in our marriage that allowed her to do this and that she is done.

She blamed me for never wanting to go to marriage counceling and not listening to her desires. I told her I wanted to go to work on the marriage now.

SHe said she realizes that she can never stay here now because I'm going to keep on trying to fix the marriage.

I'm thinking I did the wrong thing here guys. I think I was getting closer to melting her heart to me by keeping her under the same roof and showing how I could be a better husband and father to the family in her eyes.

Man, I'm so feeling washed up now.

She said she was sorry she ever told me about the affair and should have just left me thinking it was all about our BAD marriage because she says this is why she is really leaving and nothing I can do can change her mind.

That is great!! Just continue with your exposures and get them ALL DONE TODAY. You need to do enough to hopefully kill the affair. But get this done so you can move onto next steps. Don't drag this out.

FINISH UP!!

And let her know she can't take the kids out of the home without a court order. If this goes to legal action, tell her you will be filing on grounds of ADULTERY and will have the OM subpoenaed into court to give testimony under oath about the affair.

You are doing great!! Don't LET UP!!

You should feel GREAT!! The madder the WS, the more harm your exposure inflicted on the affair!!! You hit the affair HARD!!

Just don't let up while you have them on the ropes!!

UD,

You have done the one thing she didn't want you to do..... Kill the affair. She is angry...so what. Keep going. You are one thenright track.

You are not washed up, you are Washing Up your marriage from the sin of your WW.

So proud of you Man!!

'
You don't understand. She is having an affair and planning on leaving you for her OM. THAT is not "getting closer to melting her heart," that is her affair getting stronger by the day while she enjoys having 2 men meet her needs. You thought this was progress AND IT WAS NOT.

You were headed for divorce yesterday because of an ongoing affair. Today you have a CHANCE because you have inflicted a huge blow to the affair.

See, the goal here is to save your marriage, not to avoid her wrath at all costs. Avoiding her wrath was costing you your marriage. Your marriage can survive her temporary anger over exposure, it cannot survive an affair!!

So, keep on with your exposures and don't stop until you are done. Get er done!! You are doing great!!

Facebook keeps telling me there is a problem with sending my messages. I think maybe the Om contacted them. I dunno. I'll keep trying.

make sure you space them out properly, otherwise it is called flooding and you get blocked for spamming.

Your doing great! Listen to Mel, she's the source!

UD....

Keep going.... If some block you, move on to the next one. Ask each of them to help you. If you haven't seen the letter, I'm sure it will be posted here if you need it.

You are throwing water on the wicked witch...it will melt away.

Great job.

Were you sending them 60 seconds apart? If so, it might have shut you down for flooding. In that case, you might fire up another facebook account and finish up that way.

ALSO, be sure and change your facebook pic to one of you, the wife and your kids.

Did you reach the OM's parents yet? That is the key target in exposure. And what about your phone calls?

UD, really FOCUS on finishing this up so you get it done today. You want to get it done so you can move forward in this process. When your wife attacks you, just tell her that you are so sorry she is upset, but you felt everyone should know about the affair. Offer her a potato chip.

Don't let her scare you or intimidate you into stopping. Don't fight with her. Just stay strong and take back control of your marriage!

I'm ok now with FB. I'm still feeling a little sick though.

I have not even got to the her family yet.

She said she was going to pack a bag when she got back and leave for good.

She said what are you going to do now? Shoot me? That's all you have left.

Ugh..

Plan A reply:
"No. I'm not going to harm you. Can I bring you something from the kitchen? Tea?"

Kiss her goodbye and smile sweetly!

Now, get back to the business of exposing and get this done. Call up her family members and tell them all about the affair. Explain that you love your wife and want to save your marriage. ASK THEM TO USE THEIR INFLUENCE TO PERSUADE HER TO END HER AFFAIR. <------ASK FOR THEIR HELP!

You want them all to be calling her up today to try to persuade her to end her affair.

Don't allow your wife to make you lose focus. If she is coming home, then go somewhere else to make the rest of your calls so you are not disturbed.

Give her family the NAME AND PHONE # of the OM and tell them it would be helpful if they called the OM and told him to BUZZ OFF. Be sure and let them know this loser is a MARRIED MAN. Your wife is having an affair with a MARRIED MAN.

I would pass around the OM's cell phone # wide and far and encourage folks to call the loser.

p.s. and I would sit your girls down and let them know what you have done. Make sure they understand that you are not standing for their mothers affair WITH A MARRIED MAN. They need to see a responsible adult taking a stand against this travesty. Encourage them to speak to their mother about their disappointment.

Also, tell your wife she has to end her affair. DEMAND she end all contact with the OM. ALL CONTACT FOR LIFE. Tell her this will go to divorce unless she ends all contact for life. Tell her you are willing to give her an opportunity to EARN your forgiveness if she does certain things.

Tell her that you want to have a romantic, loving, SAFE marriage and that you are not willing to settle for less; you won�t stay in a loveless marriage. In order for the marriage to recover, certain things have to happen. This is what it will take to keep you interested:

1. End all contact with the OM for life - immediately - send him a no contact letter that is approved by you

2. complete transparency - cell phone passwords, etc

3. no more opposite sex friendships

4. complete honesty about her affair<s> � passing a polygraph

5. commit to a program of recovery that restores the romantic love in your marriage

Tell her "this is what it will take to keep me in this marriage." Whether your marriage ends up with success or failure will depend almost entirely on her willingness and ability to make radical changes. Her lifestyle must become absolutely transparent, holding nothing back. She is in no position to negotiate when it comes to extraordinary precautions, because those precautions are designed to prevent another affair and help you feel safe. She must also meet your emotional needs in a way that until now she has failed. Unless she makes a 180 degree turn in her approach to what it means to be a wife, your marriage won't recover, it will be a crippled version of your pre-affair marriage.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking this approach, because if she won't do these things, you will have lost nothing except a loveless, abusive marriage.

This is great news ~ it means that what you are doing is WORKING!

Keep in mind that a wayward that is having the crackpipe snatched out of their hands (what you are in the process of doing now) will DO and SAY anything to get you to back down.

Finish up those, exposures. You are doing great! Keep going!

I have only the home phone and not his cell. I have never tolked to this sneaky jerk ever. I think his wife will be the one to answer there and she didn't want me to expose.

I'm not feeling good about this but trying to stay strong on this mission. Her family will have her side for sure. My WW has been on depression medicine for years and they all know she has not been happy. I just couldn't reach her sometimes and she would shut me out. I feel like this will make the divorce even worse and stop her from ever thinking about our marriage even if the affair stops.